Page 75 of Shot For Mercy

“Don’t leave him forever.” I swallow past the knot in my throat. “He won’t survive it.”

“And I won’t survive seeing him happy with someone who isn’t me.”

“You can be strong, Matteo.” I sigh. “He’s not. He watched his mother get beat to death. He lost everything and everyone. And who saved him?—”

“You did,” he huffs. “You got him out of there. You brought him tome. You fucking did this.”

“Yousaved him.” I shake my head. “You’re the one who took care of him.”

“You stole him away.” He looks away, and I can’t help but agree with him, so I nod. I know I did that. I took him. And nothing will ever change that fact between us. “You stole the only good thing in my life.”

“I—I’msosorry, Matteo.”

“Sorry isn’t good enough,” he says lowly, “I’m going to go talk to him now. Please give us some space.”

I nod, but he doesn’t even look at me before he walks away. He goes straight to Cole, who’s standing at the edge of the dance floor, and when Matteo approaches him, a tear slips down his cheek. Matteo wipes it away with his thumb and grabs Cole’s hand, and Cole accepts it, walking behind Matteo as he pulls him away from me.

My heart is in my throat as I watch them head outside, but I don’t follow. I said I’d give them space, and I’m going to do it. Even if it’s killing me inside. I walk toward the bathrooms, my pace hurried as I feel my face heat. I hope I don’t make a fucking fool of myself by crying in front of my guests. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. I’m going to lose him. I might lose them both. All I can do is hope that I’m enough for Cole. That he doesn’t leave me. That he loves me just as much as I love him.

But what if he doesn’t?

Matteo leads me outside, his hand clasped tightly in mine, and my stomach drops. Emiliano is probably sick, and I think I’m going to be too. Nausea churns my stomach as Matty takes me to the side of the building, pushing me against the wall and caging me in. He looks angry, sad, fucking devastated. All the things I feel too. Angry because he left me. Sad because he’s my person. Devastated because he’s never coming back.

His nostrils flare at the same time as his eyes water, and I can tell he’s trying not to cry. I reach out and cup his cheek, and he closes his eyes as if he’s in pain. It makes me want to drop my hand, but I don’t. I can tell he needs this.

“I’msosorry, Matty,” I whisper. “Please believe me.”

“I believe you, baby,” he whispers back, a tear trailing down his face. Mine stream down my own now, too. “But I can’t help but hate you, too.”

“Oh, God.” I close my eyes. “I can’t take it. Please don’t say that.”

“We have to be done, Cole.”

“No, no.” I shake my head quickly. “Never. I can’t stay done with you. Please, Matty. You mean everything to me. Don’t leave me.”

“Oh, fuck.” A breath shudders out of him, and he sobs. “Don’t say that to me. Don’t say it like you fucking love me.”

“I do love you!” I growl. “Why can’t you see that?!”

My stomach drops as he leans into me until we’re sharing breath, and I have the sudden urge to push him away. But I don’t. I let it happen. Oh, fuck. I did this.

“Tell me you’re in love with me too and I’ll leave you alone forever.”

“I can’t.” I shake my head. “I don’t want you to.”

My entire body trembles with fear as Matteo swallows hard, and a lump forms in my throat. It feels like I’m going to pass out from how dizzy I am, and suddenly it’s hard to breathe. He’s going to leave, never to come back. No matter what I do or say, he’s already made his decision.

“I know you’re in love with me too, Cole,” he whispers, and I shake my head, trying to deny it. I’ll deny it until my dying fucking breath. It would ruin everything. It would ruin my relationship. It would ruin our chances of having a friendship, too, because at the end of the day, I’ve always wanted Emiliano more. There’s no choice to make, no matter how much it guts me. “I see it in the way you’re so fucking devastated. You love me.” His voice shakes, and he slams his fist against the wall right near my head, causing me to jump. “Say it. Fucking admit it.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can’t say it. I can’t do it.

“Tell me, baby.”

I shake my head.

My bottom lip trembles as he takes a step forward until our shoes are meeting, and he tips my chin up with his forefinger. I open my eyes and see the pain in his. It feels like someone’s taking a knife to my chest and stabbing me with it. I can’t breathe.

Can’t fucking breathe.

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