Page 33 of Court of Heathens

It terrifies me, but I’m tired of running.

I freed something evil, and a zombie recognises me.

My demon knows, and I need to as well.

My ears seem to buzz, and my soul tells me to stop and turn away, like watching a car crash, but I can’t. I need to know. I have to know. All this time, I thought I was just battling something everyone had inside or an effect of my magic, but the way the demon was talking . . . It’s like he thinks it’s more.

His fear should have me crawling back to bed and ignoring it as best as I can, but I’m so tired of pretending and hiding from the truth. Maybe if I know, then I can stop whatever is inside me.

“Demon,” I call, but he ignores me, pretending to read a book. He doesn’t realise it’s upside down. “Demon, do not ignore me.” With a twist of my fingers, I burn the book to a crisp and drag the chair closer so he’s before me. He warily meets my gaze.

“How about I cook us some—” He tries to hop up.

“Sit down,” I demand, and he slowly sinks into the chair. “Tell me what you know. Now, and I mean it.”

“I know, that’s what scares me,” he mutters slowly, watching me carefully. “Knowing will not help, Freya. It will only make it worse, as if acknowledging it will give it power.”

“I live with this thing inside me, it has enough power already, so tell me. I want to know what you know. Please,” I beg, taking his hand. “I feel like I’m going crazy all the time, running from something inside me that I can never outpace. I need to know what will happen.”

“You have hidden from it for so long, without realising you released it via pleasure to stop it from building up. You have spent your entire life like a clenched fist, but if I release that fist, I don’t know what will happen,” he admits. “I sensed it when I first met you.”

“You know what it is?” I press.

“I suspect, but I will not tell you in case I am wrong. You do not want to live with that.” He holds his hand up to stop my anger. “What I do know is that it is strong and dark. It has an edge to it, like my magic. It’s born from darkness and evil, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily evil.”

My body goes cold all over, while my skin seems to erupt with a thousand goosebumps at the same time. My heart begins to ache like it’s shattering inside my chest and those broken pieces are cutting me open from the inside.

“Evil . . . I have something evil inside me,” I whisper.

“Darkness is not all evil, and evil doesn’t mean you will become so. Look at me. It’s what we choose to do with it that matters, Freya,” he tells me, cupping my cheeks so I’ll look at him. “I am worried, though, because darkness senses darkness, and I think whoever is behind this could feel your magic interact with theirs if you used it on the zombie. We just need to be careful while we are hunting, that’s all.”

“I’m scared,” I admit, and he presses his forehead to mine, peering into my eyes.

“I know, but I will never let you get hurt, little witch, not ever.” He vows it so vehemently, I believe him, but that’s not my biggest worry.

I whisper my deepest fears between us. “But what if this darkness gets out and I hurt someone else? What if I become evil?”

“Then we will be evil together.”

I can’t help but laugh, and he grins, his lips quirking as he watches me, and then he leans in, kissing me softly. “You will always have me, little witch, and we will stop this together. When it’s all over, we will figure out what you are safely.”

“Together.” I nod.

CHAPTER 19

Freya is quiet, clearly a little shocked as we lie in bed. Her hand is playing with mine, but she’s not paying attention. When she speaks, I startle at how sudden it is.

“Why are you truly here with me?” she queries. This is not the first time she’s asked, but it is the first time she isn’t angry or sad, just curious. Her eyes lift to mine and beg me to give her something to understand.

I could lie to her or distract her like I have in the past, but I do not want to. I don’t want to lie to her, not after today, so for once, I give her some of the truth.

Taking a deep breath, I stare into her eyes, which I know better than my own. I never expected it to become like this, but I wouldn’t change it. I would never go back and undo what I did, because it gave me her.

“A very long time ago, someone made a deal to save your life. I’m keeping that deal and repaying it,” I admit.

She blinks. It’s clearly not what she expected, but it’s the truth. I still remember that day as if it were yesterday, the blood we used to seal it and the way we bound my soul to hers for eternity—not that sheknows that. If she dies, it will destroy me. If I die, then she will die. We are forever linked, but she’s scared enough, so that’s all I tell her.

“Who made the deal?” she asks, searching my gaze for answers she doesn’t truly want.

---