Page 135 of The Future Play

“Good to know where I fall on your priority list,” he mutters, turning away from me.

Fuck. That.

I shove my stool back and march around the counter. “Did you just accuse me of not prioritizing you? You clearly haven’t been paying attention for the last couple of months. I have been running myself ragged, doing everything I can for you. Taking care of you. Sacrificing myself, my health, my wellbeingfor you. And you have the audacity to complain because I’m not going on a road trip you aren’t even playing in? Don’t you dare say that I haven’t prioritized you when you’ve barely remembered I have needs outside of you and your career for the last two months.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

I stare at him, not blinking, not moving an inch. “Why did I decide to go to therapy?”

“What—because you needed to focus on your mental health.”

“But what was the catalyst?”

“I don’t know. You didn’t tell me.”

“I told youtwice. But you weren’t listening. For someone who claims to always see me, you’ve had your eyes shut a lot of the time lately.”

He stares at me for a moment, anger giving way to something softer.

“Why did you start therapy?” His voice is hushed and uncertain.

“Because that queer wedding I was so excited to have the opportunity to plan was Maci’s wedding.”

His eyes go wide. “What? But she told you it was all an experiment?—”

“Believe me, I know. And I reminded her of that after she chased me down the street. Then I spent the next hour crying with Hyla and Mackenzie, and I realized how deeply I’ve neglected myself. That I didn’t have a safe space inside me because I was in a constant state of upheaval and turmoil. And when we talked that night, I let you tell me all about the win you worked so hard for, and when it was finally my turn, when I tried to be vulnerable with you and tell you about the worst day I’d had in along time, you fell asleep. Then the next morning, I tried again, and you got distracted by your teammates and had to go. Do you know how that feels? To need your person so badly and have them completely tune you out?” My voice breaks. “I’ve spent the last two months sacrificing my mental and physical health for you, all the while understanding how essential baseball is. And you’ve done nothing but take advantage of that.”

“I didn’t realize?—”

“That’s not an excuse. It’s part of the problem.”

We stare at each other for a long moment.

“You should eat, so you’re ready for your game later. I’m going to take a bath.”

With that I push past him, grab my favorite wine from the fridge, and head for the bathroom because fuck it all. I’m doing another thing today that’s only for me.

Jamie

I can’t getout of my head.

This game has been a complete disaster. It’s been raining on and off. Our hitters can’t find the ball even when it’s right in the center of their zone. And I’ve let hits and runs through in every inning.

Right now is the worst, though. We have two runners on base and two people have already scored. We’re not just losing, we’re being demolished, and I’m responsible for a good chunk of that.

I don’t feel grounded in my body right now. A part of my mind is somewhere else. It’s hearing Amanda’s words over and over.

I knew I was fucking up, but I didn’t realize it was that bad. Why the fuck didn’t she talk to me sooner?

I roll my shoulders and try to shake it off. Usually when I feel like this, I’d look over at the family section of the stands, but today, I’d probably see Amanda glaring at me.

Fuck it.

Focusing on the plate and my catcher’s glove, I wind up and throw. It’s the perfect pitch… for the batter to wallop over the center field wall.

I’m not even surprised when Marc jogs out to the mound. Even though I’m coursing with rage—at so many things—I don’t argue when he pulls me. My head’s not in it, and I don’t deserve to be out here.

I’m almostsurprised when I see Amanda waiting for me after the game. Hell, I’m a little surprised she came at all, seeing as she’s been spread so thin lately. If I’m destroying her life so much, she could at least have the decency to tell me.

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