Page 53 of The Future Play

“Mhm. So you just happened to want to get ice cream at my favorite ice cream shop?”

“It was close.”

“We passed three others on the way. You knew about my tournament. And you knew my favorite coffee place.”

“I may have called in a favor. I’ll leave any names out of it for their protection.”

She squints at me. “I know it wasn’t one of the girls. We can’t keep secrets from each other—other than emotional turmoil—to save our lives.” She stares at me for a beat. “But it doesn’t really matter. I appreciate the coffee and the notes.” Her eyes drift up to the sign at the top of the building. “And this.”

“You were right last week. It was wrong of me to crash the event you were working.” I rub the back of my neck. “Sometimes I’m a dumbass.”

She looks at me, eyes dancing, and I brace myself for a sassy remark, but the window slides open again and the girl sets out our ice creams.

We take our bowls and head for a picnic table, where I choose to sit next to her instead of across from her. Pulling a paper from my back pocket, I set it on the table between us.

“You were right about a lot of things. I wrote a whole apology letter, just to get my thoughts out the way I wanted to. You can read it if you want, but I’m going to say a lot of it now. If you’ll let me.”

She gives me a small smile. “I guess I could practice my listening skills.”

“Okay. The first thing I need you to know is that I value you and your… friendship. Friendship doesn’t feel like the right word because sometimes we felt like more than that. But from the moment we met, I’ve enjoyed talking with you and being around you, and that only grew the more we got to know each other. There’s always been a connection between us, and when I kissed you that night, it was because I couldn’t hold back anymore. That pull to you was too strong. I can’t say I fully regret it. That kiss lives rent free in my mind.”

She laughs a little and some of the tightness in my shoulders eases.

“But I shouldn’t have done it like that,” I continue. “I should’ve talked to you first about what I feltandwhat you felt. That kiss changed things though. It didn’t make me realize how much you meant to me, but how deep my feelings were—are—for you. It scared the shit out of me because I knew we couldn’t just have fun. So I stopped things. I know it seems like I was choosing baseball, but I truly didn’t think I could have both. In my own stupid way, I thought I was protecting you from me. The reason I didn’t try to apologize in person was—at first—because I convinced myself I couldn’t have both things. Then I was coming to terms with the fact that maybe I could. Once I realized and understood that, I had to face how I handled things and figure out where to go. Storming the event wasn’t my best plan, but I’m an idiot hung up on a girl I really like, and I did a dumb thing. I’m sure I missed some other things I fucked up on, but I am truly sorry for hurting you and the many ways I handled this situation wrong. I’m hoping you can forgive me and maybe we could try to move forward. Because my feelings haven’t changed, and I really want to give this—us—a shot.”

She swirls her tongue around her spoon, licking at the ice cream like she’s done the entire time I’ve been talking.

My stomach is in knots as I wait for her answer, but she hasn’t punched me or bitched me out yet, so I’ll take it.

“Thank you.” Her voice is soft and filled with vulnerability. “For apologizing, and for… hearing me. Sometimes it seems like I’m drowned out by white noise.”

I slide a little closer, resting my hand on her arm.

“I always see you. Always hear you. If you’re anywhere near me, I can’t help but pay attention. I’m sorry I didn’t do a good job of that the night we kissed.”

She watches me for a moment, then nods and goes back toeating her ice cream. I do the same, even though I really want to say something else. Apologize again. I want to fix this.

But pushing someone when they’re already on the edge doesn’t help. I know that. So I shove another spoonful of ice cream into my mouth to keep myself quiet, but out of the corner of my eye, I watch her. She has three scoops. One cookie dough. One cookies and cream. One brownie batter. Sounds like a good combination, but I’ve always been more into fruity things, so I went with my old faithful—cherry vanilla.

“Happy birthday, by the way,” Amanda says, out of nowhere.

I drop my spoon into my dish and turn to look at her. She does the same, though she keeps eating her ice cream as she does.

“Thank you.”

“Did you have a good party? I’m—” She clams up, rolling her lips together. After another bite of ice cream, she starts again. “I was going to apologize for not being there, but?—”

I rest my hand on her arm, giving it a little squeeze. “You don’t need to be sorry for that. I got what I deserved.”

“Maybe. But… I don’t know.” She sighs.

“It was a good party. Could’ve been better if I hadn’t messed things up with an amazing girl, but there was good food, a wiffle ball game, and my favorite cupcakes.”

“What kind?”

“Vanilla with raspberry filling. I’m a sucker for a cake with fruit in the middle.”

“Hey, Jamie.”

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