Page 373 of Cold Case, Warm Hearts

“Do you?” He pulled off his readers. “You know me so well you know exactly what I’ll say? Seems to me like you haven’t been around much. Your sister is practically a stranger to you. I’m not much more than that.”

“Is that the reason you came here?”

Russ sighed.

“Don’t worry about it. You can go. I’ve got plenty to do.”

“Sure. Keep pushing away what’s perfectly obvious to everyone else.”

“Russ.”

“What?”

“It’s not him.” She bit the words out. “Ivan Damen is in prison where he belongs. He didn’t do this.” She waved at the boards.

“And your job is to find who did. No matter that it eats at you from the inside.” He folded his arms.

Addie closed her eyes. “You’re determined to make this as hard as possible, aren’t you?”

“You do that to yourself,” he said quietly. “Pushing away what’s real so you can pretend things are okay. You did it with your mom because it was easier to deal with her when she was gone. You’re doing it now.”

“Maybe I want to understand.” She stared at one of the victim photos. “Maybe I want to see the truth.”Of why Mom left.

“What if there’s nothing to understand. Just pure evil. That doesn’t mean it was your fault.” Russ tapped a finger on a young woman, terror in her dead eyes. “You think this was her fault?”

“Of course I’m not—” She exhaled. “I know what you’re doing.”

Addie was fully aware she had become an FBI agent to understand what she’d been through. To give a voice to thevictims no one had been able to save, the way she was rescued. Addie could bring the empathy of knowing exactly what they’d felt and experienced. To help walk a victim or witness through that first step toward healing.

“It’s not a bad thing.” Russ lifted a hand. “It’s what life gave you. What the Good Lord chose for you to carry. Until you’re willing to give it to Him.”

Addie didn’t even know how to do that. Maybe shewantedto carry it. After all, it was hers and it didn’t belong to anyone else. What she’d been through made her who she was. Without it, she wasn’t sure who was left over.

“Just don’t forget that the rest of us are still here. We’llbehere.”

Addie loved that earnest, pained look on his face. She always had, even if it meant she’d disappointed him. He cared about her. As much as she tried to make herself believe she didn’t need anyone.

“You got a whole lot of work done in just a few hours,” he said. “But if you need help, I’m happy to come in.”

She lifted one brow.

“I won’t give you a hard time.” He patted the buttons on his shirt. “I think I got it out of my system.”

Addie lifted her chin. “I’ll talk to Mona. Hang out with her.”

“She needs you. And I think maybe you need her, too.”

Addie didn’t want to admit that was true, at least not out loud. “This assignment is supposed to fix something in me.”

“Maybe it will. Is that a bad thing?”

“Someone at the Bureau thinks I could be more than I am, but they think Benson is holding me back.”

“Is it?”

Ugh. His questions were infuriating. “Like everyone doesn’t have hang-ups? Does every agent have to go back to where their trauma happened and get over it so they can get promoted, orassigned somewhere good or whatever?” This made no sense—and she needed to figure out what the deal was.

Russ chuckled. “You sound like Mona.” He shook his head. “Maybe not, but if someone thinks this assignment is worth it for your career trajectory, and the PD has something on their hands—they need extra personnel with a particular skill set—then maybe it’ll be worth it in the long run. Maybe we need you to fix something in Benson.”

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