Page 83 of Sugar, Spice, and Magical Midlife

“Okay.” He flashed an exaggerated pout. “I’ll get my stonewashed jeans and matching jacket.” He snapped his fingers with a dramatic flourish, turning to vapor before being sucked into his lamp like a tea kettle steaming in reverse.

“As long as they don’t swish,” Serena called to him.

While Shu changed, Ethyl and I stuffed our phones and essentials into our borrowed vests and Des insisted on wearing his backpack with his iPad and computer. When Shu returneda minute later, he looked like a stonewashed denim monster had vomited all over him. His waist-high jeans with puffy thighs and tapered ankles folded over a black leather belt. And talk about accessorizing! He wore ankle-high black leather boots and brandished a wand that perfectly matched the belt. But the star of the show had to have been his denim jacket that tapered at the waist with linebacker-sized shoulder pads.

He twirled in front of Serena while waving his wand. “Better?”

Des laughed out loud. “You look funny!”

Shu grumbled while stuffing his lamp into a zipper on his jacket. The thing had zippers everywhere, even on the sleeves.

I hid a smile behind my hand.

Serena smirked. “Shoulder pads?”

“They’re sewn into the jacket.” He twisted his neck, frowning down at one shoulder. “They’re all the rage.”

Ethyl fluttered around him. “You’re like a walking fashion museum. I think you should dress like an ’80s rock star next.”

“Oh, yes. How about George Michael?” Shu jumped up and down, clapping his hands. “He’s a hunk!”

“What’s our plan?” I asked Serena, shifting the subject as I grabbed my bra out of my suitcase. Might as well wear it since we weren’t going through the troll toilet. I frowned when I noticed the lace on the bottom was frayed and the clasps looked ready to fall apart. I hadn’t realized it was in such bad shape, though I wasn’t surprised. That was the cost of choosing between paying rent and buying pretty underthings. Considering I’d already done several repair spells on it, I knew another one wouldn’t last long, so I left the bra off and let my girls run wild. Free-range tits were all the rage in the hippy witch communities. Maybe I’d quit shaving my armpits and only wash my hair once a month. Then again, maybe not.

Serena laid what looked like an old pirate’s map out on the table. It took me a moment to realize that it was the layout of the Tribunal headquarters. “Once Des teleports us into the mechanical room,” she said, pointing to an X on the map, “we’re going to the control room to break the wards, so the rest of the Insurgi can come in. There are too many of them for Des to transport.”

“How many?” I asked.

She visibly swallowed. “Over a thousand.”

Holy hex!“Dear Goddess, Aunt. Are we going to war?”

“I hope not.” She shrugged while rolling up her map. “The Insurgi want peace above anything, but we can’t have peace until all succubi are dead.”

“But what about saving Ric?” I asked.

“Not until after we have backup.” She grasped my arm, looking from me to Des. “The Insurgi are waiting for my signal. Are we ready?”

I swallowed back bile while sharing looks with my son, Ethyl, and Shu. “Are you?”

When they solemnly nodded, I swallowed again, then forced out the words, “Let’s go.”

Serena gave me a grim look. “I have to communicate with my officers. I’ll just be a moment.”

While we waited, Ethyl gave everyone jawbreakers that she said should last a few hours. They were ridiculously sweet, which meant that I’d have to make sure Des brushed his teeth an extra minute tonight, but I’d rather have cavities than be spellcast by a succubus. Hopefully, the jawbreakers had enough sugar in them to repel the demon queen’s spells.

Serena returned in a few minutes looking grim with more blades and wands strapped to her leather fighting gear. I didn’t like how she avoided making eye contact with me, like there was something she wasn’t telling me. But what?

I had no time to ask when she held out her hands. She rolled a piece of candy around on her tongue. “It’s time.”

Ethyl and I readied our wands. Then we held Des’s hands while Puffy perched on my son’s shoulder. My aunt and Shu completed the circle.

Serena nodded toward Des. “Take us to the Tribunal.”

My knees wobbled with fear, and I thought about calling it off, but then I blinked and we were standing in the mechanical room. Des had seamlessly teleported us so quickly, I didn’t have time to get sick. I snatched my wand and quickly hid us with an invisibility spell, a translucent bubble that shielded us from the rest of the world, while adjusting to the low light. The room was darker than I remembered, and though I wanted to use my wand light, I couldn’t risk someone seeing us. I released Ethyl’s hand, though I still clung to Des, then pushed him behind me when a loud thudding shook the floor.

The troll janitor ran toward us, clutching his stomach, his heavy thuds causing me to accidentally spit out my jawbreaker. I cringed when it rolled across the floor with noisy clanks. The troll stopped in front of us, pulling open a door that was the length of a bus.

“Stupid tacos,” he murmured before slamming the door shut.

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