Page 17 of Protecting Tiffani

“Emilee, it’s past midnight. Why did you get your husband out of bed to come here?” I squeak at her.

“Because Levi said you were in trouble.” Her stare turns cold.

“What is it with you Hill’s, always putting your nose where it doesn’t belong? I’ll tell you like I told him. I’m fine,” I huff out. I completely forgot about Parker checking out the place below. I scream and jump back from the door when he does his special knock. Emilee giggles and gets up to let him in.

He walks through and shuts the door behind him. “I didn’t see anyone. I shut the doors but couldn’t find the key to lock them,” he says to Emilee. When he turns to me, I don’t get the friendly Parker. No, I get the annoyed version. I roll my eyes because I’m not the one who called them to come down. He can take that up with Levi. “I heard you. She,” he points to Emilee, “is a West now, not a Hill. And it does concern us because whether you forgot or not, we love you, Tiffani.”

Guilt slams into me as his words sink into my heart. The rift between Emilee and me isn’t anyone’s fault but mine. I can’t be mad at her like I was at Levi earlier. “You’re right, Parker. I’m sorry it’s been a long day and…” How do I tell them what happened today? I don’t want them to know I’m poor. Both their eyes are glued to my face, waiting for me to continue. Fuck it. Years ago I told Emilee to stop trying to go at it alone. Time to take my own advice. I hop up on the counter and place my hands between my legs. I turn my full attention to Emilee.

“If I tell you what you want to know, you have to promise me that you won’t tell Levi,” I state. “It’s my only rule, Emilee. Either you agree, or you turn around and walk right back out the way you came.” I see Parker’s stance change and his jaw tense. “Easy caveman. I’m not trying to start a fight, but I do have the right to my privacy.” Fire rages in his eyes.

“You don’t have a right to anything in my eyes. We may love you, but I haven’t forgiven you for abandoning Emilee all those years ago.” His voice is low and cold.

“I never asked you to. I was going through a tough time. Levi just broke up with me out of the blue after proposing, and my parents were on my case worse than ever. I withdrew into myself and made some poor life decisions, but you guys should know that better than anyone else,” I whisper, reminding them of Emilee’s past. It might be the shittiest thing I’ve done so far, but I will not tell them the real reason I didn’t message her back.

“You’re right. We do understand, but…” Parker starts but stops quickly when Emilee places a hand on his chest.

“Easy caveman,” she says, which earns her a growl. Turning to me, she says, “I do understand, Sunshine. More than anyone, I understand self-preservation. It’s why I’ve never pushed you. I’ve been here silently, hoping you would one day find your way back to me like you found me all those years ago. I don’t know what happened between you and my knucklehead brother. All I do know is that I never stopped loving, worrying, or caring about you. Levi has grown up, and it takes a lot for him to even whisper your name, so something is going on. Tell me and I promise, if it doesn’t involve him, he will never know what you say..”

In five minutes, she has broken down the walls I constantly have around me. I jump off the cabinet and race into her opening arms. “Shhh, it’s okay, Tiffani. I got you,” she whispers into my ear.

“And I have both of you,” Parker says, wrapping us up in his big embrace.

Looking up into his eyes, I say, “I’m so sorry, Park. I never meant to hurt you guys. I’ve missed y’all so damn much. I love y’all.”

Leaning down, he places a small fatherly kiss on my hair. “It’s okay, Sunshine.” The nickname they both use for me makes my insides warm and gooey. “We all make mistakes. We love and miss you too. Now, why are we here?”

I leave their warm embrace to pull open my refrigerator. When they see the inside of it, they both talk at the same time.

“Sunshine, why?” Emilee asks with tears streaming down her face.

“Where is your fucking food Tiffani Summers?” Parker demands.

I spent the next hour telling my two best friends everything about my life and showing them my rundown apartment. Parker orders me to pack a small overnight bag. I make him promise I’ll be back in time for work in the morning, and once he does, I waste no time gathering clothes. He loads us up into his truck, taking us girls to the motel room they got for the night. He leaves us only long enough to run to the gas station in the next town over. He brings back loads of food that I make myself sick eating. It’s almost two in the morning when we lay down for the night. To Parker's dismay, I’m sharing a bed with Emilee. As I lay here trying to go to sleep, I’m consumed with guilt for keeping the most critical part of my story to myself. Am I doing the right thing?

Looking over, I see Emilee’s bump as she sleeps, unaware of the turmoil inside me. I have wanted many things in my life, but nothing will ever compare to wanting my baby. I would give my life to have her or him here with me. Finally, I drift off into a dream where a toddler runs around in a field full of flowers while Levi and I laugh, completely happy.

Chapter eleven

Levi

Thepainconsumingmysoul is just as bad as when I forced myself to walk away from her four years ago. That day the words that spilled from my lips tasted like poison, and I watched as they seeped into her soul, destroying everything in its path. It did what it was intended to do, the brightness that poured out of her was snuffed out, and for the first time, our insides matched. I heard her cries as I put one dead foot in front of the other down the hallway that stretched on forever. My heart stopped beating when she screamed my name, begging me not to do this to us. No one saw the tears staining my face or how my hands clenched the black graduation gown above the organ failing me. No one was there to see me collapse against the wall when I was out of her sight or to hear the devastation that I couldn’t keep in anymore. I questioned if my choices were right, but how could I risk everyone around me?

History has a reputation for repeating itself, and here it is. I force myself to walk down the twenty steps, grab the laundry, and walk away from her all over again. Throwing the baskets in the car, I sit here, staring at the upstairs windows. I crossed the line by pushing her. But how do you just leave someone you know is in trouble? Her apartment is in dire need of repair, and she has no food. I feel sick, not just to my stomach, but like I have the flu. My hands are clammy, and my shirt is wet with sweat. Everything in me wants to sit here or, better yet, go back in there and fix everything for her. But instead, I force my hand to start the car. I saw the same darkness in her eyes that I put there four years ago as she screamed at me to leave.

I don’t go home. No, I head to the gas station and buy a fifth of Jack Daniels. I head out to the last place my world felt perfect. The lake. I leave my phone in the car and blindly stumble through the woods until my feet touch the water. Sitting down, I crack the seal of the alcohol and don’t stop pouring it into my body until someone yanks the bottle out of my hands. The world around me is blurry, it’s steadily raining and darkness has fallen.

“What the fuck are you doing, baby brother? Trying to kill yourself?” Adam’s voice sounds funny and very far away.

“No. Hates me, she does. Don’t blame. Hate me too,” I slur.

“Who?” He lowers himself beside me. I reach for the bottle in his hands, but he throws it into the lake.

“Asshole. Mine,” I shout at him and try to shove him, but there are now three Adams. Which one is responsible for throwing my only escape away? I shove the right one and almost faceplant in the dirt when my hands meet only air.

“Levi. Come on, man. Let’s get you home. Mom’s frantic. Good thing Boe saw you coming this way and called me.” I’m pulled off the ground. My stomach lurches, and Adam barely has time to move before I vomit everything out. The bile burns my throat and even comes out of my nose. Gross.

The walk back to the cars is full of me falling to the ground, Adam cussing, and me dry heaving. Adam puts me in the front seat of his truck, almost slams my foot in the door, and stalks around to get in himself.

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