Page 3 of Breaking Emilee

I’ve always thought I was beneath them, but I was sure that was all in my head. I never imagined that was how they saw me. I’m not sure what more I could do to fit in. I feel like I’ve made it my mission to be accepted since Vanessa showed up. Shaking my head, I can’t stand here thinking of all the times I’ve defended him, that I’m always there when he needs me, or all the physical stuff I've done to be there for him and have him in my life. What I need to do is get out of here, but how?

I still have Christian’s phone, but I can’t call home they will be pissed if someone has to come to get me. Carly, Adam’s girlfriend, she lives about fifteen minutes away and has always told me if I need anything to come to her. She doesn’t ask any questions but says she’ll be here soon: she’s too good for him. While the world has stopped spinning, my eyes are still stinging from the tears I’m trying to keep from streaming down my face.

I don’t want to go home, but I can’t stay here. It feels like my heart is being ripped from my chest. I don’t understand anything that is happening around me. Fuck I internally scream. I have to find the nerve to go give Christian his phone back. I take a couple of deep breaths, shake out my hands and pull my shoulders back, hoping I can make it through this.

Heading straight to where I heard them talking, I don’t stop till I round the corner and see them. They are no longer alone; a boy and a girl are standing, laughing with them. The boy looks like he is older than us, and I swear I have seen him before. As I approach, the boy nods his head toward me, making Christian and Vanessa turn around.

Here goes nothing. “Hey guys, no luck. Grandpa said eleven was late enough.” I try to act like it’s no big deal.

Vanessa smirks, leaning in, and whispers something in his ear. My stomach drops as my heart rate picks up, something is wrong, and I have to fight the urge to turn around and run.

“Of course, he did, Emilee. I’m sick of being friends with someone who always tries to ruin our nights. Vanessa and I are invited to an amazing party.” My eyes have been stuck on Vanessa and the smirk on her face, but my attention shifts when I see his face getting redder while his voice gets louder.

“Here you are ruining it by making us either A. Take you home and run the chance of being late. Or B, missing it entirely because you have some lame-ass curfew.” I swear I hear Vanessa say something, but the pounding in my ears is so loud that even Christian yelling at me sounds like a whisper.

“You never want to do anything fun, either. Everything we talk about doing is something you refuse to do. You can’t drink that. You can’t smoke that. My God, we are teenagers and are supposed to be having the time of our lives. We want to be somebody and have cool friends, but if we keep you around, we’ll be just like you. Damn it, I’m done.”

My whole body shuts down. My lungs stop working, my legs feel like they are filled with concrete, and my brain has no thoughts going through it. Until Vanessa moved here, Christian was my one and only friend. He promised to always have my back, to protect me from any and everything. But here he is, being the person that is destroying me, something I thought would never happen. The tears I worked so hard to control are back, and there is no stopping them this time.

Standing there with tears streaming down my face and my heart breaking in half, my brain decides to go from zero to a hundred, and I snap. I have never yelled or raised my voice toward him, but it’s like I have no control over my body. I feel as if I am watching all of this from the outside. How can he not see that he is absolutely destroying me?

“What the fuck, Christian? You know how hard it’s been for me. We have been best friends for three years; you followed their rules so we could be friends. Now I don’t even recognize who you are. What happened, why are you acting like this? What did I do that was so wrong to deserve this?”

This is so embarrassing. The boy, whose name I can’t remember, leans over and whispers, “How immature,” into the girl’s ear, making her giggle and Christian’s face even redder. I don’t know why that one little remark makes me pissed off, but I can’t take it anymore.

Getting into Christian’s face, “If you would have shut up long enough, I could have fucking told you I already called Carly. I asked her to come pick me up. I don’t intentionally try to ruin your fucking fun, no matter what you think.” He doesn’t even bother to look at me that feels like a slap in my face. I step back, “here.” I throw his phone at him, not caring whether he catches it. I can’t stand here anymore. “I’m going to go wait for Carly by the front doors. Have a great time at the party.” I turn and walk off before they can say another word.

I stumble my way through the crowds of people, bumping into many. I manage to mumble a sorry, but I don’t stop walking. I feel like if I stop moving, I will crumble into a million pieces that I can never put back together again. My whole body is shaking, and my legs feel like they are one second away from giving out. I’m consumed with worry over everything. Christian and I have had our share of disagreements, but nothing this big before. I really hope that we can come back from this. I don’t care about her but him; I can’t and won’t lose him. Sitting on one of the benches by the entrance, I’m sure I look like a mess to people, but I don’t care, my whole world just blew up.

Once Carly gets here and sees what a mess I am, nothing I say stops her from finding Christian and giving him a piece of her mind. I can’t follow her because I don’t want to see or hear what they have to say anymore tonight. While I only have Christian and Vanessa as friends, he has had other friends. I had seen what he had done when one of those friends embarrassed him, and I know he will not take Carly or me yelling at him laying down. I’m fucked, but I’m hoping I will call him in the morning after we both have cooled off. I will apologize for everything and hope I can make this all better. I can’t explain why he means so much to me, but he does. The thought of him never speaking to me again kills me.

* * *

Pacing in front of the table, I’m staring at the handheld house phone, too scared to enter his phone number. I barely slept last night because the tears never stopped coming. As soon as me and Carly got home, I wanted to call and beg for Christian’s forgiveness but couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Wiping my hands, one at a time, I finally dial his number and wait for him to pick up. God, please let him pick up and allow me to fix this.

“Emilee, what do you want?”

“I want to apologize for last night. I think we both said some things we didn’t mean, and I don’t want this little spat to come between our years of friendship.”

“No, Emilee, I didn’t say anything last night that I don’t mean. If you think you can talk to me like that and then sic your brother’s girlfriend on me, and I would be fine, you must be stupider than we thought. How can you seriously think I would want to stay friends with someone like you after you pulled that stunt?”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing come out of his mouth. He has been my best friend since I was fourteen. He is the only person whom I tell all my deep secrets. How is he just throwing all that away because he got embarrassed? What about the fact that he hurt me? What about me?

“I have wanted to drop you since July but didn’t know how. You gave me the perfect way last night. The only difference is before Carly, we were just going to stop talking to you, but you allowed her to embarrass me last night. Yelling how I’m not good enough for you and how I would be sorry when you smartened up and left me behind. Now it’s my turn to embarrass you. Watch your back, Emilee; you will regret the day you made me look bad in front of my friends. I will make you wish that we never met.”

“What,” I say, but it’s no use, the line goes dead.

My vision goes black, and I don’t remember what happens after that. I don’t know how long I sit on the floor with the phone in my hand. What am I going to do now?

CHAPTERTHREE

JANUARY

“You don’t have to come with me, Aunt Luna. It’s not like I’m five and need you to hold my hand. I’m eighteen and can do this alone,” I laugh. I don’t need to take my eyes off the secretary sitting in front of us, in the main office, to know Luna is rolling her eyes at me.

“You would think that I’d be used to the independent streak that you have” She playfully slaps me across my chest. “But I will not sit at home while you start your last first day of high school.”

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