Page 46 of The Future Play

He looks down. “No.”

“You’re damn right it wouldn’t. You had a month where you could’ve come to see me in person, but all you did wastextme. Not even a phone call. So forgive me if your apology doesn’t come off as sincere.”

“But it is. I know I made a mistake. I know doing this would be complicated, but I’m in. I’ll do whatever I have to do. Please, give me a chance to fix this. To show you how much you mean to me.”

I slowly shake my head, channeling every bit of strength I have to keep from crying. “I did this once. I fell for someone who could never quite choose me. Not the way they were supposed to. I believed all the pretty words she told me, and I ended up with a shattered heart because of it. You can say you’re sorry a hundred more times, and that’s not going to make me believe it. Your words don’t mean anything to me anymore. If you want me to believe you’re interested in me, you’re going to have to prove it with your actions.” He opens his mouth, but I straighten up, hardening my expression. “But it won’t be tonight. It won’t be here. I have a job to do, and you need to leave.”

Then, like I did a month ago, I walk away with my head held high, because I am done with stupid people playing stupid games. I’m better than that. I deserve more than that, and I’m not sacrificing my self-worth for some pretty words. If his heart is hurting and he wants me that badly, he can man up and prove it.

8

I’M THE ASSHOLE

Jamie

I groanas I roll over in bed, my head pounding with a hangover level of headache despite not having a drop to drink.

Last night did not go well.

I’m a fucking idiot. Again.

Why did I think I could waltz into that event like Prince Charming and Amanda would just fall all over me? I can’t waltz. And Prince Charming is way smoother than I’ll ever be.

Which is obvious by how hard she shut me down.

She was right. I should’ve called her over the last month. I should’ve made a real effort to apologize. And I shouldn’t have tried to do it at her work.

I can’t even imagine how I’d feel if someone ever did as she pointed out and marched up to the mound in the middle of a game to apologize to me. I’d lose the respect of the team and my coaches.

Add that to the list of things I’m going to apologize for.

Things I’m going to show her I’m sorry for.

Because I’m not giving up.

No matter how it might look, I’m sure about my feelings for her. It’s not that it took me kissing her to realize how much she means to me. I already valued her as a person and as a friend. I felt a connection to her. I stupidly thought maybe we could take advantage of that friendship and enjoy each other in a different way, but when we kissed, I realized thatconnectionis because of feelings that have taken root somewhere deep inside me.

Either way, I should’ve talked to her before I kissed her, but that desperation for her is what pulled me in. Spending a month without her name lighting up my phone, without seeing her in the bleachers at any of my games, or without seeing her mischievous smile, has been hell.

She has so much vibrance inside her, and I hate myself for taking away even a piece of it.

It’s also clear that connection between us wasn’t just my feelings for her, but also her feelings for me.

Feelings I disrespected, which hurt her. I’m not going to be dramatic and say I broke her heart, but I definitely broke something special between us and maybe put the tiniest crack in her heart.

All of it has to be fixed. All of it has to be healed.

And it will be.

As soon as I figure out where to start.

If our conversation last night was any indication, this won’t be easy—or quick. Not that it should be.

Last night wasn’t groveling. It was the desperate apology of a boy.

I’m going to man up and tackle this like an adult. If I want a real relationship to grow between us, I’ve got to plant seeds and water them—not a sex joke.

Amanda deserves to be shown not just how sorry I am or how much I want her, but how special she is.

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