Page 38 of Cross My Heart

“I’m not asking.”

“Fine.” He narrows his eyes on me, and I know that look. Now he’s being stubborn. “Then I’ll ask.”

“Ty—”

“Noah, baby,” he says softly, and my stomach flutters. “Will you go away with me? Leave this all behind and start a new life together?”

I shake my head, opening my mouth to speak, but he interrupts me.

“Please, let me speak,” he says, his eyes wide with what appears to be desperation. “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, but somewhere along the way, I’ve realized what I feel is beyond that. I’minlove with you, and I don’t want to spend one more second apart. Will you be mine?”

This is everything I’ve ever wanted. A love confession from him, and I can’t deny my heart feels so fucking full. So why am I shaking my head again? Why am I saying no?

“Ty—you made your choice when you said yes to her,” I say softly, “You already chose her.”

“And I’m telling you, I didn’t,” he argues. “Sheasked me to marry her, not the other way around. What the fuck was I supposed to do?”

“Say no.” My voice cracks. “You were supposed to think of me and say no. But then you had the audacity to ask me to be your best man!”

“Because I needed you here!” he snaps. “Because I needed to know that we were really over before I went through with this.”

“Well, here it is, Tyler.” I laugh. “We’re really over.”

I don’t know why I’m being so cruel, because the truth is that this hurts me more than him. I’ve been in love for longer, I’ve loved him from afar this entire time. But I just want him to have a life where he has everything he’s always wanted. A family, a stable marriage. Things I can’t give him. And I’ll sacrifice myself if that’s what it takes. I’ll bury my love for him in a tomb, even if it kills me in the process.

“I don’t love you anymore,” I whisper. “I’m sorry.”

“You can’t mean that.” He swallows hard. “You don’t mean it. You’re lying?—”

“I’m not lying.”

“Okay,” he whispers, seemingly defeated. “If that’s how you really feel, then let’s go to the altar.”

I want to say no. I want to backtrack. I want to beg him for another chance. After all, the thought of watching him marry someone else is a punch to the gut. But watching it happen? That will be a stab straight to the heart.

I just nod, and he walks away. I have no choice but to follow him out of the groom’s suite, and out toward the chapel. My legs shake as we walk through the doors and to the back, where the officiant is already standing. Tyler and he exchange some words, and I stand to the side, waiting for him to join me. Everything is a fucking blur.

After what feels like forever, the doors open back up, and in comes Scarlett, wearing a beautiful white gown that makes her look like a princess. Her face is bright with joy as she walks slowly down the aisle with her father by her side, and when she makes it to Tyler, he takes her hands in his as they stand facing each other. I can see his hands shaking, and she grins up at him. But he’s not nervous because of her, and now I know better. He doesn’t want to marry her, and I’m pushing him right into her waiting arms.

I’m so fucking stupid.

And I know I will regret this until the end of my days.

The officiant addresses the guests and says a few things about how Scarlett and Tyler met. He talks about true love, love at first sight, and I feel sick to my stomach just listening to him. Somehow, I manage to stand in place and school my features.

Tyler’s back is to me, and I can see him still shaking as Scarlett says her vows. They apparently wrote their own, and I’ve never been more jealous of the bitch in my entire life. It’s a good thing she called me out and said we couldn’t be friends anymore, or I’d really be hurting her feelings right now. I want nothing more than to speak up, call her a traitor, and walk away from this joke of a wedding. But because it’s Tyler’s turn to start speaking, I stay rooted in place. Maybe I am a masochist after all because I listen intently as he makes her promises to love her until the end of his days. And I just think it’s bullshit.

Thirty minutes ago he was talking about leaving her, and now he’s going to love her forever? But I did that, didn’t I? So why the hell am I so angry right now?

My body trembles with rage as Tyler pauses and looks at me over his shoulder. His eyes are pleading with me, and my bottom lip quivers. I can’t do this. I don’t think I can stick around and watch him seal this promise. But I look away, and Scarlett clears her throat. Out of my periphery, I can see him turn back around to face her. When he saysI do, I know it’s the final nail in the coffin of my heart. I will take my love for him to the grave, never to see the light of day again.

That’s what I have to do in order to survive.

I look away as her dainty hand wraps around the back of his neck, and she presses her lips to his. My eyes water as I look back at them, at the way he dips her for the wedding photo, and suddenly bile rises to the back of my throat. But I don’t move, instead, I swallow hard and look forward with a fake smile on my face as they walk back down the aisle together, holding hands. People shower them with flower petals, and Tyler looks back at me with sad eyes before he turns around and grins at the camera.

My hands ball into fists and my nostrils flare.

An hour later, we’re at the reception. It’s an outdoor party right behind the cute little chapel where they got married. There are long tables with white tablecloths, large gold candelabras with white tapered candles as centerpieces, and gold fine china with place cards right next to them. There’s also a dance floor right under the oak tree, with white streamers hanging down over it. It’s a beautiful wedding, and it makes me hate her even more for giving him something like this. Something I’ll never get to give to him.

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