Page 47 of Sugar, Spice, and Magical Midlife

BZZZZ. BZ. BZZZZZZZ. Bz. Bz. Bz.

My eyes flew open at a familiar rattle coming from the walls. What the hex?

Bz. Bz. Bzzzz. Bz. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

It almost sounded like a...

Bz. Bz. Bzzzz.

Oh, hex no! I recognized that sound, for I’d relied on my favorite sex toy for most of my lackluster marriage. Then I’d misplaced it a few years ago and had to replace it with a new one. Had I left it in my suitcase? I hadn’t used that suitcase since the last time Colin and I had taken an adult-only vacation in an effort to revive our marriage. Of course, the effort had been wasted, and I’d relied far too much on my purple silicone friend.

And now it was lost to me again, because the freaking gnomes stole my vibrator.

I shot up in bed, looking around the room. Moonlight barely filtered into the dusty curtains through the small window overhead. My suitcase was once again dumped all over the floor, and Ethyl wasn’t in bed.

Bzzzzzzzzzz.

I snatched my wand from underneath my pillow when the door creaked open, shining my light on the intruder.

“Heeey!” a familiar voice said as she shielded her eyes.

I lowered my wand when I recognized the shape of Ethyl’s wings as she slipped inside.

“Where were you?” I asked on a heated whisper.

She gave me an indignant look. “I needed to use the bathroom if that’s okay.”

Bzzzzzzzzzz.

She stopped as if she’d hit a brick wall. “What’s that sound?”

I hugged my knees to my chest, looking away. “Nothing.”

“It sounds like a—”

I held up a silencing hand as Des stirred beside me. “Don’t say it.”

Her hands flew to her mouth as she looked down at my toppled suitcase. “How did the gnomes get a vi—?”

I pointed my wand at her chest. “I told you not to say it.”

She clutched her stomach, letting out a belly laugh that I was sure would wake Des. “You packed a BOB?”

“BOB?” I asked.

She nodded, then wiped a tear from her eye while continuing to laugh. “Battery operated boyfriend.”

Heat flushed my cheeks as I looked away. “I think it was in my suitcase from my last vacation.”

She gave me an accusatory look. “You never go on vacations.”

I chewed my bottom lip, the constant buzzing coming from the wall fanning the flames of embarrassment. “It was with Colin for one of our anniversaries a few years ago.”

“Ohhh,” she cooed while sitting opposite me on her bed. “I didn’t know Colin liked to spice things up.”

Bzzzz.

Merlin’s balls! What were they doing with it? On second thought, I didn’t want to know.

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