Page 45 of Cross My Heart

“Did you think I’d kick you out?” I chuckle.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Maybe.”

I’m hit with a wave of emotion, and I swallow hard. “Stay.”

“Yeah?” I nod at his question. “Okay.”

“Flip over,” I demand, and he lets go of me, doing as he’s told. I press my naked body to his, pulling the covers over us, and hold him. I kiss the back of his neck, and it feels intimate. Like nothing I should be doing with a one-night stand. And maybe this is my sign. That it should be more.

“Night,” he says sleepily.

“Good night, Jeremiah.”

For the first time in a long time, I don’t imagine it’s Tyler with his arms around me. I don’t imagine it’s us living the life I always wanted with him. For the first time ever, maybe, I’m in the moment with someone who could be right for me, and that counts for something.

Maybe this is where I’ve belonged all along.

In someone else’s arms.

And when we wake up in the morning, and he gives me a sleepy smile, I find that I don’t regret anything.

Instead, I’m eager for more.

Chapter 23

TYLER

26 YEARS OLD

Ihaven’t seen Noah since the wedding. It’s been an entire year, and he claims he has just been busy, but I know better. He’s been avoiding us—me in particular—and doesn’t want to admit it. It’s fine, I mean, I’ve had to live with my choices for the past year, and I can wholeheartedly say I regret every single one. Any choice that doesn’t lead me back to him is the wrong one. Of that, I’m sure. But now he’s supposed to be showing up to my bar in a few minutes, and I can’t help but be nervous. Will it be awkward between us? Will he be angry with me? I hate that I don’t know the answers to these questions. For the first time in our lives, I can’t read him. I feel like he only agreed to meet us out of some sense of duty. Like he was forced to do it.

To top it off, Scarlett is angry that he’s coming over. Not that she has told me anything, but she’s acting jealous, and I don’t know if it’s because of something that happened between her and Noah, or if it’s something more. She couldn’t possibly know I almost left her at the altar. There’s no fucking way—because no one knows that except for Noah. And quite honestly, if I could have a do-over, I’d leave her in a heartbeat. I would’ve picked him a thousand times over. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that life is cruel and unforgiving, and he’s only mine in my dreams now. I can’t even be angry about it. It wasmygoddamn choice. I did it to myself. Even if he did push me in that direction, I shouldn’t have let him. I know he’s hurt that I didn’t pick him—even though he told me not to. I’ve never been more confused in my life, because I thought for sure he’d take me into his arms and we’d sail into the sunset together. But that’s not what happened at all, and now I have to live with it.

Life has really been testing me lately, especially when it comes to my wife. She wants to take the next step in our relationship and have kids. It’s only natural, I’m aware, considering we are financially stable and have already bought a house. But how do I tell her that I don’t want to have a family with her because she’s not the right person for me? How do I tell her I’m just biding my time and waiting for the perfect moment to break things off with her? How do I tell her that I’ll live the rest of my life waiting for someone who will probably never want to be with me? But also—how do I tell her I don’t want her out of my life just because I don’t love her romantically anymore? How do I tell her the guilt of cheating on her all those times is eating me alive? That I want to come clean. How do I tell her that I love her, just not like a wife anymore? The thought of it makes me want to throw up. She doesn’t deserve any of this.

If I know anything about Scarlett, it is that she knows how to hold a grudge. If I told her I want a divorce, she’d pry for information. But if I told her I fell in love with someone else—with our best friend—she’d cut me off and never speak to me again. I’m so fucking selfish.

Regardless of not being in love with her, I do love her more than I want to admit to myself. She’s been my best friend since I was thirteen years old. That can’t be erased no matter what I do or tell myself. But maybe I don’t love her as much as I think I do. Because if I did truly love her, I would have let her go to be with someone who actually wants her. Needs her. Has stars in his eyes for her.

But I’m a coward.

My life would be forever changed if I left her, but most importantly, I’d lose one of the most important people in my life. Am I really willing to risk that for someone who doesn’t want me to pick them? The answer to that is yes—that no matter what Noah Milner says he’s mine and will forever be mine. Until the end of time, I will live and breathe for that man.

Which is why now, as he enters the bar, the brightest smile blooms on my face. Fuck, I’ve missed him. He looks amazing, with his military-cut hairstyle—faded on the sides and a bit longer on top. His skin-tight shirt hugs his biceps and chest, and it makes my mouth water. And when he looks at me from across the room and his eyes light up, I think I’m going to pass out. But then Scarlett clears her throat, effectively breaking the little love spell between us.

“I know being subtle was never your strong-suit, but at least pretend for my fucking sake, Tyler.”

I swallow hard. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Noah comes to the empty barstool beside me, sitting down, and turns his body toward me. There’s a smirk on his lips, and I can’t help but stare at them. He clears his throat, and my eyes snap up to his, and a smile graces his lips. The most blinding, beautiful smile that makes my stomach flutter with butterflies. God fucking damn it I’m so gone for this man.

“How have you been?” I ask him, and his smile widens. He leans in and hugs me from the side, his hand lingering on my lower back for a moment longer than is appropriate. “I missed you. You forgot all about me, didn’t you?”

Noah shakes his head, “Never.”

“Then where have you been?” I’m aware I sound like a needy girlfriend, but I can’t help it. I’m hurt and he needs to know it. “Why haven’t you come by before now?”

“I’ve been busy.” He shrugs, looking guilty. “I don’t know I just?—”

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