Page 87 of Shot For Mercy

A few moments later, Matteo comes into the room, closing the door behind himself. My stomach flips when he walks closer to me, but he still stays a couple of feet away. There’s a lump in my throat that I can’t swallow past, and all I know is that I want this distance between us obliterated.

“Come here, Matty.”

His eyes widen at the nickname, and he shakes his head. “I can’t.” But even as his voice breaks, he takes another step toward me, and then another, until I can touch him if I reach out.

“On the bed, please,” I say softly, trying to convince him, and he looks indecisive for all of a few seconds before he toes off his shoes and lies down next to me. I flip over and get closer, his head on Em’s pillow as he turns his body to face me. He reaches out, about to touch my face, but then his hand drops to his side. I shake my head. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t treat me differently,” I whisper. “Don’t stop what you were going to do.”

Matteo looks conflicted, but then he reaches out to brush some hair away from my forehead, and my eyes flutter closed at the contact. “You can’t do that, Cole. Not anymore,” he says.

“Do what?” I frown, confused.

“Act like you love when I touch you.”

I nod, but still, I reach out and brush my knuckles over his cheek. “Why didn’t you answer me?”

“I needed time.” He shrugs. “I can’t—” His voice breaks. “I can’t just come every time you call. You chose him.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life, Matty.” My chest tightens as he searches my eyes, and he nods slowly. “I need you in my life.”

“I don’t know if I can be your friend, Cole.” Matteo sighs. “I just—love you so much.”

“I know.” My voice cracks, too. “And I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I know you are.”

Matteo gets closer until we’re sharing breath, then tilts his head up and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes at the contact.

“I don’t want you out of my life,” I tell him, and he stiffens. “Please. Just—please don’t go.”

“I don’t know what to do, Cole,” he replies with a frown. “I don’t know how to stop feeling this way. I don’t think I can watch you with my dad.”

“I know.” I nod quickly. “I’m an asshole for asking this of you. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that I mean every word. I want you in my life, and I’m not giving up. I’m not givingyouup.”

Matteo nods too now. “Baby steps.”

“I can agree to that,” I say quickly, feeling hope bloom inside of me for the first time in so long. “Anything you want.”

“I won’t be coming to the wedding.”

I sigh. “Alright.”

“It can’t be the way it used to be.”

“Why the fuck not?” I snap, and he has the audacity to chuckle.

“I was too codependent on you, Cole.”

“Okay.” I can’t help but agree, if only to keep him in my life. I’d do anything at this point. “I can agree to your terms.”

“Great.”

Matteo smiles at me, and his eyes light up in a way they haven’t in a long time. I can’t deny he looks like shit. Hair longer than usual, purple bags under his eyes, a permanent frown on his face, but he’s beautiful. Inside and out. I’ve missed him so fucking much. So I just stare at him, hoping like hell we can be the friends we’ve always been, even if he said we won’t be.

I’m holding onto hope, regardless.

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