Page 156 of The Future Play

24

HOWEVER YOU’LL HAVE ME

Amanda

I slideinto my seat at the stadium shortly before the start of the game.

I had a couple of classes I didn’t want to miss this morning, and Jamie said that was fine—that he’d rather talk to me after the game when his focus can be solely on me and we can spend the rest of the night together.

That might’ve made me swoon a little. It was a glimpse of the boy I love. The one who has always fought for me.

And him sending a car to pick me up also made a huge difference. Five hours where I could relax and get some work done and not worry about dozing off was a breath of fresh air.

It takes a lot of effort not to gaslight myself into thinking I overreacted. That I should’ve been more patient, when the truth is we might not be here now if I hadn’t reacted how I did. I’m not naive enough to believe he’s magically doing better because I said I needed space, but I’m hoping it was a trigger to help him see how bad things were.

I can admit that I didn’t make that clear enough. I didn’t talk along the way. I didn’t try to find solutions. Either I triedto do everything for him or I blew up at him. My anger and hurt was warranted, but I could’ve handled it better.

From here, I want us both to handle it better.

He’s not on the field yet, and it’s killing me. I want to see him.

To entertain myself, I open my texts and scroll through our conversations this week. At first they were tentative. Then gentle. Then playful. Then flirtatious. We didn’t talk on the phone at all. We both agreed we’d feel too compelled to try apologizing or talking through things, and we want to do that in person.

I smile as I read the last text he sent me.

Baseball Boyfriend: I hope you know you’re mine for the night. Once I have you in my arms again, I’m not letting you go.

And ugh, swooning again.

I’m trying not to get ahead of myself. We need to talk. We can’t go right back into flirting and pretending things are fine. I’m cautiously optimistic, even if I’m not looking forward to going back to that damn apartment. It doesn’t feel like home, and it’s hard to be centered when you don’t feel comfortable in your surroundings.

The singer takes the field for the national anthem, and I stand with everyone else.

Finally, through the sea of people, I catch a glimpse of him, standing outside the dugout with his hat resting over his heart.

As I sit back down, I can’t take my eyes off Jamie. I’m waiting for him to look this way—for the moment, his eyes land on me.

He says something to one of his teammates as he puts his hat back on, then he jogs out to the mound.

When he gets there, he turns his head and searches for me.

I know the moment he spots me, and even across a stadium and from under his ball cap, I can feel his blue eyes burning into me.

This is us.

Not the frustrated, closed-off, not communicating bullshit we did all summer.Thisis us. Two people who can feel our connection across a baseball field.

I’m not getting ahead of myself. We have a lot to work through.

Screw it. I’m totally ahead of myself, just like I’m head over heels for him, and I have been for years now.

Seeingthe cool confidence I’m used to when Jamie is pitching was an added boost of excitement tonight. Some of our best sex has been after games where he killed it.

Tonight wasn’t perfect, but it was much more in line with his typical pitching. Plus, they won the game. They’ve been on a hot streak leading to the playoffs, and there’s a good chance they’ll be either the first or second seed for their division, which puts their chances at making the playoffs high.

My stomach lurches as players stream out. It’s been almost three weeks since we’ve seen each other, and more than a month since we saw each other in a happy place.

My body flushes when Jamie’s heated gaze lands on me. He walks right to me and sweeps me into his arms, picking me up and spinning me around.

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