Page 35 of Protecting Tiffani

“For him to have a hand in your baby’s fate, he would have had to pay someone a healthy amount of money. I assume it would have to be the doctor, Dr. Yates. The second set of stapled papers is her bank accounts in the same time frame. Nothing, no money, was transferred from your father to her. And yes, I thought about cash payments, but once again, there was no big withdrawal except for the amount he offered Levi. But as you can see, he deposited that right back into his account. The last person I checked was the nurse, but as you can see, nothing in her accounts as well.”

He stands from the chair and squats down in front of me to pull me into his chest. His long beard tickles my face, but I don’t care. “So I went even further. I took a trip to the doctor’s office and asked to speak with Dr. Yates and the nurse that was with you that day. I told them the shortened version of what was happening, that your father made some remarks about making you lose the baby. They gave me this.” I pull back to see him holding a DVD in his hand. “On this disc is your first ultrasound and the last one. She let me look at it only because I might have threatened her, but sweetie, there was no heartbeat the second time. She also gave me the report that they did on your blood work. They tested for every drug known to cause a miscarriage, and nothing was detected.”

“So I really just miscarried the baby?” My tears are silent as they slide down my face, making a spot on his shirt. It makes me feel better knowing that my dad didn’t kill my baby, but I still feel this massive hole from losing them. Sonny stayed with me the rest of that day, talking to me about everything. I told him all my fears and emotions I held close, and he reassured me it would all work out. He held my hand as I watched the DVD multiple times.

Lost in the past, I’m staring absentmindedly out the window until the truck swerves and the trees that once were a good three feet away, start coming faster toward me. Sonny cusses, and I scream, but we never make an impact like I fear we are. He is able to correct the truck, and we come to a stop in the middle of the road, right by his mom’s house. My head whips around, looking for the reason that we almost crashed, and my gaze lands on a truck I haven’t seen in two weeks. Parker’s truck is sitting at the bottom of Levi’s mom’s yard. There’s steam coming from under the hood. I sit frozen as the driver’s side door opens, and Levi steps out. He looks like shit. His long hair is a rat’s nest, and it seems like he has been running his hands through it nonstop. He’s in the same clothes he was when he left the apartment, but the biggest thing is the massive black bags that sit under his green eyes. Green eyes that are locked with mine and making my heart do funny things in my chest.

“Are you okay?” Sonny asks. I nod my head, unable to say anything. “Stay here. I’ll see what the hell is going on.” He opens the door but forgets to shut it. Which makes eavesdropping on their conversation easy. “What the fuck are you doing, kid?”

“I’m so sorry, Uncle Sonny. I didn’t see you until it was almost too late. Is she okay?” Levi’s eyes never leave mine. They pull me in and keep me hostage until Sonny steps in front of him. They are the same height, so it breaks the weird thing between us.

“Where have you been? Are you drunk? I can smell the whiskey on you, Levi.”

“It doesn’t matter where I’ve been, and no, I’m not drunk. Well, not anymore.” I guess Levi tries to step around Sonny because he moves to the left, keeping Levi hidden from me. “Move so I can check on my girl,” Levi demands.

“No. That’s not your job anymore, Levi. You ran again, leaving her alone, hurting her while doing whatever you were doing,” Sonny says coldly.

“I know I fucked up again, but that’s why I’m here. I’m not going to hurt her again. Please,” Levi begs. That begging does me in. I can’t stand to hear the hurt in his voice. Knowing that I did that, I put that pain there, is killing me. He needs to know that it’s okay. While I was hurt when he left, both times, I don’t blame him. Opening the door, I slide out and steel my spine. Rounding the back of both trucks, I see Sonny looking pissed, but Levi just looks broken.

“It’s okay, Sonny,” I say, touching his arm. He takes a small step back but doesn’t leave us alone. Turning to Levi, his gaze is locked on my hand unwavering, and I worry that he might think it means something it doesn’t. “Levi, you didn’t fuck up. I did.” His mouth opens, but I hold up my hand. “You were right the day you left. I should have told you, and I apologize for that. I should have done this years ago, but it’s better late than never.” Here goes nothing. I'm giving up my last secret while standing in the middle of a gravel road.

I take a deep breath before continuing, “I thought you didn’t want me. I found out the morning of graduation. A week later, I went to the doctor, who told me I was super early, not even four weeks. Two weeks later, I started to have a small amount of bleeding. I thought it was normal but called the doctor anyway. She said she wanted me to come in that afternoon. I felt fine, besides the morning sickness and small bleeding. I had no pain, cramps, or anything but she… she told me there wasn’t a heartbeat. Just like that, I lost our baby. I had a procedure to make sure no infection would set up, and that was that. It was over before it actually started. I did try to call you, but your number was disconnected. Sure, I could have reached out to Adam, Emilee, or your mom, but the baby was gone, and I didn’t want to upset them like I was. So I stayed quiet, stopped talking to Emilee, and tried to move on.”

By the time I’m done, my whole body aches from how tight I’m clenching my muscles, so I don’t show how much saying all this hurts me. Levi takes a step forward, pulling me into him. My arms have a mind of their own, and they wrap around his waist, pulling us closer. He doesn’t smell the best, but the warmth that flows from him into me feels fantastic.

“Thank you for telling me that, but, Tiffani, every decision you made was because of my actions. How I made you feel the day I lied to you. I really need a shower, but will you please come to the house so we can talk? Please?” I nod into his chest.

Sonny clears his throat. “Go on up to the house. I’ll take care of both trucks.” Before allowing Levi to pull me to the house, I stopped, grabbing the box that somehow stayed perfectly still in that craziness. His mom is standing on the front porch as we approach. She hugs Levi but tells him to go shower. Neither of us says anything while we wait for him to get done. Sonny comes in and tells me that if I need him, to call and he can be here in less than a second.

Levi scares his mom and me when he clears his throat. He’s standing in the doorway to the hallway, watching us. While he was taking a shower, I was turning over the idea of showing him what was in the box, and the broken look still in his eyes makes the decision easy for me. “Levi, I want to show you something, but first, you need to know what Sonny found.”

“Okay,” he says, lowering into the seat next to me and grabbing my hands. I tell him about all the information Sonny found out about the baby. Tears are falling down his face, landing on our joined hands. Picking up the small box one handed, I place it down in front of him.

“All I have from that time is in here,” I say, my voice thick with emotions.

He opens the lid and, one by one, removes the six items, laying them in front of him. The positive pregnancy test I took sitting on the bathroom floor of the school, the only ultrasound I ever had, the bracelet I was given the day I lost the baby, the release forms for aftercare, a newborn hat I bought the night I found out I was having a baby, and lastly the card I got him. The one I hid in the pocket of my dress at graduation. I was going to give it to him that night at the dinner I had planned for us but we never got to. On the front, it says congratulations, and inside, I wrote him a little paragraph telling him he was going to be a daddy.

I can’t stand not being close to him anymore. He must have the same thought because he pushes away from the table and catches me as I go to stand from my chair. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here, baby. I’m so fucking sorry you went through that all alone. Please fucking forgive me?” He sobs into my hair as I soak his shirt with my tears.

Levi

I’ve never driven as fast as I did after leaving Tennessee. All I could think about was getting home to Tiffani. Holding her in my arms like I am right now. Once again, I’m grateful she didn’t push me away but she’s here listening to me. I don’t know how to tell them what happened in my dream, but she and Mom need to know. Tiffani pulls back out of my embrace to sit down, but she never lets go of my hands.

“Where were you?” she asks. I tell her about everything, the drinking, the self-hatred, and the storm I was in. A storm of my own making but one nonetheless. Once I get to the part of the story of why I’m back, I push away from the table to stand.

“I saw him.” I’m gasping for any air to make its way to my lungs because I’m afraid they will think I’ve gone fucking crazy.

Confusion crosses both of their faces, but it’s Tiffani who speaks up. “Saw who, Levi? You're scaring us. Look at you. You’re shaking like a leaf on a tree. Sit down, calm down.” She reaches out her hand, taking mine in hers, trying to guide me to sit down, but I pull her up, wrapping her up in my arms instead. “God lord Levi, your heart is racing.” My arms pull her deeper into my embrace.

“I saw him,” I repeat but continue this time. “I saw Dad. I think I was asleep, but I swear to god, I saw him. He talked to me and felt as real to me as you do right now, Cupcake. You have to believe me. Mom…” I look at her begging her to believe me.

Her hands are covering her mouth, tears streaking her face. “I believe you, son. How did he look?”

“So good, Mom, he looked so good. He was younger and could move without being in pain.” Pulling Tiffani away from my chest, I grab her face, sealing my lips over hers. It’s a wet kiss due to the tears we both are shedding right now, but the feel of her lips moving with mine feels like I’ve finally made it to the surface after being underwater for so long. It’s a healing balm for all the cracks and cuts in my soul. Breaking the kiss, I lead her back to the table and tell them everything that happened. Tiffani never lets go of my hand, and I’m so thankful for that. We are all crying hard when I get to the end of the story, but I have yet to tell Tiffani what I saw and heard.

I take her face in my hands and look directly into her eyes. “Baby, when he left, there was someone else there. I swear I saw the outline of our child. It looked to be the size of how old the baby would have been now.”

“W-what? Y-you saw our baby?” Her bottom lip trembles as she squeezes my hand hard.

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