Page 57 of Cross My Heart

Chapter 31

TYLER

My life for the past few years has been hard, I just never suspected it would bethisdamn hard. Counting down the days until Noah’s arrival is getting harder to do by the day. Six months down, three more to go. The emails stopped coming a few days ago, and I’ve sent him about five more, clearly desperate and unable to hide it. Yet, nothing. No reply. I’m lucky Scarlett hasn’t found out about them, and I intend on keeping it that way. Yet I also don’t understand why he’s ghosted me.

Noah knows I haven’t left Scarlett yet. He knows I’m not getting cold feet, it’s just that it’s difficult for me to walk away from my best friend. That the guilt of it is also eating me alive. I told him I’d leave her before he came home, and I meant it. I’ve already started the process. I have a lawyer lined up, and then all we have to do is put the bar and the house up for sale. Serving her papers isn’t going to be the hard part. No—the hard part will be explaining why I’m leaving her. Why I’ve refused to give her children. Why I’ve been a terrible partner for the last decade. Why I’ve wasted her fucking time because I’m a selfish asshole.

I should’ve ended it the moment I started having dreams of a life with Noah, but fear paralyzed me. From the moment he kissed me, he turned my world upside down. I thought it was a fluke, the way he made me feel. I was with Ashley when the bottle landed on us, giving me a free pass to fulfill the one fantasy I never even thought I had. Until it happened. Then I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

And then it happened again.

And again.

For the longest time, I thought I’d never forgive myself for slipping up. I thought everything happened in the heat of the moment. I mean his parents had just died, for fuck’s sake. I thought he just needed comfort, that it would never happen again. But I was wrong because what I felt for Noah transcended anything I’d ever felt for her.

They’ve both been my best friends since childhood, but Noah and I’s friendship has been different. It’s always just beenmore.

It’s always just been ours.

Scarlett was a separate entity from us, and while she was part of the trio, she also wasn’t—not entirely. Noah and I hung out plenty without her, and our bond was never dependent on her. It was all for one and one for all, but there were exceptions. There still are. And Scarlett knows it all too well. She knows a lot more than she lets on, too. But she also makes her feelings known. Such as the fact that she now hates Noah. Has for years now, since before our wedding.

Noah has kept his distance throughout the years as much as possible, only coming around once a year. I can’t blame him though. It must have been so hard to see me with her, just the same way it was hard for me to see him with someone else. It crushed me, so I can’t imagine having to do it for almost a decade. But he’s kept himself busy and away from us, and I hated it. Between deployments and training, he was always gone. It’s given me plenty of time to try to get used to missing him, but I don’t think I’ll ever achieve it. Because I constantly do—miss him. But him being gone has also given me the time to learn to keep my feelings in check. To figure out how to pretend to be okay—for my sake and my wife’s. But I’m done pretending. Before Noah gets home, I’m leaving her.

Before Noah gets home, I’ll?—

The doorbell rings, snapping me out of my thoughts, and Scarlett frowns from across the table. It’s seven in the morning, and we’re having cereal for breakfast because we’re too lazy to cook right now. I got off work at two in the morning, but she woke me up anyway. I should be annoyed, but it’s my day to send Noah his care package, so I’m just waiting for the post office to open anyway.

I get up from my chair and walk the distance to the door when they ring it again. Twice over. Irritation floods through me, and I open the door forcefully. Two men stand in uniform in front of me, and my stomach sinks. No, no, no.Please, God,no.

“Mr. Hayes?” One of the men asks, and I nod. “May we come in?”

“Um—” I swallow hard, my stomach squeezing, making me feel like I’m going to throw up everywhere. “Is he—is he dead?”

“No, Mr. Hayes.” He shakes his head, and I blow out a huge exhale. “He’s hurt.”

I step aside to let them in. “Please sit down on the couch,” I tell them. “Make yourselves comfortable.”

They come into my house and neatly sit on the couch, backs ramrod straight. I can’t help but be nervous about what’s going to come out of their mouths. They stare intently at me, and I sit on the other end of the sectional couch, facing them. There’s a moment of silence between us, and then one of them speaks.

“Staff Sergeant Milner has been hurt in combat, and you’re his next of kin,” he starts, and I nod quickly. “He has been shot.”

“W-w-what?” I stutter.

Just then, Scarlett comes into the living room and gasps, shaking her head. “Babe?—”

“Go, Scar, please,” I tell her, directing my attention back to the men sitting next to me. “Not now.”

For once, she listens, leaving the room.

“Where is he?” I ask.

“He’s in Germany,” the man replies. “He’ll be back in the states soon.”

“Can I speak to him?”

“I will be providing you with hospital contact information.” I realize he’s holding onto some paperwork, and he hands it over. “He’s awake now.”

“Awake?” I frown.

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