Page 30 of Breaking Emilee

“Ah, sweetie, I could have told you that you can find the love of your life when you’re young. I know that your example of love hasn’t been the best with your mom and dad, but sweetie, you should trust your own feelings. Since you’re calling me, I take it you and Zak talked it out.”

“Actually, Mrs. Haines helped me understand what I needed to do to work through my feelings. She told me how she and Mr. Haines started. It really helped.” Zak walks into the room and sits on the bed staring at me.

“So, when are you coming home, bud?”

“This afternoon if that is okay with you. I want to see the guys for a couple of hours before I hit the road.” Looking at the clock, I see that it’s almost noon. Damn, I didn’t think it had been that long. “I’ll head home around two?” I ask because I want to respect her after everything that has happened these past few days.

“Yes, that’s okay. I’ll be here. I took this weekend off in case you needed me. I love you and am so happy for you. I will always support you and believe your feelings are real. I will always be behind you, pushing you toward whatever future you want.” I start to tear up at her words. How did I get so lucky to have her as my aunt?

“I’m lucky to have you, Aunt Luna. I love you and will see you soon.” I say. She says goodbye and then hangs up.

“You okay, dude?” Zak asks me seriously.

“Yeah, just have to take care of a few things, then we are gonna go wake up the boys.” I don’t read any of the messages from Vanessa. I delete them all. When I get to all of Emilee’s, I start to panic. I can see what I did hurt her more than I thought it would. Shit, how do I make this up to her? Should I text her and tell her why I had to leave? I don’t know much about love but telling a girl you love her over text is not the right move. It looks like this conversation will have to wait until I get home. I feel like an ass because I still haven’t worked on our project, but I will work on it all day tomorrow. As soon as I get home, I’m calling her to meet me so I can explain all this mess. Then I’ll work my ass off to make it up to her.

With one more glance, I place my phone back in my pocket, grab Zak’s phone out of his hand, and take off out the door. “Ohh, who are you messaging?”

He is right on my ass. “Give it back, you troll,” he says as he jumps on my back, and we fall to the floor.

“Boys, don’t break anything, the house or yourselves,” we hear from downstairs.

“Yes, ma’am,” we both call out. I feel lighter than I have in days, I’m ready to spend some more time with my boys, but I can’t wait to get back to my Butterfly. She’s mine, and it’s time she knows it as well.

CHAPTEREIGHTEEN

I didn’t wake up once, but I was plagued with the same nightmare all night long. I’m running through the woods behind my house. I can hear someone chasing me. I never see who it is as they keep to the shadows, and never say a word, but I can hear their footsteps always right behind me. I scream for help multiple times. I call for anyone in my life, from my grandparents to Parker, but no one ever comes to help me. My legs and arms are bleeding from the multiple cuts the branches have made. I fall multiple times, so my knees are red and bleeding profusely. I’m crying so hard my vision is always blurry, and my nose constantly runs. There is snot mixed with the dirt and tears on my face. I feel disgusting, but I’m dead if I stop running. Even though I don’t know who is behind me, I know without a shadow of a doubt if I’m caught, I won’t make it out alive. Finally, I reach the edge of the woods and find myself standing on the edge of a cliff. Below the cliff is a rushing river. The drop has to be over a hundred feet, but as I stand on that cliff, I’m more scared about what’s behind me than jumping. I don’t even think as I push off with all my might. A scream falls from my lips. As I fall faster, I scream, “I love you.” As my body’s about to hit the water, I shoot up in my bed, the alarm blaring next to me.

I’m covered in sweat and breathing as if that dream was my reality. Taking deep breaths through my nose and out my mouth, I’m able to calm down as five thoughts run through my mind.

I don’t want to go buy groceries.

I don’t want to clean this house.

I don’t want to cook again.

I don’t want to do this presentation myself.

I don’t want Parker to stay away.

Even though I don’t want to do anything, I know that that’s not a possibility. Dragging myself out of bed, I start my day. Instead of being present, I go through the motions of everything. I even space out on the drive to the store, which is very dangerous, but I can’t help it. I worried myself sick yesterday trying to get Parker to answer me, and I’m not about to do that again today. So, I do what I do best I shut down. I stay numb, that is, until I work on the project. Then, I fight with the feeling of needing to turn my phone on. I wonder if he’s back home yet. Is he coming back at all? What happened to make him run? What did he think about the picture I sent him? That thought makes me smack myself on the forehead and, in the process, spread glue all over me. “Idiot,” I whisper, going to wash my head.

Hours later, the poster and my own paper are finished. I’m sitting at the dining room table with a mess spread out around me when the door opens. I panic, thinking it’s my Nana, but it’s just Levi. He hasn’t spoke to me since Thursday when I yelled at him. I don’t know what I did to him or Adam to make them treat me the way they do. Deep down, I have always wanted to have the relationship siblings do in movies, you know, where they’re all friends. But my brothers have decided I’m not worth it, and I have started to agree with them. Looking away, I gather everything up and decide to move to my room. Dinner needs to be started anyways. Would anyone notice if I slipped a little poison in my food? I bet dying from poison is slow and painful, fuck that. If I do give up, it will be fast and painless.

“Emilee.” Two steps, two more steps, and I would be in my room safe. Turning around, I see Levi staring at me, but I can’t read his expression.

“Yeah?”

Walking toward me, he holds out a box that I hadn’t noticed before, which shows how out of it I really am today. “I was asked to give this to you.”

“From who?” I ask, shifting my stuff to one arm so I can take the box. It’s not that heavy. I wonder what it is.

“Christian, you know your best friend.” He smirks, turning and heading into the kitchen. My arms go numb, and my hands shake so bad I almost drop everything. Gripping everything tighter, I take those two steps into my room, shutting the door behind me. The poster board, my paper, and the craft stuff fall to the floor while I stumble forward and crash into my bed, not taking my eyes off the box. Don’t open it. My brain screams at me, but what if it’s something good? I pick at the tape till it comes loose, then pull it off the box.

Pulling the flaps back, I see a folded piece of paper sitting on a smaller box. Pulling everything out, I sit them both on my bed. Deciding to read the letter first, I slowly open it up. Christian’s handwriting stares at me.

When I first became your friend at thirteen, I was naïve and stupid. I really thought I had made a perfect choice. I was so afraid people would judge me for where I lived, who my parents were, and who I truly am. You seemed safe, but I got the wake-up call I needed and saw the real you. I could see that you weren’t worth my time. You are not worth anyone’s time, and you know it. There is no way you don’t know it. We watch you all the time. I see you always hanging your head down, afraid to look up, afraid to see that no one is paying you any mind. Everyone walks past you in the halls. If it wasn’t for us, you would go all day without being noticed, so I guess you can thank us for not forgetting you.

You’re so pathetic, but you know that as well. What I don’t understand is that you cut yourself, but you never do it deep enough to end it all. You can’t be holding out hope that we are going to stop or that someone truly wants you around. We will never stop. Watching you crumble and fall is too much fun. You used to be this strong force. No one would mess with you. They were scared of you, even the boys in the school, because you are fucking huge. They knew that you could crush them. But now, even though you have gotten fatter, you really should stop eating so much, you aren’t big and bad anymore. Your last stand was your undoing. You should have never come out with us that night. We didn’t, I didn’t want you there. But you still came, and then you had the bright idea to scream at me in front of a store full of people like you were the most important person.

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