Page 20 of Breaking Emilee

I don't move a muscle until the sky turns from the dark of night to light pink. My back and ass hurt from sitting on the cold ground all night, but it's a pain I welcome. Silently I make my way down the hill, over the fence, and the small stretch of gravel road back home. Sliding into my room, I know that I cut it close because as soon as my feet hit the floor, I can hear my Papa moving around. All the peace I felt moments ago disappears as I sit on my bed. I don't really want to see anyone today. I'm not ready to deal with school. Fuck it. Sitting up, I decide I deserve a break and can take one if I want to. All I have to do is act like I'm going to school, get on the bus, and never go into the building.

Pulling out my phone from under my pillow, I see it has died during the night. Sighing, I plug it up but know I won't have enough time to charge it fully. I need a shower after spending the night in the cemetery. Looking at the clock, I’ve got to make it a quick one. After showering, I find myself standing in front of my closet. Why is pulling one of my hoodies down and putting it on so hard right now? Looking between Parkers, laying on my bed, and mine hanging up, I close the door and pull his over my head. Not even wanting to work through why I'm still determined to torture myself with his smell, I pull my phone out and see a few unread messages. I don't have time to read them as the bus will be here in ten minutes. I shove it in my bra, thinking I'll deal with it later. Heading out of my room, I make sure to grab my book. I might not be going to school, but I won't slack on my responsibility to Parker.

As soon as the bus stops in front of the school, my nerves kick up, and my stomach turns into a big knot. Pulling my bag closer and looking around, I tell myself I can do this. I can skip school for the first time ever. Today's the only day I'm thankful that no one pays me any attention because it makes it easy to take a left walking straight off the school grounds. The park is on the other side of town, but I don't mind the walk. Its peaceful and town is quiet, and no one is paying attention to me. For the first time in a while, I don't have dread in my stomach weighing me down. When I get to the park, I don't stop at the first set of swings, but I head to the back, where there's a walking trail. It leads through the park, and if you follow it, you will find yourself at the front again.

About halfway down the trail, a little gravel path is off to the left. Heading further to the back of the park, I don't think many people know what is back here, but I do. There is an old water tower surrounded by a chain-link fence, but the lock is broken. I pull the broken lock off and slip easily through the gate, shutting it behind me. I found this place years ago as a little kid when we would come to the park, but I never told anyone. Making sure my bag is secure, I climb almost one hundred and sixty-five feet in the air. Like the cemetery, no one can reach me here. Up here, if I close my eyes, I can pretend that I'm flying. That I'm free of everything. Sitting down, my feet hang over the ledge, and my chest is against the railing surrounding the top. I pull out my book and phone. My phone says it only has fifteen percent battery life, so I turn it off. Plus, who am I kidding? No one will notice that I'm gone, right?

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

I’ve been laying here for hours waiting on Emilee to reply to me, but my phone has been silent. After she hung up, I poured my heart out, telling her I thought she was the kindest, stunningly gorgeous, funny, and smart individual. How I had this intense draw to her that I couldn’t explain. How I wanted to be the most important person to her and how that scared me, but I wanted to jump in with both feet. I’m sure it freaked her out, but why wouldn’t she just tell me it scared her so we could be scared together. As the hour drags on, I’m starting to worry something else is going on. Picking my phone off my chest, I dial her number. It rings four times before saying she hasn’t set up her voicemail. A frustrated sigh falls from my lips as I pull up our messages.

Me: Hey, it has been like four hours, and you haven’t messaged me back. Is everything okay? Did I say something wrong?

I wait ten minutes, but I have to try again when no reply comes in. As I type out the message, a huge yawn overtakes me, making my eyes tear up. I’m getting tired, but I need to hear from her before I can sleep.

Me: Butterfly, you are worrying me. I’m hoping that you just fell asleep and that you are perfectly fine. I’m probably going to fall asleep, but if you need me, call me, please. I’ll be waiting in our spot in the morning; come find me. Night beautiful.

I toss and turn all night, jerking awake to check my phone just in case she messaged, and I missed it. Somewhere throughout the night, I must have fallen into a deep sleep because the sound of my alarm clock scares the shit out of me. Looking at the annoying clock, I slap it until it shuts the fuck up. Grabbing my phone, and there are no new messages or missed calls. Knowing I need to get to the school quickly, I grab the first clothes my hand touches. I run out of the house without eating or even speaking to Luna. As soon as I sit in the same chair I sat in yesterday, I pull my phone out.

The screen is black, but when I wake it up, nothing. What is happening? Most males would take this as a sign that the girl or guy isn’t interested and move on but not me. I know my girl is interested in me; our situation is just difficult. She doesn’t see what I see, so she can’t believe I want her. She has me on this pedestal, thinking she isn’t good enough when in fact, I’m not good enough for her. My thoughts are all over the place. Did her grandparents find out about her cutting? If they did, are they sending her somewhere, and would they not let her say goodbye? Shaking my head, I need to stay calm and believe she is alright. That she is safe.

By the time the tardy bell rings, my body is shaking, and I feel like I’m walking a tightrope between insanity and sanity. I take off at a dead sprint to make it to class on time. Please be there, Butterfly,” I say as I round the corner and head through the open door. My eyes land on the table we share and see that it’s empty. Fuck, sitting down, I pull out my phone and hold it under the table even though it’s against the rules. Tuning out everything Mrs. Crawford is saying, my fingers fly over my phone, sending her message after message. I make myself wait at least thirty seconds between messages giving her time to respond.

Me: Why aren’t you in school?

Me: Are you sick?

Me: Emilee, why aren’t you answering me?

Me: Okay, I’m officially worried about you. Did something happen after I dropped you off?

Me: Where the fuck are you?

Me: Emilee, answer me, or I’m come to your house after class to find you!

Luna will lose her shit if I leave school because I have a massive test in shop class, but I don’t care. Something is wrong, and I have to make sure Emilee is okay. What if she cut last night and her family hasn’t paid her any attention? How long does it take someone to bleed out? Can she cut that deep? Fuck, now I need the answers to all of those questions. Hitting the Google button, I’m about to type in my first question when the sound of a book slamming on the table makes me jump. “Mr. West, you know the rules no cell phones during class. Hand it over, and you can get it after class.”

Fuck. Fuck me. I can’t just give Mrs. Crawford my phone. “But…”

“No, buts Mr. West, if you want it back after class, hand it over now. I will keep it all day if I have to write you up.”

Sighing, I place my phone in her outstretched palm. There’s no way I’m losing it for the whole damn day. Even though I don’t have my phone, I still can’t pay attention to what’s being said. My brain is a racetrack, the cars speeding around, all the worries about my girl. If she doesn’t answer me, I will have no choice but to leave school. She has no friends, so I can’t ask anyone if they have heard from her. Wait, she has a brother that’s still in school. That’s it. After class ends, I’ll find him; surely, he will know what is going on. With a solid plan, I beg the clock hands to move faster.

As soon as the bell rings, I’m out of my chair so fast it falls over. I don’t bother stopping to pick it up. I have a plan and need to get the hell out of here, but first, I need my phone. I make it to Mrs. Crawford’s desk before her. My anxiety is so high that my whole body’s trembling. I shove my hands into my pockets to hide them. Mrs. Crawford takes her time opening her desk drawer and pulling out my phone. The screen is black, and my hand is itching to grab it from her so I can turn it on. “Parker, this is your only warning. Next time you are caught on your phone, I will take it away for the whole day.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I try to keep my voice even. We only have five minutes between classes, and if she thinks something is wrong, she may keep me longer. That can’t happen. She holds out my phone, and I gently take it from her. Turning around, I light the screen up on my way out the door. Nothing, just like it has been for hours. My stomach is full of knots, and my chest feels like someone is trying to squeeze me to death. Not paying attention to where I’m going, I head down toward the sophomore hallway, but a voice behind me makes me hesitate for just a second.

“Baby.” Fuck me. I make myself continue walking, not answering her. “What, you’re just going to ignore us?” She comes into view as she steps around me, stopping me entirely.

“I’m not ignoring you. I just have to find someone.” I sidestep her while rolling my eyes. My anxiety can’t deal with a missing Emilee and Vanessa’s shit at the same time.

“Who?” Vanessa keeps pace with me as we pass the library. I glance inside but can’t see the chair I found her in yesterday. Not wanting to risk it, I listen to my gut that says she isn’t there and move on.

“Levi,” I spit out, not turning to look at her. Vanessa grabs my arm, stopping me in my movements. Turning my head, so I’m looking at her, I can see she’s angry.

“Why are you looking forherbrother?

“Vanessa, it’s none of your business. Please just go away.” The pleading in my voice makes me cringe. Over her shoulder, I see the back of a jacket with Hill written on it. “Yo, Hill,” I yell, pushing past Vanessa as he stops and turns around along with everyone else in the hallway. “Where is your sister?” I ask as soon as I’m in front of him, not even bothering with introductions.

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