Page 50 of The Future Play

When I got in my car and unwrapped the book, I found that it was not only a specially picked blind date with a book, but that it was a new one from Jade Jackson, one of the local authors I met, and it was personalized and signed for me.

This morning when I went in, there was another handwritten note to go with my coffee—and a breakfast sandwich.

Good luck today.

-Jamie

Which is why I’m standing here, maybe stupidly, looking around the giantgymnasium for Jamie.

Today is one of the tournaments for my three-on-three volleyball rec league. If that’s what thegood lucknote was for this morning, then maybe…

I shake my head at myself. I need to stay focused so we can kick ass.

If he comes, he comes.

It’s no big deal.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself because the last thing I want to do is get my hopes up, just to have them crushed again.

I lovethe action and fast pace of volleyball. I always have. I’ll get lost in my head if I have to stand around for too long. I’ll never forget playing goalie in soccer and being endlessly bored or getting stuck in the outfield in softball. If I got to hit and run the bases the whole time, I might’ve enjoyed it more.

I loved basketball, but at barely five-foot-four, it wasn’t the right fit for me. I’m still a little short for volleyball, but on my high school team, I mostly played special defense or libero. With three-on-three, the positions are a bit different, but defense is still my focus, and I’m frequently the first person the ball comes in contact with.

Being out on the court always gives me a bit of peace in the same way planning an event does. It’s clear I thrive in chaos. I’m sure a therapist would love to dissect why, but that’s a Pandora’s box I’m not planning on opening.

“You’re kicking ass today, Mands,” Rae says, handing me a water while I wait for the next match to start. She and Mackie have been here all day long supporting me.

Only two matches left in the tournament. If we win our next one, then we get to play in the final too. I like the girls I’m playing with this year. We’re not destined to be lifelong besties, but we getalong and all have the same passion for volleyball, while still enjoying the fun of it being a rec league.

“Thanks,” I say to Rae after a glug of water.

Mackie looks around the room, eyes alight with mischief.

“See something you like?” I tease.

She looks back at me, eyes dancing. “Lots of things. So many short shorts.”

“Oh boy. Do I need to take you and shove you in a cold shower?” Rae teases.

“Rude. But… maybe? Nah. I’m enjoying myself too much. Which is nice. After everything.” Mackie’s relationship with Hyla fell apart, and it killed me to see her suffer because I know that pain. But I also recognize that it’s different because I think they both still love each other, even if I don’t fully understand Hyla’s side of the story. I don’t dislike her, but it’s hard to trust someone who you can tell is hiding something—or who hurts one of your best friends.

I glance around the gym too, mostly checking on the match still going to see who we’ll play, but also to see if I find any cute butts in short shorts.

Out of the corner of my eye, I swear I see that familiar fiery red hair, but when I turn all the way, I don’t see Jamie.

At this point, I’m just gaslighting myself into imagining he’s here.

Even though I hate myself for wishing he would’ve come. It’s unrealistic that anyone wants to give up their Saturday and sit in a hot gym all day. I’m grateful Rae and Mackie are here. Sarah came for the morning, but then she had to work. Jace is out of town with her college bestie, or else they probably both would’ve come. Pete stopped by for a bit too. No surprise that Josh and my parents weren’t here. My mom will absentmindedly tell me congratulations when I get home later.

It’s no big deal.

I don’t do this to have people come watch me. It’s somethingspecial I do for myself. But having people I care about choose to come and watch me play—when they’re excited—it means a lot.

The other match ends, and as the announcer calls for us to get set up, Rae and Mackie give me big hugs, then go to find seats again.

I watch them as they go, grateful they chose to be here, and trying not to think about the fact that if I hadn’t met them six months ago, I might’ve been alone here all day.

But as the words roll through my mind, my gaze lifts, and I blink, then blink again, certain my eyes are lying to me.

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