“When you ended things between us,” Juliet began carefully. “I was surprised to say the least. And hurt. But I was also understanding – even you must admit that.”
“I do.”
“And for a brief time, I tried to accept it, that there was nothing I could do to change your mind so why fight it? But Your Grace...” She looked at him pleadingly. “I do not accept it. I cannot! It has been weeks now, months, and each day that I am forced to live in a world where I know I will never get to see you again, where I will never feel your touch...” She reached out with one hand, but then held it back. “It is more than I can bare.”
“I do not care, Juliet. I am married,” Duncan said, not wanting to give any sense of false hope. “There is nothing that --”
“Run away with me,” she said quickly.
“Excuse me?” Duncan blanched.
“I know you are married. I know that you think you must commit – that your honor demands it as so. But it does not have to be that way. I love you Duncan, I always have, I know it now. And... and if you feel the same way about me, what does it matter what people think or say? Let us go where their voices cannot follow and we can live how we wish. Let us leave all of this behind, for who needs it. Let us --”
“That is not an option.”
“It is!” she cried. “Remember what we had...’ She took a step closer to Duncan, her chin beginning to quiver as tears welled in her eyes. “What it was like when we were together. Picture it, please. And then tell me that you do not miss it.”
“I do not miss it,” Duncan said, not even feeling a pang of guilt when he saw the hurt in Juliet’s face. “I am sorry, I am. But I do not --”
“You love her?” Juliet cut him off.
“Excuse me?”
“Do you love her? Because if you do...” She bit into her lip as she considered. “If you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you do, then I will accept that. But if you cannot...” Her stare became hopeful.
Duncan balked.
He took a step back and looked away, his face turning red as if he was embarrassed. Such a simple question, one that he should not have struggled to answer – or even lie about. Yet it was more complex than that and lying felt wrong to do. As if he was betraying her.
Perhaps that should have told him the truth of the matter.
His mind immediately drifted to their love making. First, those bliss filled weeks of domination and debauchery. Those he would always cherish, the luck that he had found someone with the same proclivities as him.
Then his mind went to these past two weeks. Yes, the sex this week had been different to what Duncan thought he enjoyed,but that was also the point. It was better. Better because their relationship was no longer so dependent on it for survival. And that made it real.
The sex was proof that they could work as a couple – that they did work. Because when they weren’t making love, they were spending time together, getting to know one another, learning and growing in ways that Duncan hadn’t considered fully until now.
Isabella pushed him like no other.
She angered him as if it was a sport.
She tested him. Teased him. She frustrated him! But she also knew him, and that was what Duncan now understood. She knew where the line was, how to flirt with it, how to provoke not just anger but interest and companionship.
Duncan had spent his life convincing himself he did not wish to fall in love. But perhaps that wasn’t really what he had been avoiding? Perhaps he had simply feared falling in love with the wrong woman, and for the wrong reasons.
That wasn’t Isabella. What was more, Juliet wasn’t Isabella.
“You want to know how I feel?” Duncan said.
“Yes,” Juliet pleaded. “I love you, Your Grace. And I know that you feel the same for me. But can you say it of her! Can you?”
A soft smile spread over Duncan’s face.
“What? What is it?” Juliet demanded.
Duncan opened his mouth to tell Juliet that he did indeed love his wife. Only he paused, because something about the confession didn’t seem right. This was after all, the first time he had admitted to himself that he loved Isabella and it felt that if anyone should learn of this first, it should be her.
“I do not love you,” he said to Juliet. “And that is all which matters.”