Page 39 of Fixing Emilee

“I watched you pull into yourself, and I heard the rumors around town about you being bullied, but I thought finally karma was giving you what you deserved. And yes, before you or someone tells me, I know how fucked up that is. I honestly just thought they were calling you names. I didn’t know they were physically harming you, I swear, Sissy. When I found out what was really happening, Carly had to physically restrain me from going and killing that asshole.”

“Then Mom called me telling me you were going to the hospital because you tried to kill yourself. When she said those words, it felt like my life was sucked out of me. The whole drive there, I prayed that you would make it so I could make it right. I broke down and told Carly everything I had been keeping from her. About Jenna, the sense of abandonment, the hate I misplaced on you, and how I felt. When I was little, I prayed for a sister, and there I was, facing losing you. She held me while I cried, and we spent the next twenty-four hours talking through everything. You have been so happy lately that I haven’t wanted to bring up all the bad stuff, but like I said, you are leaving, and I want you to know ...”

“You have to know before you are gone… Sissy, I’m so fucking sorry for everything. For blaming you for stealing Jenna when I should have blamed her. I can never say I’m sorry enough for not standing up for you when I heard what was happening. And god damn it…” He pulls his hands from mine, dropping his face in them. I slide off the bed to kneel between his legs, wrapping him up in a hug. I hear my door open, and we are pulled into someone’s chest. The smell of Black Suede fills my nose as Dad hugs us both.

“I failed you, Sissy. There are so many times that I should have stood up for you and been the brother you deserve, but I didn’t. I took my hatred out on you, and out of all of us, you are the one person who never deserved that. Can you find it in you to forgive me and let me be the brother you have always deserved?”

Pulling back, I lift my older brother’s head up so he is forced to look me in the eyes. “Adam Hill, of course, I forgive you, but more importantly, you need to forgive yourself. We were just kids dealing with emotions that we shouldn’t have had to. Jenna hurt all three of us; you were just handling that the only way you knew how to. Believe it or not, I grew up hating you and Levi because, in my world, you had the life I wanted. Mom and Dad wanted you guys but not me.”

Adam wraps his arms around my waist, squishing me to him. Both of us sob loudly into each other as the last crack in my heart heals knowing I have my brother back. I knew something had been bothering him, but Mr. Gold and I thought it best to wait him out.

“Emilee is right, son. None of you kids should have had to deal with the abandonment and the feeling of not being wanted. We all made mistakes, but the thing that we need to focus on now that the apologies are out is the future. Your sister is here, whole, loved, and fully fixed. Now I don’t mean to be the individual to break up this heart-to-heart, but we have to go, or your sister will not graduate.” Dad pulls back, helping us both stand.

I glimpse myself in the mirror to see my makeup running down my face. “Fuck. I don’t have time to fix this, do I?”

“I can do it on the way to the school, Sissy.” A small voice thick with emotions comes from behind my dad. Carly comes around him wiping tears from her face. She walks into Adam’s side, pulling him into a hug. “I’m so proud of you for finally talking to her. I told you she would forgive you and that she did, in fact, love you, my husband.”

“Husband?” I squeak out. Adam has a smug smile on his face, and Carly starts to blush.

“Yeah, about that,” he says, pulling Carly’s hand out so all of us can see it, including Levi and Mom who have just joined us. Sitting on her left hand is not only an engagement ring, but a wedding band as well.

“Holy shit!” I scream, pulling Carly to me. We start jumping up and down.

“Congratulations, Son. We will talk about this later. Seriously Emilee, calm down. We have got to go,” Dad’s voice turns stern.

“Okay, Dad. Come on, married lady, you can tell me everything while you fix me,” I say, pulling her behind me as we head to my high school graduation ceremony.

* * *

My heart-to-heart with Adam made us extremely late, and when I got here, I had just enough time to rush past Parker, give him a quick kiss on the lips, and find my place in the lineup. Worry is written all over his face, and I feel bad for not having the time to explain, but I will as soon as this is done. As the music starts and the line moves forward, nerves race through me. For the first time in my life, I let my mom talk me into wearing a pair of heels, and I am so scared that I will fall on my face in front of the whole school. I focus on putting one foot in front of the other. The noise level in the gym is at a minimum. As I wait my turn to walk out, I hear the different families yelling for their loved ones. I begged Mom and them not to yell for me, but as soon as Mrs. Crawford waves me forward, I hear my family hooting, clapping, and screaming.

I tune them out and focus on making my way to my seat. I breathe a little easier when I’m standing in front of the metal folding chair. We aren’t supposed to turn around, but I have to watch my man walk out. Turning around, I wait, and then I see him. He rounds the corner of the bleachers, and his eyes find mine instantly. He still has a look of worry on his face. I mouth, “I’m okay. I love you.”

I read his lips as he mouths back, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Adam and I talked,” I mouth back, not paying attention to anything around me. I watch as, finally, the worried look fades, and he smiles the smile that always makes my legs weak.

“I love you,” he mouths back. Two rows separate us, and I have to force myself to stay where I’m at because all I want to do is run back there to sit with him. Once he makes it to his seat, my view is blocked by the person behind me, so I turn around and focus on the individuals standing in front of us. I pat my pocket, making sure that the paper is still in there. If this ordeal isn’t stressful enough, the principal told me two weeks ago that the senior class had picked me to make a little speech before we get our diplomas.

The music stops, and we all sit down. I zone out, trying to build my courage because the time is coming when I have to stand up in front of all these people and talk. I spent hours with Parker, working on my speech, trying to make it perfect.

“And now, the senior class has chosen the individual they wanted to speak to us this evening. Normally this person is someone in the community, but this year it is one of their own. Let’s give a warm round of applause for Emilee Hill,” Mr. Clark, our principal, says, making my nerves come back in full force.

Standing up, I smooth out the gown, pull my head up high, and head to the podium. I shake his hand and lay the paper out in front of me. As I look out into the crowd, I lock eyes with Parker, and like we practiced, I act like he is the only person in the room with me. The applause dies down, and I clear my throat. “You got this, my butterfly.” Parker mouths blowing me a kiss.

“First, I want to thank my fellow classmates for asking me to speak today. I also want to take a moment to thank the administration and school board members for agreeing with them. Also, thank you to the parents and loved ones who have come out to show your support for us all.” My hands are shaking, but my voice doesn’t crack. I swallow and continue.

“I’m not sure why I was asked to speak tonight, but I don’t want to waste the opportunity I have been given. I want to start with a passage I heard while watching a tv show the other night. ‘Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some are small, like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. Some are bigger, like when we let down a friend. Some of us escape the pains of regret by making the right choice. Some of us have little time for regret because we’re looking forward to the future. Sometimes we have to fight to come to terms with the past. And sometimes, we bury our regret by promising to change our ways. But our biggest regrets are not for the things we did but for the things we didn’t do. The things we didn’t say that could save someone we care about. Especially when we can see the dark storm that’s headed their way.’

“This year has taught me many things, but the biggest life lesson was that we are given two paths in our lives. One will be clear of obstacles, and the other will be full of mountains, cracks, and holes. The easy path calls to us all because who wants to fight through anything when we don’t have to? But anything worth something comes with hard work, determination, and never giving up. I almost gave up. No, I did give up, but others around me didn’t.” My eyes land on my family in the stands before returning to Parker.

“Without them storming through the rough path ahead of them, I would not be standing here today. This year also taught us all that turning a blind eye to something that you know is morally wrong is easy. Being cruel to someone is easy, but is it right? No, so I hope as we leave this chapter behind, you will speak up the next time you see something that doesn’t sit right with you. This world is dark enough, and the more we shine light into it with our love, compassion, and understanding, the brighter it gets for us all.

“As humans, we all stumble, fall down, and make mistakes, but what we learn from those moments makes us better. As we prepare to go out into the world as adults, our paths will become more difficult. We are going to encounter more obstacles that try to break us, but I am living proof of what perseverance in the face of those obstacles looks like. I have faith that each of you in front of me has the determination, drive, and strength it will take to achieve your dreams and goals.

“I would like to leave you with one final thing. Don’t live in a world full of regret just because you take the easy road. Once again, thank you for giving me this opportunity.” My hands shake violently as I grab my paper. The room erupts with applause, and I see many individuals wiping their eyes. As I sit back down, my classmates congratulate me telling me how good I did. My heart is racing, and I can’t believe I just spoke in front of a gym full of people.

As the last person in the row in front of me sits down, my row stands up. This is it, the moment I have focused on for the previous year. Just like three weeks ago, I’m hit with a wave of not wanting to leave. As soon as I’m handed this diploma, my time as a high school student is over. I won’t ever spend my days here with my friends or Parker. As the names of the classmates to my left get called, and I slowly move down the row of chairs, waiting my turn, I can’t keep my tears from falling. Tomorrow is not only a brand new day but the start of the rest of my life. Parker and I both got accepted into the college in Cape. I’m doing an English degree, and he is majoring in business. In the morning, we are packing the truck his aunt and Larry bought him and heading out on a summer adventure. Levi, Tiffani, Zak, and a few more of Parker’s friends are joining us. I’m excited and try focusing on that feeling instead of the overwhelming sadness rushing through me.

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