Page 87 of Court of Heathens

Adder accused me of not being able to keep her safe, saying I would be unable to choose between her and my duty, and he was right. When it counted, I failed her. I hesitated, and she knew it. She saw it, and she saved me one last time when I couldn’t save her.

I did not deserve her, and neither did this world.

They always told us the lives of many were more important than the lives of a few, but I do not care. I would give anything for her to be before me, and it’s then I realise I do not care anymore about this duty, my purpose, and this world.

I care nothing for it without her.

“I had given up on this world and our duty before her. Did you know that?” I snap at them, anger filling the pavilion as I face them. Magic pounds through me, demanding their heads for what they made her do, but I would have to take my own as well. I am no better than they are. “What is the point in doing our duty if we cannot protect those we love?” I shake my head, a bitter laugh escaping me. “We are pointless figureheads. We do nothing, yet we judge everything. It is not the world that doesn’t deserve us. It is us who don’t deserve it. We know nothing of the way they love. They live such short lives, but they live more freely than any of us, while we are an archaic, useless body.” I stare at them, knowing they will never change. “I was happy,” I whisper. “You stole that from me. I would have given all my lives for just one with her. I pray you never know this feeling inside me now. I pray for all of this to end,” I admit. “All of us . . . It’s pointless. We are pointless.”

I fall forward, my bellow of agony filling the world as my back bows. I feel so much pain, I choke on it as grief consumes me.

I now understand why they did what they did and why they were willing to burn the world for losing those they loved.

I let the pain wash through me and fill my soul. I deserve for it to hurt.

Find her, a voice says in my mind, and I lift my head to see Morsstaring at me.What is gone is never truly gone. Her power lives on. Find her and bring her back before it’s too late.

I frown, unsure what he means.She is dead.

Death is never truly the end. It is just another rebirth, he tells me.She lives on in what she loved.

My eyes widen as I realise what he’s saying, and a spark of hope fills me.

You will have to give up everything. He leans forward.A warning, my friend. You will have to embrace what she did to bring her back.

I do not care, I tell him.I will do anything. I clamber to my feet, watching him, and then I nod my head in thanks.

He gets to his feet, standing away from the others, and we stare at each other for a moment before I turn and walk to the edge of the pavilion.

“Phrixius, if you take another step, you are forsaking your duty . . . your godhood.”

“Then I forsake it,” I snarl, my lip curled in disgust and anger. “As my woman would say, fuck my duty and fuck you. It means nothing without her. I am done. I am done with it all. I do not wish to be a god anymore, not without her. Take your duty and your laws, I will not live without her.”

As I walk away, I swear I feel the god of death’s approval wash over me, but it’s snatched away, stolen by my pain and anger as I take a step off the pavilion and fall.

I am coming, Freya. Hold on.

CHAPTER 46

Ihiss as the chains continue to wrap tighter around me, burning through my skin to the bone underneath, only for my skin to regrow before the process restarts. It’s a constant agony, the godly magic within them containing my own so I am unable to free myself.

Wherever they sent me, it’s dark and humid. I can barely see around me, but what I do see are sharp, jagged rocks surrounding me as I swing from the chain. With nothing else to do, my mind wanders to my little witch.

Is she okay? The gods . . . They wouldn’t hurt her, right? Phrixius wouldn’t let them. I have to believe that. I have to trust that. I would know if something was wrong. I would feel it, but that doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t ache at her memory.

The last sight of her haunts me—her devastated eyes as she reaches for me. It’s all I see in the dark as I struggle to get back to her side.

We have not been apart this long since she was born, and I hate it.

I will get free and find her again, and if they laid a single finger on her, then I will destroy them, gods or no gods. Nobody fucks with my little witch. I just needto get free.

Agony rips through me, tearing me to pieces as something within my soul snaps and crumbles.

The deal, the bond . . .

“No!” My roar fills the cavernous space as pure grief rolls through me.

No, no, no, no.

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