Page 77 of Cross My Heart

Chapter 39

NOAH

Ilook over at Jeremiah, and suddenly there’s a bullet between his eyes. I cry out, the pain in my chest overpowering as I’m hit once, but it’s not worse than the pain in my heart. Another shot, this time to my helmet, and I go down. Another shot, this time to the side of my chest, in my ribcage. I feel the burning pain of the bullet going through my body, escaping out of my back. I begin to choke on my blood. I can hear myself gurgling, a terrifying sound. I’m going to die. I know this.

“Noah, you’re okay!” It sounds far away, and I frown. “Noah?—”

There’s someone shaking me, and my eyes fly open. I gasp, and the pain in my chest is the throbbing reminder of what I’ve been through. My skin burns as if my brain knows exactly what I’ve been dreaming about. My breaths are fast, coming out in little pants, and I can’t seem to be able to control them.

“Breathe, Noah,” Tyler says softly against my ear, kissing my temple. “I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

I try to focus on the way he’s breathing, but I can’t, and I panic, trying to sit up, clawing at my throat. Strong arms envelop me in a tight squeeze and pull me into a warm body. I’m suddenly the little spoon, and with his chest against my back, I try to mimic the way he’s breathing once more.

“That’s it,” Tyler praises. “Feel me, I’m right here.”

“What the fuck—” I breathe. “Fuck, fuck,fuck.”

Tyler buries his face in the crook of my neck and inhales deeply, then kisses me there. “What is it, Noah? Did you remember something?”

“Yes,” I croak out, tears stinging the back of my eyes. “Yes.”

“Tell me about it,” he pries.

“No, I can’t,” I sob, tears streaming down my face. “Ican’t. I can’t think about it anymore.”

“Please, Noah,” Tyler chokes out. “I can’t see you like this. I can’t watch you be in pain.”

I take a deep breath. “I keep dreaming of how Jeremiah died.” I hold my breath. “It’s on repeat in my head.”

There’s a moment of silence, then he wraps his arm around me tighter. “What else?”

“I keep dreaming of being shot,” I reply, leaving out the gory details. “It’s as if I’m living it over and over again. It feels real. Like I can feel the pain of the bullet going inside of me.”

“I’m so,sosorry,” he whispers, and I try to relax in his hold. With his arms wrapped around me, I feel safe, and I know it’s an illusion. But I can’t help but want to relish the feeling. “You’re going to be okay, I promise. It’s going to be just fine.”

“Help me, Ty,” I beg him. “I can’t unsee it. I don’t want to live with this.”

“Noah—” Tyler’s voice shakes. “Don’t say that. I can’t lose you.”

I flip over in bed to face Ty, tears trailing down my face now, and he brushes his knuckles over my wet cheeks. Sucking in a sharp breath, Tyler shifts his hand to the back of my head and pulls me closer. Impossibly close, until our lips are brushing. I hold my breath momentarily, and just as I let it out, his lips press softly to mine. A heat wave comes over me, crashing down my spine, and butterflies invade my stomach. He pulls away quickly, too quickly, and I frown.

“I can’t lose you,” he repeats.

I can only hope the memories stop coming because everything I have remembered thus far has been fucking tragic. Jeremiah’s death will be ingrained into my brain forever. The bullet between his eyes tattooed into my memory for the rest of time.

“Come on,” he says softly. “Let’s get out of bed. I’ll make you some tea, then you’ll take your meds and go back to bed.”

I grab the comforter and wrap it around me, going straight to the backyard’s covered patio and sit on one of the rocking chairs. It’s cold out here now, but I just wrap the comforter tighter around me and exhale loudly. I need to clear my head, and I know sleep will be hard to come by now. There’s no way I’ll be able to just lie back down and close my eyes after that nightmare—that memory. I don’t want it to replay over and over again.

“Here,” Tyler murmurs as he comes into view, holding out a mug for me. “It’s hot.”

“Thanks.” But because I’m stubborn, I still bring the mug to my lips and take a small sip. It immediately burns me, and I grimace. I can taste the slight hint of honey in the chamomile tea, and I savor it. I’m not usually a tea guy, but I can’t deny it’s hitting the spot right now. Especially with the chill of the night enveloping me. “What are we doing, Ty?”

I look over at him, and his brows furrow as if he’s confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Yesterday in the shower. And the night before that in the kitchen.” I sigh. “You’re a married man, Ty. Married to my best friend.”

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