Page 14 of Breaking Emilee

I know my actions will be hidden because of how the room is set up. All the desks face the wall with partitions on either side of them. Our backs face the middle of the room where the teacher’s desk is. I’ve been here enough to know that the chair squeaks when it moves, so he’s still sitting down. Pushing up my sleeves, I take the small razor blade and run it over the inside of my wrist. As soon as the first drop of blood shows up, my heart rate slows down, and I relax. I do this a couple more times before the squeak of the chair makes me stuff everything back in the case and into my bag.

The teacher is behind me as I get the sleeves down, covering what I’ve just done. “You know how this works, Ms. Hill. If you don’t have the rules written by the end of the hour, you will have to stay another hour,” he says over my shoulders.

I look down at the blank paper. “Yes, sir,” I answer as he walks away. I can feel the blood running down my palm, so I place my wrist under my leg, hoping the pressure will stop the bleeding. Sighing, I start writing the rules. I just have to get through the rest of the day and then go home. To the place where I may be overlooked and ignored, but it’s better than this. I’m so tired of living through this hell.

The rest of my day goes by without any more problems, mostly because I have the same teacher for my last two classes. Since I’m a senior, I don’t have any classes with Vanessa or Christian. The cuts I made have stopped bleeding, but I couldn’t clean them well between classes. I’m able to fix my bag with the help of the teacher’s stapler. It will have to work because I can’t afford to buy a new one. As soon as the bell rings to signal the end of the day, I gather my books and shove them in my bag, making sure to be careful. My sleeve is still wet from where I used the bathroom sink to wash the blood out of it. My hair is still sticky, but I can shower as soon as I get home. I stop quickly when I round the corner to head out through the cafeteria, which is the most direct way to the buses. Vanessa and Christian are standing by my locker.

I know there is no way I can get past them without another scene. I turn around and just head to the library. I can wait in there till they are gone. I’ll miss my bus, but I know my Great-Uncle will take me home. I know from experience that the library stays open till four for the students who need to use it. So, I’m not in any rush to leave. I go sit back down where I sat with Parker this morning. Pulling out my cd player, I start my music. As the song Nothing to Lose by Billy Talent starts blasting through my ears, I close my eyes after hitting repeat. I have a headache from earlier, but I need the loudness to drown out the voices in my head.

I slouch down in the chair, pull my hood up, let the tears fall, and lean my head to the side so I’m facing the back of the chair. No one is here, and I’ll only allow myself to cry until the song has played through twice. Then I’ll pick myself up and go home. The music cuts off after it’s played through once when someone takes the end of my earphones out of my ears, scaring me. Looking up, Parker is standing over me, his chest heaving, eyes wide, and nostrils flared. He’s pissed off.

I start to wipe my hands over the tears falling down my face because I don’t want him to see me cry. I can see the fire in his eyes get brighter. His pupils are so big that there is only a small ring of blue in them. The rest is black. Sitting up, I go to speak, but the lump in my throat stops me, and when he falls to his knees in front of me, I let out a strangled sob. Grabbing onto him, I bury my face in his neck and let it all out while he holds me like his life will end if he lets go.

CHAPTERNINE

I can’t believe that I told her about my parents. I’m not embarrassed about the situation anymore. It’s just not something I’m comfortable talking about with anyone. There are still plenty of moments when I think something is wrong with me. Why else would my mom not want me? Luna always makes sure I know how perfect she thinks I am. Like Emilee in the library, Luna has always told me my mom’s decision doesn’t speak about the type of person I am but who she is. Most of these thoughts have disappeared since I’ve gotten older, but it was all I could think of when I was little. It’s hard to accept when the individuals supposed to love you unconditionally don’t. I know Emilee can understand and relate to me, but that doesn’t make me feel better about it. It does the opposite it makes me more upset because I know how she’s feeling, and she should never have to question her worth.

Out of all the classes, this one is my favorite, and I spend all day waiting for it to get here but not today. Usually, time flies by but not today. I zone out, and Mr. Vector’s voice becomes background noise as my mind replays how beautiful Emilee looked this morning. What stood out the most wasn’t what she was wearing but how she carried herself. While small, there was a new confidence in how she carried herself. It would be selfish of me to think I had everything to do with that, but I hope something I did or said made her feel slightly confident. My eyes drift to the clock at the front of the room. Groaning, I see that only fifteen minutes have passed since I last looked at it. A groan leaves me as I give up and lay my head down, hoping the time passes by faster this way. As soon as Mr. Vector tells us we can pack up and head to the bus, I run out the door.

On any other day, I would take a nap during the thirty-minute drive back, but my body is way too excited to see Emilee again that I can’t calm down. My leg is constantly bouncing, and I can’t sit still in the seat. The bus doesn’t even come to a complete stop before I’m up and heading toward the door. This morning we didn’t discuss where to meet because I wanted to surprise Em by waiting outside her last hour class. That plan is gone now that the bus is late getting us back here. Pulling the doors open, I hope I see her standing at the end of the hall, waiting for me by the lockers, but I don’t. However, someone is standing there waiting on me, just not the girl I want to see.

Vanessa is too busy looking at her phone to notice me approaching her. I stand there for a few seconds waiting for her to move so I can open my locker. Clearing my throat, “Can you please move? I need to get in there,” I say, pointing behind her. She doesn’t say anything, just scoots a few centimeters down, enough that it opens just enough to pull my helmet out. “Thanks,” I grunt, not wanting to get into a conversation with her.

“Why were you with her this morning? Also, you disappeared at lunch. Where were you?” Hatred poured out with her first question making my suspicion about her involvement with Emilee’s situation rise. I need to stop dancing around the hard questions. If I’m going to fix her world, I have to push her to tell me. I shut the door as a sigh falls from my lips. I want to tell Vanessa that it isn’t her damn business, but I can’t. Turning around to face her, I tell her the truth. I might have promised my aunt to be nice, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have other friends.

“I was with Emilee this morning because I want to be. As for lunch, I was eating with her and plan on doing it in the future.”

I step back, but she steps forward right into my personal space.“What do you mean you’re going to be eating with her? You can’t be serious. You want to be around someone like that. How can you stand her?” She laughs, rolling her eyes. I ignore her, stepping left around her and leaving her behind along with her mean girl shit. Her hand shoots out, grabbing my bag and stopping me. “Parker, look, I get that you’re a nice guy but seriously, come on. Why do you want to be around someone like that when you can be around someone like me? She is a nobody, a loser, and will do nothing for you. Also, your mom, or should I say aunt likes me, and I know she won’t like someone like that fat bitch.”

I roll my eyes but shake her off and continue down the hall. She keeps up with my steps even though my legs are longer than hers. She learned the truth about my aunt last night when she invited herself over. “Whatever, Vanessa,” I say, grinding my teeth to stop what I want to say from coming out. Once again, her hand grabs my arm and pulls on it with all her strength. I lose my balance causing me to stop mid-step. She rushes in front of me, turning around to face me but continues until she is as close as possible.

I see the spit come out of her mouth and land on my shirt as she says, “Parker, forget that fat cow exists or else. She’s beneath people like us, and you know it. I don’t want to be a bitch, but I will be one to get what I want. You will be mine.” She threatens me.

Fuck this bitch. She doesn’t know who she’s messing with. If she thinks the way to get me to be with her is to threaten me, then she’s plain fucking stupid. Pulling my arm free of her grip, I fix a smile on my face and look her dead in the eyes. “If you’ll excuse me, I have someone waiting on me. I’ve been nice to you, but you just fucked up by threatening me. So go fuck yourself, Vanessa, and do whatever you think you need to.” For the second time, I walk around her and head down the hallway. This time she doesn’t follow me. Before I get too far, I turn around to add, “to me, because if I hear that you are messing with Emilee, you will regret it.” I don’t want her to know that I’m onto her, so I act like I don’t have any suspicion. She rolls her eyes at me.

As I go to turn around, the words she says next turn my blood ice cold and my legs too heavy to move. “She isn’t here, Parker. Unlike you, she listens when I say something.” What the fuck does that mean? Adrenaline starts pumping through me, making the heaviness in my legs lift, and I spin around to see her retreating down the hallway.

“What do you mean she isn’t here? What the fuck did you do, Vanessa?” She doesn’t stop to answer me. She just flips me a little wave over her shoulder and keeps on walking. My palms start to sweat, and my heart rate kicks up a notch. What the fuck did she do. I’m not scared of her, but I know that Emilee is. The thought of something happening to Emilee because of me scares the living shit out of me. I’ll take that bitch down if she doesn’t leave my girl alone. Damn It. I need to find Emilee because it’s time for her to answer my questions.

By now, the school is mostly empty, so I don’t hesitate to take off at a dead sprint. I can see the room where Emilee’s last class is held, but no one is standing outside. Please be here, Butterfly. Running straight into the room, the teacher sitting behind the desk jumps. I don’t pay that any mind. “Where is she?” I ask, out of breath.

“Who? Is everything okay?” She asks, standing up and looking behind me as if expecting someone to be chasing me.

“Emilee, this is her last class, right?”

“Yes, but she left as soon as the bell rang.”

“Fuck.” I scream, throwing my head back and pulling my hair. I run from the room as the teacher tells me to watch my language. Turning down the hall toward the student parking lot, I throw the doors open, hoping she’s waiting by my bike. Looking around the parking lot, I don’t see her. Damn it. What did they do to her to make her run from me? Letting my shoulders slump, I hang my head down, feeling defeated. I don’t know where she lives, so I can’t track her down that way. I pull out my phone and try to call her, but it goes straight to voice mail. So, I text her.

Me: Where are you?

I press send and stare at my phone, waiting for her to respond. After a minute, I know she isn’t going to answer me. Racking my brain, I turn around and head back to the school. There is one place she might be. Unless she is on the bus heading home. It’s a long shot, but I have to check. Pulling open the door, I try not to panic. She has to be in the library. She just has to. I get there but can’t see her through the windows. Once I open the doors and step into the room, my eyes go to the back right corner. The fear dissipates as I see her slumped in the same chair I sat in this morning.

Stalking over to her, I can tell that something is really wrong. As I get closer, I hear her sniff, and my vision goes red. I’m going to kill a motherfucker. I slowly pull out her headphones and hear the music blaring at full volume. She turns, looking up. Her eyes are full of fear, but that quickly changes when she sees that it’s just me. She sits up and starts to wipe the tears away. My shaky legs finally give out before she can speak to me, and I fall to my knees in front of her. Leaning in, I grab her, pull her to my chest, and wrap my arms around her waist. I can’t speak as I lay my head on top of hers because I’m afraid I might take my rage out on her. She doesn’t deserve it. Vanessa and Christian do.

My heart breaks as pictures run through my mind of the many ways to avenge her and make them pay for this. Seeing tears run down Emilee’s face feels like someone is stabbing my heart. I hate it with all I am. What I hate the most is that she might be crying because of me, of something I did. She told me plenty of times that she couldn’t be friends with me. I never thought that it might be because it would cause her harm. Tightening my arms around her waist, I bring her closer to me, rubbing her back, hoping it will bring her some comfort. “Let it out, baby,” I whisper into her hair.

Once her crying subsides, I lean back, wiping away the last tears sliding down her face. Her eyes are red and puffy, but she still looks so beautiful. Standing up, I take her hand and pull her to her feet. Turning around, we don’t speak as I lead us out of the library. When we get to the door, I can see the librarian look out her window with a sad, knowing look on her face. Once again, I wonder why she doesn’t say something if she knows what’s happening. She gives me a small smile and nods as I push the door open and pull Em out into the hallway with me.

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