Page 30 of Lust

“Fine. He couldn’t wait until he got home?” she says sarcastically.

“His bladder isn’t what it used to be,” I reply with a laugh. My attempt at humour falls flat on its face. “He won’t be long, then we’ll get you home. How’s the head?”

“Throbbing.” She instinctively reaches up to rub the lump on her head.

I have something of my own that’s throbbing.

What does it say about me that I’m thinking about sex at a time like this?

“I’m not surprised. From what Ro said, you took quite a knock.” I’m still twisted in my seat, facing Syd, but she’s looking at her hands in her lap and twirling her thumbs over one another. “Is there someone else you need to call, family maybe, to let them know about your dad?”

She shakes her head. “No, it’s just us,” she says, raising her head and looking out of the window towards the hospital entrance.

“What about your mum?” I ask, knowing I’m pushing it, but these are usual questions to ask someone you don’t know and whose only parent is in the hospital.

She doesn’t say anything for a long moment, and I start to think she isn’t going to answer.

“I never knew my mum,” she says, her voice sad and wistful. “Pa said she died when I was little.”

“I’m sorry.” I really do mean that. It’s not Syd’s fault her dad is a cunt! I’m curious about the woman who was unfortunate to shack up with Kincaid.

“It’s okay. You can’t miss what you never had, right?” She looks up at me with a small smile, then turns back to watching the hospital doors. “God, how long does it take to go to the toilet?” She claps a hand over her mouth, and her wide eyes meet mine.

“What?” I ask, not sure what has got her so afraid. Then I realise and can’t help but laugh.

“I can’t believe I used the Lord’s name in vain. It’s not funny, Blake,” she scolds.

“Come on, Syd. He’s not going to strike you down for saying his name. He’s not Voldemort.” That comment earns me a sharp glare. “You’re not seriously telling me you believe you’ll be damned for saying his name in the wrong context?”

“Not in this world, no. Judgement comes after death,” she says, and her tone implies she’s not happy having to defend her beliefs.

“Well, I guess judgement day is going to be fucked up for most of the world then, including me.” My words are harsh because the things I’ve witnessed, the things I’ve done, don’t lend much faith in there even being a god. I spin in my seat and face the windscreen, not wanting to talk anymore.

Syd’s thoughts are so loud, and I can feel her eyes pinned on the back of my neck. There was a time I prayed for God to saveme, but I guess the pleas of a neglected and often beaten child aren’t all that important.

“Hey,” Syd says as she places a hand on my shoulder.

I shrug her off, ignoring the small stab of regret at my reaction. “It’s fine. Just forget it.” A couple of minutes pass in silence. Long enough for my pain and anger to push forward and propel me to swivel around and face her. “You know, Syd, the world isn’t as black and white as you seem to think. Sometimes good people are forced to do bad things just to survive. I wonder what your Lord Almighty thinks about that. Next time you’re on your knees praying, maybe you should ask him.”

The driver’s side door opens, and Ro drops into the seat beside me. Sensing the smothering tension in the car, he looks between the two of us before settling his gaze on me.

“What the hell is going on?” he barks.

“Nothing,” I snap back like a petulant child.

“Blake was just enlightening me on his thoughts about my beliefs,” Syd snaps from the back seat with a huff.

I roll my eyes before turning to meet Ro’s intense stare.

Syd continues unperturbed, “I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on the matter,Reverend Stone!”

“You really don’t want me to answer that,” Ro says, starting the car and quickly driving away.

“No, you’re right, I don’t. That would surely reveal you as the fraud you are,” Sydney says, her tone cutting.

Ro chuckles, deep and menacing, taking a corner at speed, and if I weren’t so irked by Syd and concerned about what caused Ro to be in such a foul mood, then I’d be leaning over the centre console and giving Ro some mind-blowing head.

A huff comes from the backseat, and I know Syd is protesting Ro’s driving. The closer we get to Syd’s house, the more anxious I become, tapping my foot in the footwell. Something is going on, and the sooner I can get Ro on his own to ask the better.

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