Page 110 of Bride of the Fae Prince

I love you.

She steps back abruptly, out of my reach, crossing her arms over her chest. I freeze. The words on the tip of my tongue fall back into my mouth, unspoken.

“Please don’t touch me,” she says.

There’s no vitriol in those words, but they are firm. Unyielding. They pierce me like one of Faradir’s arrows. So soft. So deadly. I drop my hand.

“You betrayed my trust.”

Ah, yes. Yes, I did. Part of me immediately scrambles to apologize, to explain why I couldn’t tell her everything, to describe how my plans changed when I saw Faradir’s expression. But then I look at her, at her crossed arms, and I feel myself closing up. My heart strives to put distance between us. Every kiss I’ve given her was a mistake. Especially today’s kisses. They were indulgences in emotion and affection that I have no business harboring. I knew it at the time, but I kept protecting this hope. Thisstupidhope I wouldn’t have to give up everything I ever loved.

Everything I love dies. Why can’t I get it into my thick skull?

If I love her, Stella will die.

She can’t stay here.

Because Idolove her. I love her, and I will do foolish things because I love her, and my heart will be ripped to shreds when the High King finally gets his hands on her.

If I truly love her, I’ll let her go.

“Yes, I used you like a pawn,” I say coldly, resuming my walk at a pace more manageable for her. “Because I’m trying to save that spineless father of yours.”

“That is not what I am angry about, Ash, and you know it. You said you would tell me what to expect, that you wouldn’t blindside me. But that’s what you did in there. That’s not right.”

“I had to blindside you!” I exclaim in frustration. “You want me to save your people. I had to get Faradir’s attention.”

“Stop putting the blame for this on me! No part of the High King trying to raze my homeland is my fault. It wasn’t my choice to marry you. It wasn’t my choice to be brought to Faerieland. I wasn’t the one who tricked the High King and incited his wrath! From the start, I have submitted to being used as a pawn, first by my father and now by you. But not anymore.” Her eyes flash. “We have a deal. You promised to warn me, so I expect you to abide by that promise.”

I clench my teeth, guilt filling my lungs even as I harden myself to it.

Her voice softens, turns to pleading, and that is the final blow that makes me crumble. “Ash, you’re all I have. I need to be able to trust you.Pleaseunderstand that.”

It hits me then, the full force of what I’ve done. How right she is, no matter my excuses or my insistence that I had no other choice. Maybe it was my only option. Maybe it wasn’t. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I broke my promise to her. I hang my head as it fills with my own pitiful voice. It’s such an inadequate offering. “I’m sorry, Stella.”

She nods, accepting my apology. She doesn’t take my arm, however, and the space between us is like a cavernous hole in my chest. I need to get used to this. I’ve thought of her as mine, but she’s not. She may be my wife, but she’s not mine to hold, to touch, to kiss, to love.

“Would you please show me Rahk’s quarters?”

The abrupt question startles me back into the present, into the large brown eyes peering up at me. “Yes, of course,” I say, even before her question registers in my mind. Then, when it does, I frown. “Why?”

“In case something happens to you, like when you were poisoned.”

I find myself shaking my head. “Don’t go to him unless you must—unless something isvery wrongwith me or Edvear. The High King may try to task Rahk with killing you, and he’d be sacrificing his own life to disobey those orders.”

She purses her lips, considering. “I see. I still want to know where his chambers are.”

I draw a deep breath, then veer down the corridor to our right. “It’s near the banquet hall with the other guest chambers for the Nothril Court. Come this way.”

When I steal a glance at her, Stella is carefully noting our surroundings, our path, and seems to pay special attention to the marble waterfall we pass. Maybe in another life, another set of circumstances, she could have survived in Faerieland.

By the time I’ve shown her Rahk’s door and taken her back to my quarters, there’s barely enough time for Edvear to serve Stella a light, un-poisoned meal, and for her to eat it before it’s time to return to the banquet hall.

I steal away to my study for just a few moments and shut the door. I lean against the door, closing my eyes, and let the despair wash over me.

Give up.

Keep fighting.

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