Page 59 of Cross My Heart

“Not now,” he says with finality. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Are you still coming?” I ask him. “To stay with us?”

Us.

I fucking hate that word.

Noah laughs this time. “Yeah, I’m coming to stay with you and your wife.”

“Don’t,” I beg him. “Don’t do this.”

Yet I can still feel the relief filling my body to bursting. If he’s here, I can keep an eye on him. If he’s here, I can make sure he’s alright. If he’s here, I can remind him that I’m keeping my promise.

“Thanks, Tyler,” he whispers. “For always taking me in.”

“I love you,” I whisper back. “You know that, right?”

Say it back.

“I gotta go, Ty,” he groans. “I’m hurting.”

This time a tear does spill over. “Alright…I’ll see you soon. Call me if you need anything.”

“Will do.”

I sit down, looking at my soggy cereal. Yeah, I’m definitely not eating this. I think with everything I just found out my appetite is gone. How the hell am I going to tell Scarlett that the man she hates will be here in a week? That she’ll have to share space with him? I need to do right by her too. I’m going to give her a choice. To spend time with her family while he’s here or stay and see this through.

One thing is for sure though. I can’t fail him.

I won’t.

Chapter 32

NOAH

I’m finally back in the United States, home sweet home. I can’t help but wish I could go back to help before deployment is over, but since I know that’s not happening, I’ve resigned myself to the idea that I have to chill for a while. I’m still recovering from surgery after all, and I couldn’t even lift ten pounds if I wanted to.

Doctor’s orders.

Which leads me to now. I’m getting some belongings out of my storage unit to head back to Peachtree City, where Tyler is waiting for me. Tyler, my best friend. Tyler, the love of my life. Tyler, the fucking traitor.

I can’t believe he didn’t leave her. I shouldn’t be a stranger to pain inflicted by him, but this one just fuckinghurts. He made me a promise, and he didn’t keep it. No matter what he has to say about it, he didn’t keep it, and right now that’s all that matters. I can’t go over there and pretend everything is okay. As of right now, nothing will be again. Because there’s no way in fucking hell I can be okay with this. No way I can just show up, the picture of forgiveness. It’s just not happening.

Tyler and I are done.

What pisses me off even more is that I have nowhere else to go. Truly nowhere, or I’d go just about anywhere else. The last thing I want to do is be with both of them under the same roof. Not when I know Scarlett is going to try to rub their relationship in my face.

Are they still together? Are they intimate still?

Those questions make everything even more painful because now that they’ve made it here, they’re not leaving my brain until I know for sure. And I know that getting those answers will be dangerous for my heart. No matter how much I try to protect it from Tyler, it’s useless. He has unfettered access to it, and I don’t know how to revoke it.

Opening the door to my storage room, I grab my suitcases with my clothes in them and put them in the bed of my truck. There’s not much I’m going to need either way, so I close the door and get in.

The road home is a straight shot from Fort Benning, and it has always been easy to pick up and go whenever I have the time to do so. I watch as the pine trees blur by and sing a country song on the radio—Burn It Downby Parker McCollum. I’m pretty bad at it—singing—but it’s a way to try to calm myself down. My hands tighten on the steering wheel, and my leg shakes as I attempt to fill my lungs with air. The drive to Peachtree City usually soothes me, but not this time. Not when I know what I’m getting myself into.

I can’t deny that I still love him. It’s not easy to get over the person who is in all of your memories growing up—literally all of them. From being in my pool to going to the zoo and even joining us for family vacations while his parents worked. There’s not one important day where he wasn’t there, not one fucking holiday left unattended. And sometimes I wish I could take it all back, take all my memories and wipe him from every single one. But then I remember his beautiful smile and the crinkle in his clear-blue eyes, and I just change my mind. Life without him would have been pretty bleak. I guess he’s the most important part of my childhood. I wouldn’t be who I am without him.

And that sucks even more.

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