Page 70 of Court of Heathens

I hesitated back then, hating the orders I had to follow, and although I didn’t kill those innocents, I did not stop the gods either because I knew we either eradicated them or were eradicated.

They banded together, obeying those stronger than them out of fear. They were either with them or against them.

I am not saying it was right, but we did what we thought was appropriate. Knowing she thinks we are all monsters . . . it ruins me.

Perhaps that is why when she appears at my side, I offer her my hand. “Can I show you something?”

She lays her palm in mine. With a devastating smile, I tug her closeand allow myself a moment of weakness as I press my mouth to her ear. “Take a deep breath. This might make you feel nauseous.”

I take us away, appearing back on my island. I keep her in my arms as she sways, and when she pulls away, she gasps, looking around in wonder. I follow her gaze, seeing it as she does—the beauty, magic, and otherworldliness.

It truly is a place of wonder, even if I never wanted to admit that nor cared before.

“Where are we?” she asks softly, heading to the edge of my island and peering over.

“My home.”

She glances at me over her shoulder before I join her at her side.

“This is the realm of gods. Here, we are free . . . and alone. Each of us was gifted an island upon our creation. It complements us. It is supposed to make us feel safe and protected.”

“Does it?” she asks.

“No,” I admit, unable to meet her gaze. “It just made me feel very alone.”

She hums then is quiet for a moment. “So the gods hide here.” Venom tinges her words, and I know the necromancer has already started to sow seeds of doubt into her darkness.

“Nobody is born evil,” I tell her. “It is decisions that make us such.” I feel her gaze on me as my eyes flit around the clouds. “That is our duty, and sometimes we make the wrong decisions. Sometimes we make good ones as well, but nobody ever remembers them.” I turn to her, searching her gaze. “I know you hate them for what you saw, but you did not see everything. The horrors that the gods committed . . . those decisions were not made lightly. You did not see the future as we did.”

“Phrixius—”

“We were not unaffected.” I point to a far-off island. “His name was Albraross. He was the god of harvest. After the dark wars, he withdrew to his island and went mad. He relived those wars in his mind over and over, questioning if what we did was right. The lives he took, no matter how evil, haunted him.”

“What happened to him?” she whispers softly.

“Gods, despite what you think, can be killed, and he ended his life rather than facing the truth. He could not live with it.” I glance down at her. “Maybe there was another way out back then, maybe we could have done things differently, but I need you to know, it changed us all. We ended the war, but they started it. There was so much needless death, and as the god of magic, I felt every passing soul keenly. I felt the magic building in the world, ready to be wielded . . . It would have destroyed the universe, not just your world, Freya. When the ones who seek power have it all, do you think they will stop? No, they would have kept going. It does not mean we do not grieve or remember. We have the gift of immortality, and the price for that is a memory that will never stop. We have to live, every single day, with our pasts and what we have done. We can never escape it. We grow alongside the world, and we do what we think is best, yet we can never find peace. Cities come and go, and civilizations are destroyed, yet we stand. It is our duty and our purpose.” I turn to her, letting her see the tears falling from my eyes.

“I have seen so much hate and destruction as well as beauty and happiness. I have lived with it for thousands of years, and I will live with it even when you are gone.” I slide my hand over her face, absorbing her warmth. “You have the beauty of time, Freya, to live each day like it’s your last because it might be. I do not have that. I know there will always be a tomorrow and that I will always be expected to keep going, even if I don’t want to. Immortality is a gift and a curse, and it was only after meeting you that I started to realise that. I would give it up in a heartbeat for just a day at your side, truly living and free to make my own path, my own future. I am destined to watch as those I grow close to die. I am destined to be alone forever. I never understood that before I met you. I was grieving for the life I wished I could have. No matter what you think, I am jealous of everyone on Earth. All of you get to enjoy this world knowing in the end, it doesn’t matter. I’m jealous of those who get to love and build a future and a life.” Looking back at the world of gods, I can’t help but wish I were not born this way.

“It is my duty, and I have done my duty for centuries. I have never once questioned our purpose or our cause.” Looking down at her, I memorise her face. “Until you. Maybe that is why I brought you here, because I can’t stand to have you think we are all monsters. We care so much, Freya, but our hearts have been broken time and time again, crushed under the weight of the laws we have no choice but to uphold. We are gods, but we do not have free will. It is just a fantasy. You humans dream of living forever, while we dream of living for a day. Ironic, isn’t it?”

“I think . . . I think both sides made mistakes, and wars are won by those fighting for something.” She sighs, taking my hand and pressing it to her cheek again. “I wish I could give you the life you want, Phrixius. I wish I could free you from your duties. I guess we are all bound one way or another by fate.”

“I guess so,” I murmur, looking into her eyes. “Which means meeting you. You stormed into my life, and I cannot be angry at that. In fact, I want to thank the Fates this once for giving me something precious, something worth fighting for.”

“Softie,” she teases, taking my hand once more as we stare out at the world, observing the peace. “We should get back. I suppose tonight will change everything.”

“It will,” I agree. I will never lie to her. For a moment, she looks worried. Turning her, I press my hands to her cheeks to tilt her face up to mine, and I give her my truth and my soul. I hand it over in the hopes it will be enough.

“I wish I could tell you that I would destroy this world for you and kill anyone who harmed you, damn the consequences, but I cannot. I am a god, Freya, but I would do something we cannot, something infinitely more dangerous. I would die for you, and I hope one day, that will be enough.”

“Why?” she asks, searching my gaze. “Why would you die for me? We haven’t known each other?—”

“Time does not matter to an immortal. I knew from the first moment I met you that you would be important to me. In all mythousands of years, I have never met another like you. I care for you a lot, more than I have anyone before.”

“Even knowing what I could become?” There it is, her true fear—herself.

“Even then,” I admit. “I lied to myself. I told myself I stayed at your side in case you embraced the darkness, but the truth is, I stayed at your side because I did not want to be anywhere else, and if you’ll let me, I’ll stay there forever.”

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