Page 92 of Song of Her Siren

“You didn’t,” I blurted, twenty-three years of bottled frustration bubbling up like an overflowing cauldron. “You purposely avoided bonding with her, just like you did with me.” My voice rose with each word, and the chatter around us fell silent as my gaze tunneled on my mother, the one person who should have loved me above all else.

Mother’s eyes flared. “That’s unfair, Shiri.”

Very aware that everyone was now staring at me, I worked hard to speak through a constricted throat. I’d waited a lifetime to tell my mother how I felt, and I wasn’t about to squander it. “Do you know how many nights I fell asleep crying because my mother didn’t love me?”

“I loved you.” Her glossy eyes shone beneath the moonlight. “I was just...afraid of you.”

I swiped at my eyes before letting the tears fall. She didn’t deserve to see me cry. “You thought I’d become evil like Malvolia.”

“Because Thorin tricked me!” Clutching her chest, her voice rose and cracked. “He had me convinced you’d turn out like her. She slaughtered thousands of innocents!” Her eyes turned feral as she waved her hands. “She hunted us like we were animals!”

I refused to take pity on her. “You don’t need to remind me what she did. Tari and I were living in fear and squalor alongside you.” I paused, swallowing back my sorrow while summoning the nerve to reveal the very darkest parts of my heart as I suddenly became that lonely little girl once more. “Though, at least Tari had a mother’s love to get her through the worst times. I had nothing but a hollow stomach, Tari’s pity, and Father Derrick’s cautious kindness when he wasn’t away.”

Tari stood beside me, gently rubbing my back. I dared not look at Marius, though I felt him stoically hovering just out of my line of vision. I didn’t want to know what he thought of all this, because it would crush me if he sympathized with my mother.

Mother’s features fell as she splayed her hands in front of her in a gesture of surrender. “Shiri, I’m sorry.”

Grateful for Tari’s hand on my back, I swiped away more tears. “I was a dutiful daughter, a kind sister, and a loving aunt, and you still only saw the worst in me.”

Mother visibly swallowed. “I see you now.”

Those shadows in my heart retreated for just a contraction, then eclipsed me once again. “Do you?”

“I do.” A tear slid down her cheek.

I wanted to tell her she had no right to cry. That I refused to take pity on her. “Hmph. Maybe instead of pointing fingers at Malvolia, you should look inward.”

She clutched her chest, her body bowing like she carried Isa’s weight on her shoulders. “Iamlooking inward.”

I glared at her through hooded eyes. “And do you like what you see?”

“No.” More tears spilled over her eyes.

What a fool I was to feel sorry for her, though maybe my pity was a testament to a future where I wouldn’t turn out evil like my aunt. I pounded my chest as moisture flooded my eyes. “I have a huge hole in my heart where your love should’ve been.”

She extended a hand toward me. “Let me fill it now.”

I took a step back, mindful of Tari behind me. “I’m not sure you can.”

Eyes filled with longing, she took a step toward me. “I can try if you’ll let me.”

“I have to stop the demons.” Wiping my tears with the backs of my hands, I sucked in a breath, forcing myself to bottle all those overwhelming feelings of childhood rejection and longing, the many nights I wrapped my arms around myself, pretending my mother was hugging me instead of Tari. “I don’t have time to redo my childhood.”

She clasped her hands in a pleading pose. “Then, what can I do?”

I imagined myself putting a lid on those tumultuous emotions, locking them away with a key. “You can stop causing strife with Malvolia. I’m trying to prepare for war.” I infused a note of censure in my voice, pretending I was scolding a child. “Yet, how can I focus when I’m distracted by your bickering?”

“Okay. I’ll stop.” She vehemently nodded as the last of the tears staining her cheeks began to dry. “Anything else?”

I wasn’t so sure I liked or trusted this version of my mother. Did she truly want to love me now, after all this time? I cast a cautious glance in Marius’s direction, noting his unreadable features, and wondered if he’d instructed my mother to be kind.

My shoulders fell at the thought. “No.”

“I really do love you, Shirina.” Mother twisted her fingers as more tears spilled over. “I’ve always loved you, even when I didn’t trust you. Thorin might have altered my memories, but he couldn’t change my heart. I’m sorry I was too afraid to show it.”

“This is why you can’t summon your siren’s song.”

I gaped at Gadea as she watched me from across her seat at the table while nursing a goblet of wine. “What?”

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