Page 577 of Cold Case, Warm Hearts

Pain. So much pain.He wished it would cut him clean to the bone, open him wide and scoop out this terrible hurt.

His head swam and his lips quivered. Please. The silent plea lifted to heaven. Please, help me. How am I going to go on without her? Life was Susan. Without her—nothing.

“Avery.”A distant voice swirled around him like an echo trying to penetrate, but he couldn’t will himself to respond. He was as still as death, staring into the open grave. It was mesmerizing. A part of the earth, hollowed out and raked naked to swallow the memory of his love. Skin and bones, dust to dust. Where was the heart? Where was his Susan?

The voice came again, this time sharper. “Avery.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder. “It’s time to go.”

Avery turned to face Judith. The raw hurt blurred his vision.

Judith cleared her throat. “Everyone has left. It’s time for us to go too.”

He glanced around the cemetery. “Oh. I’ll be along directly.” He studied the flowers on the fresh grave. “It’s a shame how many flowers are wasted at funerals.”

Judith’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“That’s what Susan always said. She said that people ought to send flowers to the living, not wait ’til they’re dead.”

“Yep, that sounds just like something my sister would say.”

Avery didn’t reply. He was in another world. A world in which Susan still lived. How could they have possibly known that the seemingly innocuous lump in Susan’s breast would turn out to be cancer? They certainly hadn’t fathomed that three short years later she would be lying here. The flowers, so vivid and bright. How they mocked him, a smug reminder that not even Susan had the power to escape death. He groaned inwardly.Oh Susan, look at all these flowers.He looked up at the clear blue sky. It smiled when it should have cried. A leaden sky would have been more appropriate, or a gut-wrenching storm with enough thunder and lightening to shake down the mountains. His eyes lifted to the nearby mountain. “Susan loved the mountains.”

Judith’s face tightened. “You need to ride in the car with Cindy over to the house. People are waiting for?—”

“Let them wait!” A muffled sound rose in his throat, and he gulped it back down. All he wanted to do was run … run until he stopped hurting … run to Susan.

Judith’s gasp brought Avery back to reality. He was seeing it all in slow motion, like a man awakening from a deep sleep. He looked past Judith and realized for the first time that his daughter was standing there. The fire flaming in Judith’s eyes let him know that she would have given Avery a good tongue-lashing if Cindy hadn’t been present. “You go on to the car. I’ll be there in a few minutes,” Judith told Cindy.

Cindy’s eyes darted back and forth between Avery and Judith. “We just buried my mother. Can’t you two just get along today?” A sob escaped and she turned and ran to the car.

Judith turned on Avery. “Look at your daughter. Do you think you’re the only one who’s hurting?”

He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean?—”

“You’ve got to pull yourself together.”

Before he could reply, she turned on her heel and walked across the cemetery. As usual, her posture was perfectly straight and her chin was in the air. Judith’s back was so stiff that Avery used to joke to Susan that he was tempted to pull up Judith’s shirt just to see if she had a board attached.

There had been a strong resemblance between Susan and her sister Judith. Judith was older than Susan and half a head taller. They both had the same blonde hair and green eyes, but Judith’s features were more striking than her younger sister’s. At first, Judith had caught Avery’s eye, but it was Susan who had stolen his heart. There was something hard and impenetrable about Judith. Susan had compassion—something that Judith would never have.

Avery looked at his wife’s grave. Enough flowers had been sent from family and friends to fill a funeral parlor. The bouquets were now sitting beside the fresh dirt. If he stood there long enough maybe he could somehow use sheer will to bring Susan back to life. He knew it was useless—ridiculous, but he didn’t know what else to do.

The image of Cindy that flashed through Avery’s mind was the only thing that gave him enough willpower to tear himself away from the grave of his beloved. He turned and headed for the car.

Even though Averyassured Judith that he and Cindy would be perfectly fine, she insisted on staying an additional two weeks after Susan’s funeral. He watched her place the last few items in a suitcase. She fastened it shut with a sharp click. Three nights ago, the tension between them had reached a boiling point.After a heated argument, Judith became sullen and withdrawn, speaking to him only when necessary.

“You sure you don’t want me to drive you to the airport?”

“No, I can manage.”

Judith picked up her suitcase, and Avery grabbed it from her. “Let me help.”

She shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

He knew that Judith could leave without resolving their argument, but he couldn’t. He put her suitcase down. “Look Judith, it’s not that I don’t appreciate what you’re trying to do. I just want you to understand where I’m coming from, that’s all.”

“I understand perfectly well.”

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