Page 17 of Lust

The moment breaks some of the tension I’d been feeling, and I begin to relax in Blake’s company. I’m surprised at how easy it is. I’m not good around men. Certainly not confident, anyway. And my relationship with Paul hasn’t set a great precedent or instilled any trust in my ability to judge people and their motives. Not that I think Paul had any specific motives. He’s just a guy who allowed his desires to guide him. Pa has always saidwe must be true to God’s words and refrain from temptation. It’s been harder to avoid temptation and believe that since Paul and as I’ve gotten older.

In this past week, alone, I’ve slipped several times; drinking, reading inappropriate books, even just a glance, impure thoughts about Roman and Blake and masturbating, even if it was in my sleep. And now here I am, eating lunch with a man I hardly know and someone who I’m not entirely sure is safe regardless of his obvious connection to Roman.

Thoughts of Roman are another example of my lack of judgement. The idea that he was flirting yesterday is ridiculous. I never managed to ask Cress and Suzi about it at the lunch yesterday because we were too busy eating and talking about Sheila’s angry customer.

“Earth to Sydney. You okay?”

I snap back to now, brushing my thoughts aside. “Yeah, sorry. What did you say?”

With a chuckle, Blake says, “Nothing.” Looking over my shoulder, and picking up his napkin he adds, “This must be our dirty fries.”

Doing the same, I wait for Tina to place my plate—although it’s more of a bucket—down before picking up my fork to tuck in. My nose is hit by the tantalising scent of BBQ sauce and aioli mixed with bacon, and I hum appreciatively as I load my fork and bring it to my mouth.

As the flavours explode on my tongue, I moan and close my eyes, savouring that first taste. “Hmmm, it’s so good.” I open my eyes to see what Blake thinks of his only to find him staring at me. His hand holding his full fork hovers between his food and his mouth. But it’s the look on his face that has me almost choking.

“That noise is altogether too salacious, Syd,” Blake murmurs, and for a second, I think I misheard him. But as my cheeks heatand, no doubt, turn a flaming red, my thighs tense, squeezing together involuntarily.

“What are you doing?” I blurt, my usual filter broken and feeling flustered. “That’s…it’s…” I stammer, unable to form a coherent sentence to describe how utterly inappropriate Blake’s words are.

Shaking his head as though coming out of a trance, Blake says, “Sorry. You’re right. But that was so fucking h?—”

“Don’t!” I hiss. “Do not finish that sentence.” Using my napkin, I wipe my mouth and search the restaurant for Tina. Catching her attention, she hurries over.

“Everything okay, Sydney? Is there a problem with your food?”

I shake my head as I struggle with what I want to say. “No, no. It’s… Er, could you please put this in a takeaway box and bring the bill. I have to leave.”

Tina’s gaze flicks back and forth between Blake and me, her brow creased in confusion. “Of course. Give me a couple of minutes,” she says, taking my plate.

Blake doesn’t say a word. He sits there, napkin and fork discarded on the table, and stares at me like I’ve lost my mind.

Maybe I have.

Coming here with him was a mistake. I can’t be here. I can’t…I just can’t.

Within five minutes, Tina has returned, handing me my takeaway box and placing the bill on the table. Before I can grab it, Blake has snatched it up and is pulling his wallet free. He tosses some cash down on the table without looking at the bill, tugs his jacket from the back of the chair and follows as I walk toward the exit.

I speed up, needing to get far away from him. Far away from temptation. My mind spirals with thoughts of if I did something to lead him on, make him think that way. Was agreeing to go tolunch a date to him? He doesn’t try to stop me as I wind my way down the street, but he stays no more than two steps behind me.

When I turn off the high street and in the direction of Pa’s house, he hurries his steps to catch up to me.

“Syd, where are you going?”

“None of your business. This was a mistake. I’m sure you’re a really great guy, but I don’t need…anything from you. I’d prefer if you left me alone.” I walk a little faster, but it makes no difference. Each of his strides is easily two of mine. I turn down a side street with no idea where it goes, just that I need to go. Our footsteps echo between the walls of the tall buildings, and I realise we’re alone.

“Hey,” Blake says as he snatches hold of my arm, stopping me and spinning me around. I stumble, hitting the wall as Blake crowds me.

Oh god.I can’t help the thought as it jumps unbidden through my mind. I’m not worried about taking the Lord’s name in vain, all I’m concerned about is the man, twice my size, caging me in against a wall down an empty street; a man who made my innocent words sound somehow suggestive, sexual, and who has a strange effect on my body. An effect I’m not equipped to deal with or should even be having.

“Blake.” The name falls from my lips like a whispered prayer, and I scan his face, desperate to read his intentions. His eyes are no longer the warm, welcoming brown from earlier, and instead they’ve darkened, flashing with an unknown emotion.

He leans in, his nose touching mine, and I can feel his breath against my lips. “Oh, Sydney. So sweet, so innocent and untouched by sin.” His words are slow and condescending.

I shake my head because neither are true.

“No?” he questions, running a finger down my cheekbone and along my jaw. “You ever been kissed, Sydney Kincaid?” Hebrushes his thumb over my lower lip, my breath catching and sending a shiver through my body. “Oh, I know you have.”

I frown at his words, struggling to understand how he could possibly know that. Fighting with the fear of what he’s going to do to me and the twisted and sinful realisation that I want to know what his lips feel like against mine. Like he can read my mind, he smiles.

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