Page 16 of Pack Baines

I can hear quiet chatter coming from the living room, a faint cry and several sniffles, before it all turns silent. I don’t like that. We’ve spent enough time over the years sitting in silence, lost in our thoughts, wondering what life would have been like if Juno stayed with us.

“You fuckheads actually order food, or did you plan on standing around gazing into one another’s eyes all night?” Lowie asksfrom behind us, and I whirl around, eyes darting as I search for the purple-haired beauty.

I only find Leylan stepping into the kitchen behind his brother, and my eyebrows furrow in confusion. Creek must feel it, too, because he asks, “Where’s Juniper?”

Leylan answers as Lowie rolls his eyes and reaches for his cell, ignoring us all as he fucks around on the small device. “She’ll be back in a moment. She just went to use the restroom.”

“Is everything okay?” Geo asks, just as worried as me, by the sounds of things.

“Pretty sure we all managed to overwhelm her, so she’s taking a breather for a minute. She’s having a moment to herself,” Lowie answers without looking up from his cell, tapping away before he peers over at Creek. “Did you actually order food, or do I have to do it?”

“I ordered it, man. Pizzas are on—” Sure enough, there’s a knock at the door, interrupting Creek effectively. He gives Lowie a look and finishes his sentence, “their way. I’ll get the door.”

Leaving the kitchen, I watch as he leans in the direction of the downstairs bathroom, the one I assume Juniper is currently occupying, before he heads to the front door. He comes back a few minutes later, arms bogged down with enough boxes of pizza to feed a small army, my lips twitching with a suppressed smile as the tower of pizza leans to the left slightly, almost toppling to the floor before he catches them at the last minute.

Placing the boxes on the counter, he gestures for the others to help him, Leylan grabbing plates, while Lowie gathers glasses and napkins, leaving Geo to help sort through the boxes. While they’re busy, I sneak out of the kitchen and follow the drugging scent of piña colada.

Rasping my knuckles on the closed door, I ask, “You okay in there, Blue?”

“I’m fine,” she rasps, her voice sounding anything but.

It’s the only explanation as to why I barge into the fucking bathroom like an idiot, shutting the door with a snick of the latch after myself. I stall as soon as I see a sad Juniper leaning against the sink, hands splayed and head hanging between them, her hair providing a curtain that blocks her face from the outside world. It’s only the refection that displays her pain, and it fucking kills me.

“Sweetheart,” I breathe, a pit forming in my stomach, my chest aching at the sight of those glassy, blue eyes that have haunted me for years.

Juno’s body tenses, as though she didn’t realize she had company, and she peers into the mirror, those stunning blues clashing with my own gaze. With a croak, she says, “I’m fine. I’m okay. I’ll be out in a second.”

She peers down at the sink, expecting me to leave, but I stay where I am, watching the once vibrant girl full of life despite the hand she was dealt with try to curl into herself. It’s like she’s trying to make herself smaller, somehow, a lesser target for the pain I can see painted on her delicately sharp features.

“You’re not fine, sweetheart,” I counter, taking a step toward her when I’m unable to keep my distance. I mean, she’s right there, so close. Closer than she’s ever been in the last eight years. Only a fucking idiot would stay away. “And it’s okay not to be fine. None of us are fine.”

She flinches, and I instantly feel like shit, despite my words intended to soothe. I take another step and hurry to explain. “This is a lot for us all, Blue. A lot of emotions, a lot of feelings. So, what I’m saying is, it’s alright not to be okay. Because we aren’t, either. But you don’t have to not be okay on your own.”

At that, she looks over at me, a tear slipping from her eye and leaving a scalding trail of liquid down her pale cheek. I smile, a somewhat sad one at that, and I hold out my arms for her, giving her the option to take the comfort I’m all too willing to offer. Hell, I’d give her the fucking moon if she’d asked. Because if there’s one thing in my world that hasn’t changed, is how much Juniper Henley means tome. My feelings for her haven’t depleted, my thoughts are still often hers, and I’ll be damned if I let her cry in the bathroom alone without arms to hold her, a shoulder to rest on, and a chest to brace against when holding herself up becomes too much.

Not even an hour into her reappearing in my life, and I already feel like I have everything I’ve needed and have been missing in all the years that she’s been gone. I just hope we can convince her to stay.

Chapter 7

Juniper

My head is a fucking mess. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. Maybe I should have stayed well enough away, because this hurts. My chest is in agony with heartache, my head hurting from every single memory that invades my mind, and my body longs to fall into Evron’s embrace. To forget all the heartbreak, pain, and sadness that’s doing its best to drown me.

I knew seeing them all, being around them all, would be hard. But I never thought I’d have the air sucked out of my lungs at first sight, have my stomach flipped like I’m on a ride at a carnival, or have my heart both crushed and revived with every face I looked at. All faces I recognize with stark clarity, and yet each one is different than the ones my younger self remembered.

Eyeing the arms stretched out to me, a welcome hold for me to fall into, I debate for all of two seconds whether or not I can even cope with more touches, more hugs, and more comfort, all of which I don’t feel like I deserve. Because I left them all. I didn’t mean to, and it certainly wasn’t by my own choice, but I left. I left them. I could have come back to find them, even if I was in fucking danger. I could have looked.

Eventually, the temptation of Evron’s touch is too much for me to fight against, the scent I took in earlier luring me close, the rich warmth of oak and hazelnut drawing me away from the sink andstraight into the arms that band around me the instant I fall into them. It’s been too long since I’ve had a hug, Mack’s not included. Before that hug in his bar, I don’t recall the last time someone just… held me. Embraced me, offered their touch to soothe me. It feels as alien as it does familiar, and I can’t control myself when I rub my face into Evron’s chest and wrap my arms around his back tight enough that he’d have to put up the slightest struggle to escape.

Of course, he doesn’t even try, and I should have expected that much. Of all of them, Ev has always been the most touchy-feely. Always seeking out affection when I was near, always needing to hold my hand, lie on me, anything that meant he had contact with me. It’s one of the things that took the biggest toll to go without over the years.

Evron sighs against my head, his arms tightening right before I feel him press a kiss to my hair, and I close my eyes against the onslaught of tears that threaten to fall. How the fuck do I have more to shed? I’ve cried more in one day than I have in the last year. It’s a miracle there’s a single drop of liquid left in my body.

We remain tightly bundled together, Evron’s hand running up and down my back with easy glides, his warm touch seeping through my jacket and shirt. All the while, I’m trying to wrangle in my emotions and whirlwind thoughts, trying to accept that beyond all hope and dreams and reasoning, I’m here. After eight years of separation, I’m back with the guys. My guys.

Tentatively, I murmur, “Well, this isn’t very ‘live, laugh, love’ of me, huh?”

A choked laugh escapes Evron, his arms tightening a fraction before he loosens his hold. “Not very cash money, no.”

---