Page 692 of Cold Case, Warm Hearts

She began to sob. “I know.”

Sydney’s eyes burned as she watched the tender emotion between these people who meant so much to each other and to her.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.

Jarilyn raised her head from the tissue and looked Kendall straight in the eye. “Yes, you can find out who gave Reggie those drugs.”

By the timeKendall and Sydney got back to his house, she could tell that he was ready to talk. They sat in her jeep, and she listened patiently while bits and pieces of his pent-up emotions started coming out.

“I’ve known Reggie since he was in junior high.” He turned and stared out the passenger window.

The minutes seemed to hang suspended in the air. Sydney waited for him to continue. She was tempted to press him but had learned that there was no rushing Kendall. He would have to let it out in his own time, on his terms.

Kendall rubbed his hand through his hair. “It’s just so hard to believe.” He clenched his fist. “How could he have been so stupid?” Kendall hit the dashboard.

Sydney flinched. The anger had surfaced so quickly and without warning. Sometimes he was like two different people. Then again … She shook her head, remembering her hysterical outburst at the hospital when she realized the doctor had made her look just like Judith. Grief could do strange things to people.

“I can’t believe that Reggie did this to me. He knew how much I needed him.”

Sydney shook her head, not sure that she’d heard him right. “What?”

“He knew better than to mess with that stuff. He’s seen what it can do to people.”

“Kendall, Reggie didn’t do this to you personally. It’s just a tragic accident.”

Even as she spoke the words, it didn’t seem real. An image of Reggie standing tall on that first day she’d met him after practice flashed in her mind. His confident smile, the pride in Jarilyn’s eyes. “It’s just so hard to believe,” she finally said. “He seemed so clean-cut—the all-American guy. How long had he been on drugs?”

Kendall shook his head. He looked defeated and tired. “I guess we’ll never know for sure. The guys who were with him when he died came up clean. They’d been drinking but no drugs. One of them said that Reggie took a hit before the game so he wouldn’t feel the pain in his shoulder.” His voice broke. “And I let him play. He must’ve known that when push came to shove, I’d break down and let him play.” He stared off in the distance. “I wanted it so bad … and so did he.”

“What’s going to happen to Jarilyn? He was her life.”

The faint lines around Kendall’s eyes seemed deeper, sadder. His voice sounded hollow and lost. “What happens to any of us when we lose someone we love that much?”

“Yeah, what happens to me and to you?” she said softly.

“I was the first person to find him,” he said quietly as he looked out the window again.

“Who? Reggie?”

He turned to face her. “My dad. I was the first to find him. I got home from practice early that afternoon and went looking for him.” He paused. “I found him in the garage.”

Sydney’s eyes grew moist. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s my fault.”

She touched him on the arm. “How could it be your fault?”

“I should’ve known what was going on with my own player. Maybe then I could’ve prevented it.”

Kendall was talking about Reggie, but there was more to it than that. Sydney knew he was referring to his father. He was feeling guilty about his death. Oh, Kendall you can’t keep carrying around this guilt. You’re destroying yourself over something that you had no control over.“Kendall, you couldn’t control Reggie any more than you can control your other players. People make their own decisions.”

Sydney stopped short. Wait a minute. Is that what she’d been doing? It seemed so clear when she was analyzing Kendall’s situation, so much clearer than her own. She could look at it from a distance, with less emotion. Did someone murder Avery or had she been trying to create some phantom ghost to relieve her guilt? She shook her head, knowing that the question would continue to haunt her until she discovered the truth.

Kendall put his head in his hands.

She rubbed his back. “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

He raised his head. “Will you just hold me?”

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