Page 80 of Lust

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

SYDNEY

After getting back from the hospital, I hide out in my room. I can’t deal with questions and the slew of emotions assaulting my already battered body and mind.

I shower, washing any trace of that awful hospital smell from my body, avoiding looking at my bruised face. It’s another reminder, like I need one, of what happened. Dressing in comfy pyjamas, I climb into bed, dragging the covers over my head and hoping to vanish like a magic trick.

The news of Pa’s arrest was a blow but not unexpected if I’m honest. Just another thing to pile on top of everything else. It’s too much. And I’ve not even tried to unpick what happened between Roman and I, what JC did to us.

Tears roll down my face as I remember the anguish on his face as he laid on top of me. I shake the memory away, squeezing my eyes closed. I don’t blame him. I told him it was okay. And it was—in a messed-up way. But he’s barely been able to look at me since, and the self-conscious part of me can’t help feeling like he can’t stand the sight of me.

You’re being ridiculous, Sydney.

I must fall asleep and wake sometime later sobbing. It takes me a few minutes to realise I’m safe and not back in that barn.Not covered in blood after stabbing a man, not looking at the beaten and bloody body of a young girl’s mother…

My door opens and Roman steps in, his eyes finding mine for a second in the semi-darkness that of the early evening.

“You okay? I heard you crying,” he says, stepping further into the room, and dropping his gaze.

“Just a dream.” I shuffle into a sitting position, swiping at my damp face, as he comes fully into the room. “Roman?—”

“No, let me talk, please.”

“Okay,” I say, patting the edge of the bed for him to come and sit, but although he draws closer, he remains standing.

“I understand if you bl?—”

I bolt from the bed and slap my hand over his mouth before he can stop me. “No, no. God, no.” I shake my head and implore him with my eyes. “I don’t blame you.” I swallow down my fear, my guilt and all the other thoughts racing through my mind to focus on just this moment. “I told you I love you, and I meant it. I didn’t know it till then, but I love you and Blake.” I slowly lower my hand from his mouth as his arm snakes around my back. And my body sighs in relief at his touch. It’s an innocent touch but means so much more.

“And we love you. But I’m scared.”

I’m shocked at his words. Roman Stone doesn’t strike me as someone who’s scared of anything. “Scared of what?” I whisper, watching vulnerability wash over his face.

“Scared you won’t…that when we’re together again, that’s all you’ll see.” His eyes close against the pain of that possibility.

I shake my head. “I won’t let that happen. I won’t let thatmantake anything else from me, from us.”

There’s a rap of knuckles on the door, and I look over Roman’s shoulder to see Blake there.

“Everything okay?” he asks cautiously and slowly stepping into the room, taking in our position.

I call him over, and when he reaches us, I reach a hand out, brushing across the many bruises on his face.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, my voice cracking.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. This is not on you, Syd.”

“Doesn’t feel that way.” I push the guilt back inside it’s box and kick it to the corner. “But I know it’s not. I’m just…” I don’t know what the word is, so I change the subject. “I’m okay. We’ll be okay.” I lower my head, but it’s lifted a couple of seconds later.

“Hey, together we’ll get through this. I love you, Syd,” Blake says, and I can’t hold back the tears now.

“I love you too,” I manage to choke out, then I’m swept up in two pairs of arms. Wrapped in warmth, safety and love.

One month later.

I unlock the door,tossing my keys on the side table and head toward the voices in the kitchen.

“Hey, I’m back,” I say as I enter the kitchen, pulling up short when I see two cops standing there with Roman and Blake. “Oh… Hi, sorry to interrupt.”

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