Page 47 of Imperfect Desires

What the fuck am I going to do with these feelings between us?

I kissed her, touched her, and fucked her again. I gave in to everything I’ve been trying to fight, and I know I will never be able to stay away from her.

At this point, my best option is to walk away. I have to, because this isn’t just about me. It’s about everyone close to us, especially Viktor. The man who pulled me out of the gutter and gave me a purpose. The man who treats me like a brother. And I repaid him by tarnishing his sister.

There’s no coming back from this. I rise slowly, my hand trailing from Alina’s face down to her shoulder. My fingers linger there for a moment longer than they should. Her skin is so soft beneath my hand. I lean down, brushing my lips over her temple. Her brow furrows slightly, but she doesn’t wake.

I linger for half a breath. Just long enough to memorize the exact way she feels beneath my hand. The scent of her skin. The sound of her soft breathing.

And then I let go.

I stand and step back from the bed.

Cold air rushes into the space between us.

Alina sighs in her sleep, shifting onto her side. Her arm slides across the mattress where I’d been lying. She’s already searching for me. My throat tightens, but I don’t turn back.

I slip into my jacket and cross the room. I hesitate at the door, my hand on the handle. My gaze drifts back toward her one last time. She’s still sleeping, looking completely vulnerable and completely mine.

And I’m walking away.

I step through the door and close it behind me.

I don’t know how long I’ve been driving.

The black Maserati MC20 glides down the empty highway, the city lights fading into the rearview mirror. I’ve been driving for hours, but I have no destination.

The sun has already risen high in the sky. The skyline of New York is a jagged blur in the distance. My hands tighten on the steering wheel. The leather creaks beneath my grip, while her scent clings to my skin.

I scrub my face with my hand, trying to clear the haze from my mind, but it doesn’t work. Alina is everywhere. Her laughter, the way her lips parted beneath mine, the softness of her skin beneath my hands—it’s burned into me. My muscles coil as I remember the way she looked at me. So open. So trusting. Like she thought I would stay this time around. But here I am, running away in the middle of the night like a fucking coward.

I punch the steering wheel hard.

The car swerves slightly on the empty highway. My jaw locks as I steady the wheel, and my pulse thunders beneath my skin.

I should have done this earlier, walked away from it all. At least then, I would have left her pure, as she is meant to be. I have tasted her twice. And it will not stop if I do not leave.

My phone buzzes in the console beside me. I already know who it is.

Viktor.

I pick it up and stare at the screen for a long moment, then type out a message.

Me: I’m stepping down. I think it’s best for everyone if I disappear.

My thumb hovers over the send button. Alina’s face flashes through my mind. The way she smiled at me. The sound of her voice when she whispered my name. I close my eyes and hit send. A moment later, the phone buzzes with his angry reply.

Viktor: What the fuck is this? Have you suddenly gone mad?

I don’t reply. Instead, I turn off the phone and toss it onto the passenger seat. My jaw is tight as I press my foot harder on theaccelerator. The car speeds down the highway, the blurred trees and endless pavement swallowing me whole. I’ve cut ties before, walked away from things that should matter.

But this?

This feels like I’ve carved out a piece of my soul and left it bleeding in that hotel room. My hands tighten on the wheel as the car races through the empty stretch of road ahead. I don’t know where I’m going. I just know I can’t stop driving.

Alina

I wake up to the sound of silence.

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