Page 52 of Cross My Heart

It’s just a matter of time.

I’m getting my affairs in order before Noah gets back in eight and a half months, and nothing and no one will stop me from being with him.

Scarlett gets up from the couch, comes to the dining room, and looks right at me, then turns around and begins to pace the kitchen. She’s running her hands through her curly red hair, making it frizzy, and I sigh.

“What is it, Scar?” I ask her softly, trying to put her at ease. But she stops and faces me, her eyes welling up with tears immediately. The urge to sigh is almost too much, but I manage to hold it in. I did this to her. I continue to do this to her. I swallow past the lump of guilt in my throat. “What’s wrong?”

“I want a baby.”

Four words shouldn’t trigger me this much.

I tense. “We’ve had this talk?—”

“So, let’s have it again.”

“I’m not changing my mind, Red.” This time I do sigh. “It’s not the right time.”

“What the fuck do you mean it’s not the right time?!” she yells. “I’m about to be thirty years old, Tyler. My clock is ticking.”

“We’re still young?—”

“We’re financially stable. The bar is doing great—better than great actually. I have a good job that pays well. We have a house!” Her nostrils flare as she tries to get her temper under control. “And most importantly, I’m ready.”

“And I’m not, Scar.” This time I get up from my chair and throw my hands up. “I’m not!”

“And why the fuck not?!”

“Have you stopped to consider that maybe I don’t want kids?”With you.

“Fuck that,” she spits. “I know you better than that.”

“Maybe you don’t know me at all!” I shout. “Not anymore.”

“Fuck you!”

“You too!” I yell after her as she storms out of the house.

Running my hand over my face in frustration, I sit back down at the dining room table and open my laptop.

Then I reply to Noah.

Chapter 27

NOAH

Dear Noah,

I wish I was doing better, but things with Scarlett have been hostile for the past few weeks. She was angry when I returned from Fort Benning, and I think she still is. I know she knows something happened between us, so I can’t really blame her for being mad. But I just wish we weren’t constantly fighting. It makes everything harder. She wants to have a baby, Noah. A fucking baby. And I can’t give it to her. It breaks my heart, but I’m not the right person for the job. I know that, and soon she will too. I don’t think she wants to face the truth though.

I’m keeping my promise, baby. Before you come home, I’ll leave her. I have eight months to do it, right? It’s going to be so hard, but I know it’s the right thing to do. I just have to get my affairs in order. Sell the bar. Sell the house. It’s going to take a long time, but it’s going to be worth it. Anything for us.

My parents are okay. They miss you and ask about you constantly. But as if they know not to, they don’t push in front of Scarlett. She hasn’t been coming around much lately anyway. As for the bar, it’s going great. I’m just trying to get it ready for the new owner.

I miss you too.

P.S.

I mailed you some candy and other things.

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