Page 50 of Lose Me In The Shadows

“Kara, for the past few days, I thought we had lost you forever. I had this nightmare in my head of you being tortured, hurt, raped, killed, and there I was sitting around in our house like a useless piece of shit because I had no idea where you were. These past few days were the darkest form of hell I’ve ever been in—worse than when I shot those boys’ father right in front of their eyes. I’ve never felt so desperate or afraid.”

He’d struck her directly in the heart. The poor, pathetic thing was bleeding and gasping for breath, and Kara didn’t know how to help it. Especially when Conor caught her chin in his hand and lifted it so they were staring into each other’s eyes and she couldn’t look away.

“Now, you’re here, with me and safe. I can see you breathing. You’re making jokes. You’re in pain—just witnessed it—but you’re still whole. So yes, I’m happy. The only other time in my life I can remember being this fucking happy was the last time I ran a bath for you. Remember?”

“I remember,” she said softly.

They’d been in her hotel room that second night.

“You were so beautiful,” he told her as he lifted her bare body off the sink and carried her over to the bath, gently depositing her in the water. “The way the water shone on your wet body, and you gasped and arched for me. You were so closed off, but when my fingers were on your clit and my cock was inside you, you dropped the walls and let yourself feel and be open and honest. It was breathtaking; I’d never seen anything more stunning.”

It was like he’d stabbed her with sweetness. It was like he was talking her through a panic attack all over again—the only thing she could manage to do was breathe.

He stripped off his shirt and pants, revealing his big, beautiful body in all its glory. And climbed into the tub right behind her, until they were framed exactly the way they’d been two years before—the same night he’d opened up to her and she’d rejected him. Left him the next morning, regretting every step she took as she walked away. Never thought she’d see him again. And yet.

“Let me make you that beautiful again, baby girl,” he told her, his chest pressed to her back. Wrapping his arms around her thighs, he pulled them open until she was exposed to the water—and to him. “Let yourself feel again, feel me. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”

She wanted to believe him, she did. But the dream still had her in its clutches.

“And you always keep your promises,” she murmured, the words like chalk in her mouth. He’d promised to keep her safe, once, hadn’t he?

His face looked stricken, but he gripped her thighs tighter.

She was going to have Conor-sized thumbprints there in the morning.

“Why don’t you say what you mean, Kara,” he said, his voice dangerous.

“Don’t pretend you need me to spell it out.”

“What’s the saying? Explain it to me like I’m a dumb military jock,” he deadpanned.

“Fine. You’ve never successfully kept me safe. Not from Chris, not from Micah or Luke, and not from yourself.”

The next thing she knew, she was weightless and wet, as he lifted her into his arms and climbed out of the tub. Carrying her over to the mirror, he lowered her to her feet and wrapped one arm around her waist, gripping her chin with the other so she was forced to look at their reflections. The last time they’d been positioned like this was when he’d surprised her in her shower before kidnapping her. Back when he’d been a terrifying near stranger she’d once fucked.

And now?

And now.

Not a stranger.So familiar to her, the feel of him surrounding her made her ache.

“Do you know what I see?” he asked her.

She would’ve shrugged, if her arms weren’t locked down by his.

“I see a woman unwilling to see herself or take accountability for her own recklessness. Who seeks out her own self-destruction so she can preempt whatever pain she sees coming her way. Who will run straight into danger, just to avoid fucking feeling something. I fell down on the job, I’ll admit it, but it wasyouwho got in my way. I can protect you from everything and everyone butyou, Kara. You’re your own worst enemy, and until you see that, I’m always going to be playing catch up trying to keep you safe.”

With that, he splayed a hand over her pussy.

“What are you doing?”

“What I need to,” he responded. “You don’t respond to anything but sex and dominance. You don’t open up outside of sex. If sex is all you’ll give me, then sex is what I’ll take. For now,” he added, another promise—one she was terrified he’d fulfill.

“I don’t want to only fuck,” she argued. “I don’t want to be owned. I want to be more than your sex toy.”

He raised an incredulous eyebrow at her. “Sex toy? You use us for sex as much as we use you, obtuse girl. Kara, I told you on Marcus’s plane—you matter to me. To us. This is not only sex for us. But it’s the only way you seem to know how to communicate, and what you seem to need, so that’s what we give you. I am sorry for making you feel differently back at the cabin, but now you’re refusing to see what’s in front of you. Look, terrified girl. See.”

She looked. The man behind her looked tired, wary, but determined. His desire for her was clear in his eyes, but below the surface of lust was a deep longing. If his dark eyes were to be believed, he did want her for more.

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