Rae plops down on the other side of me and sets the bowl of popcorn in my lap.
They’re holding on to me. Choosing me. I try to tamp down my emotions at feeling so accepted. It’s what I crave. Praise. Knowing I’m accepted or wanted. I need that from people, and even from those I love, I rarely get it. To have it now has me feeling all the things.
I’m not doing a good job hiding my feelings, though, because all it takes is one glance from Rae for her to ask if I’m okay.
“Yeah. Mostly. I don’t know.”
She elbows me gently. “If we’re being too pushy about all this, you can tell us.”
Her words only make my emotions swell more. It never crossed my mind that she’d think that—that their friendship was too much for me.
“No,” I say quickly. “I love the way you’ve all included me. But it’s hard to truly accept it. I’m scared of getting too used to it and then losing it one day.”
“Why would you lose it?” Rae asks.
Mackie jumps in before I can. “Amanda had a bad experiencein the past. Her ex best friend ditched her and her other friends went along with it.”
“Oh, Mands…” Rae throws her arms around me in a tight mama bear hug. “We already love you. And when we say we don’t let go of people, we mean it. We fight. We call each other on our shit. We open our hearts and we work through the hard stuff. And we do all that because we know the power and importance of friendship. It hasn’t been long, but that doesn’t matter.”
“She’s right. People can fall in love in a day. Friendships can be formed just as quickly, and when you’re willing to open up to each other and put in the work, those roots can grow deep quickly as well.” Sarah reaches over and squeezes my arm.
“We’re here for you, and that’s not going to change.” Mackie wraps her arm around my back. “Let us love you.”
I take a steadying breath, sinking into the comfort of their friendship—the way they love. It’s the way I’ve always tried to love people and how I’ve always tried to form friendships, but it never felt like I was enough for anyone—or maybe I was too much. I always blame myself. Always think I’m the problem.
Maybe I’m not the problem. Maybe I just hadn’t found my people yet.
Rae rests her head on my shoulder. “It’s okay if it takes a little while to sink in. Until then, we’ll be watchingGilmore Girls, eating snacks, and showering you with love.”
“All of that,” Sarah says, reaching over to squeeze my hand.
“Told you,” Mackie whispers, a sweet smirk on her face.
I let out a long breath and relax against the couch. “Thank you.”
But their answering smiles tell me no thanks is needed.
We settle in, all nestled under the same blanket as we munch on popcorn, watch the show, and talk here and there. Again, I have to fight the urge to cry. After months of feeling out of place on campus and years of feeling like I don’t fit at all, in a strange twist of fate and only a few days of my life, I think I’ve found my tribe.
2
BRING THE VIBES
Jamie
“And Ida’sstar pitcher Jamie Henderson is the New York Metros first round draft pick!”
I throw my middle finger up at my best friend. “In case you were wondering, I haven’t missed you.”
Aaron Cooper laughs as he looks up from the computer he was sitting at. “I’m serious. That one came in at ninety miles per hour. We both know that’s great for someone in their junior year.”
“Yeah, except I’m old enough to be a senior.” Thanks, Mom and Dad, for sending me to a hippie school with no actual grades for the first few years of my life. “Plus, it’s a controlled environment here.”
“Aw, is widdle Jamie afraid he can’t make it to the big leagues?”
I smack Trevor Matteny in the stomach. “Fuck off.”
“I’m just saying, of the two of us, I’m closer.”