It was strange to want the comfort and still be so nervous to open up. She had given her friendship to a small group of people, none more than Amelia, and that was all. Charlotte kept most of her thoughts and feelings locked up behind the iron bars of her will, worried she might upset her brother or do something that could affect their family.
For the first time, Charlotte realized how closed off she’d been for so long.
“I saw Selina today as I was returning from visiting Kitty and Cordelia.”
Frederick raised his brows, nodding. “Oh? And did something happen?”
“I was concerned, at first, about why she might be there. No one is to know of Cordelia’s existence, of Kitty’s. I will admit to being terrified that Selina had found out. She is such a nose for gossip, I just assumed…”
Her words drifted off, and Charlotte fought against the sting in her eyes. She had no right to be upset when it was she who could not be bothered to open up to her own friend.
“Did Selina imply that she would be delivering the knowledge to the ton?” Frederick asked, his tone gentle, still seeking to protect her from the discomfort.
“No,” Charlotte shook her head, “she doesn’t know. I didn’t say anything. Selina…Selina had been there to deal with her own matter.”
Frederick smiled. “So, then this is good news?”
Charlotte let out that harsh laugh again, folding over her lap to bury her face in her hands.
“No. Selina was there to see her solicitor, who aids the less financially stable people who live in the area, as well as his more well-off clients. She had been told by the heir of the Duchy of Soulden to find a suitor at once, for he intends to hoist her from her own home.”
“Oh, Charlotte,” Frederick places his hand on her shoulder, rubbing up and down with his thumb, “I am so sorry. I am sure that your friend will find her way, and we could certainly allow her to reside with us for a time.”
She shot her eyes over to him, floored by the suggestion. “You’d do that?”
“Of course.” Frederick nodded, his smile open and genuine. “She is your friend. Isthatwhy you are so upset?”
Charlotte struggled, getting to her feet and taking up pacing, which was her habitual method of relieving tension during stressful moments. It wasn’t working as thoroughly this time,and the swirling floorboard and wallpaper blended together into a muddled haze of brown and pale blue.
“Yes…and no. It’s not only that about Selina’s situation with the heir. She…she was so open about it with me. She spoke of it as if the information was merely a trifle. She had such confidence in her situation even as her eyes glassed over with tears.”
Hiccupping on the sob that burst up her throat, Charlotte stopped abruptly, looking down at Frederick who still sat on the edge of her bed.
“She just told me of the entire situation when I asked why she was there. Selina just told me, trusting the information to be safe with me. And when she inquired again about why I was there…”
“You couldn’t tell her.”
Charlotte’s tears dripped past her chin as she looked to Frederick and nodded. The guilt was a hand around her throat, a lead weight in her belly.
“I couldn’t! I wanted to. I truly believe I did,” Charlotte sniffled, walking back over to the soft bed with its smooth blue cover, and sat down. “But I couldn’t. And when I hesitated, Selina was…”
“Upset?” Frederick raised a brow, looking genuinely shocked by the notion.
“No.” She shook her head again. “Quite the opposite. Selina was understanding. She expressed that I could tell her when I was ready and simply left—back home to deal with this business with the heir. I felt so horrendous for not being able to tell her my secret.”
“Charlotte,” Frederick took her hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing her knuckles, “you are such a gentle soul. It is understandable that you were nervous to tell your friend of a truth that you have kept locked up for years. You’ve been trained all this time to never speak of it. In fact,…”
He shifted slightly so that he could look her directly in the eye, holding her hand as he took the other and rubbed his thumb over her wedding band.
“You married me because of the fear of that having that secret revealed caused you.”
She melted into herself as Frederick’s warm skin eased the ache she’d been carrying since she left Selina. Charlotte looked up at him with a mournful smile and then pitched forward, resting her head against his chest.
“Thank you…for understanding.” Her voice was muffled by her position, but she knew he heard her, and Frederick stroked his hand over the back of her head. “I just felt like Ihadto tell her, and still, I couldn’t.”
“Feeling obligated to open up to someone isn’t the proper motivation for doing so. You should feel comfortable with whoyou are speaking to. You have every right to keep this secret for as long as you feel you need to.”
She didn’t respond, just breathing in the scent of Frederick’s musky cologne—leather and bergamot. It took everything she had to keep herself from spiraling further, and Charlotte didn’t wish to do that. She wanted to be better at pulling herself together, at acting as the proper lady to this estate.