Page 47 of Cross My Heart

“What the fuck?” I breathe.

“Stop it,” Noah growls. “Just stop, Ty. Respect your wife. Respect my fucking relationship.”

“Why are you here?” I frown, thoroughly confused. Because I thought for sure if he was coming here, it would be to finish what we started out there. To catch up. To?—

“To tell you that I’ve moved on.”

“I saw that,” I say dryly.

“Then back off.” He narrows his pretty blue eyes on me. His lips pursed. His nostrils flaring. “Stop acting like a jealous boyfriend.”

“Iamjealous.”

“You have no right to be,” he snaps, and my stomach drops. “Stop being a fucking coward and live the life you chose. You made your bed, now sleep in it.”

“You know what, Noah?” I growl. “Get the fuck out.”

“Gladly.” He nods once, then opens the door.

Leaving me behind.

A sob escapes me.

How did we get here?

Chapter 24

NOAH

27 YEARS OLD

The trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains has been planned for about six months, but now that I’m here I want nothing more than to leave. This is the first time I’m seeing Tyler in a year—that seems to be our thing now—and I’m feeling more vulnerable than ever. The truth is, I tried to replace him with Jeremiah. His touch, his kisses, his love. And it didn’t work at all. The worst part is that Jer called me out on it right before coming here today. He asked me if I have feelings for Tyler, and of course, I said yes. I didn’t want to lie to him. I’m tired of lying. It’s exhausting. But now looking back, I wish I had. Because the emptiness I feel at him breaking up with me means I surely love him too. And we’re best friends.

It’s not that I didn’t love him, that I don’t, it’s that he’s not Tyler. He will never be Ty—no one could ever compare to him. He has been my one true love for as long as I can remember, and that’s not easily erased. It doesn’t matter that I’ll never have him, I will always compare everyone to him. And I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to fall in love with anyone else, not fully. For that, I hate my pathetic heart. Because I deserve a chance at happiness, the same chance Tyler got. Even if he looks miserable.

Speaking of him looking miserable, maybe if he masked it a little better I’d be able to move on. But as it stands, it just makes me think of his wedding day two years ago. How he begged me to be with him. How he told me he’s in love with me. Sometimes I wonder if he really meant it. I wonder if I made the biggest mistake of my life when I doubted him. I wonder why the hell I said no. It’s not like I’m not already hurting. I didn’t realize watching him be with Scarlett after everything we’ve been through would hurt this bad, and man that was so naive of me.

I always thought that I was protecting myself from heartbreak by rejecting him. That I was giving him a chance to live the life he deserves, everything I’ve wanted to give him but can’t. And she can do that for him. I just didn’t expect to hurt this deeply by watching them together, and Scarlett takes advantage of every possible opportunity to rub their marriage in my face. She knows how I feel about him, and that’s worse because she’s so vindictive. I don’t know what happened to her as we grew up to make her this way, or the exact moment we fell apart, but it saddens me deeply.

The other part of me wonders how happy Tyler and I would be together right now if I had said yes. What would it feel like to finally have my person? Would we still be happy and in love two years later? I think we would be, and that is harder than I ever imagined because it makes me feel like I’ve wasted years that could’ve been spent by his side.

I look at my watch and sigh. I’ve been sitting in my car for the past fifteen minutes just staring at the cabin in front of me. There’s snow on the ground, and it’s freezing outside, which really doesn’t motivate me to get out. Something else that doesn’t motivate me is the fact that Scarlett and Tyler are probably getting cozy on the couch waiting for me, even though it’s eleven at night. I know I should’ve been here earlier, but the argument with Jeremiah took longer than I thought it would. Now he’s moving out of my apartment, and I kind of wish I was there instead because the thought of seeing Tyler with his wife guts me even more than my recent breakup. But I take a deep breath, turn off the vehicle, and then get out.

My feet are buried in the snow as I walk toward the front steps, the powder falling apart with my every step. Once I make it to the door, I hit my boots on the side of the house to get the snow off, then wipe them on the mat before entering the code on the keypad. The door buzzes open, and a wave of heat slaps me in the face. It’s dark and quiet in the house, which is not at all what I expected. They seem to be sleeping. Thanks to the listing though, I know exactly where my room is. Not that I’ll be going upstairs any time soon.

I walk through the house in the darkness, making my way to the sliding glass door by the dining room. It’s already unlocked, and I frown, but still open it and step back outside. I’m on a wooden wrap-around porch encased with a railing, and when I look to my right, there’s Tyler in the jacuzzi with his head resting on the edge of it. It’s fucking freezing, but I bet the hot water does feel amazing. I’m almost tempted—almost—to get in with him, but instead, I quietly turn around and walk toward the door. But before I can walk through it, he clears his throat, and I freeze.

“Did you really think I didn’t hear you come out?”

My heart begins to beat a little faster, and faster, and faster. Until the pounding in my ears is all I hear. My nostrils flare as I attempt to get my breathing under control, and the sound finally subsides.

“I’m just tired, Ty,” I tell him. “I was just exploring the house, but?—”

“Liar,” he growls. “You’re just avoiding me. Why can’t we just be the best friends we’ve always been and spend time together?”

I swallow hard. Ty is the least confrontational person I know, so for him to say this, I know he’s at his breaking point. “You know why.”

“Then why come around at all?”

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