Page 152 of The Future Play

Pride fills my chest as the batter walks away.

I fucking did it. I closed out seven innings with our team on top.

Glancing over at the stands, I find Aaron, who nods at mewhile clapping.

A couple of my teammates smack me on the back as we head for the dugout.

That success was not an omen of good things to come. It was proof of what can happen when I get out of my own head. I’m still going to have bad games, but my goal from here will be to make this my normal—the default I can return to after the bad ones.

That’s one thing down. Now I just have to figure out the rest of my life.

23

BOYS ARE DUMB

Amanda

Two.Weeks.

That’s how long it’s been since I talked to Jamie.

I hate it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. A lot of focusing on myself. A lot of extra therapy.

Every few days, Jamie sends me a voice note. Never apologies, just telling me he’s thinking of me, he loves me, and gives me a little snippet of what’s going on in his life, what games he’s won—even though I know because I’ve watched them all.

He’s pitching better than ever, which sent me spiraling for a minute, wondering if he’s better off without me. Until he sent me a voice note saying he wouldn’t have turned his game around if it wasn’t for me.

It seems like what happened two weeks ago was a wake-up call. Not that I was trying to force his hand, but walking out the way I did might’ve done that. He seems like he’s doing better, and in some ways, I am too, but in others, I feel like a pile of trash.

I miss him. I want to be with him. He’s pitching on Sunday, and I was debating going down to his game, but we haven’t talkedyet. And I don’t want our first point of connection to be across the field.

Plus, Jace will be here soon to spend the weekend with me, which I’m excited about. We didn’t see each other enough over the summer.

Rae is standing by her closet when I walk into the bedroom she and Aaron share.

She turns to me with a warm smile and soft eyes. “Hey. How are you doing?”

“I’m stressy, depressy?—”

“And a little messy?”

I flop backward onto her bed. “More than a little.”

She lies down next to me and takes my hand. “Been there. I know how much it sucks. But I also know what it’s like on the other side, and I promise you it will get better. Even if it feels like you’re living in the songDown Badat the moment.”

“Ugh,The Tortured Poets Departmentis so good.” And fully my vibes right now.

She laughs at that. “At least Jace is coming to visit, right?”

I nod.

“Have you talked to him?”

“No. I think… I want to. But I’m not sure what to say. I made such a dramatic exit with all my talk about needing to decide whether I want the life that comes with dating a professional baseball player, but I don’t care. I want him and that life comes along as a package deal.”

“Maybe you should tell him that.”

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