Page 134 of The Future Play

I need to go back to Ida before I head back to school and get a bunch of stuff from our apartment. I’ve got to make sure everything is set up for the cleaning person to come once a week and that building security will keep us updated on any issues. Then I really want to spend a little time with Jace and my brothers—even Josh. He annoys me, but he’s still my brother and we always spend time together over the summer. I missed our family vacation this year. The only one I’ve ever missed other than the year I was horribly sick.

When Jamie took care of me.

My heart still hurts after everything that’s happened in the last few weeks, though the last week has been better. I don’t want to say it’s because he hasn’t pitched, but I think it might be part of it. It’s been less stress. With the team being closer to playoffs, they’re matching pitchers up against specific teams and players, which means Jamie is pitching for the first time tonight since his win.

I’m hoping having less stress and coming off a good game last time will have him in a good space for tonight.

I don’t know how to talk to him about not going on his road trip with him. As much as I want to, I know it’ll leave me too stressed, and when he’s here, I want to be present with him. On the road, I’d have less time with him anyway, and traveling right before I have to drive five hours back to school sounds awful.

Guilt flashes through me, but I do my best to put it aside.

I still haven’t told him about my run-in with Maci—other than the times I tried and he wasn’t listening. I know I need to, but it’s hard to want to when I was vulnerable—something he knows is hard for me—and he didn’t show up the way I needed him to.

I’m trying to work through that on my own and let it go because I don’t want to be bitter, but it’s impossible not to notice the change in our relationship. Once the season is over, I’m hoping we can take some time together and work through it all, but until then, I’m trying to hold on and keep it all together.

My therapist was right, though. Doing something for me made a huge difference in my mental health, and the idea of having a friend here makes such a difference too.

“Hey, baby,” Jamie calls as soon as I walk inside the apartment. “How was your coffee?”

I set my stuff down and walk into the kitchen. “It was good. I think I might’ve made a solid friend.”

“Good.”

“How was your morning?”

“Fine.” He walks over and kisses me. “Did a little workout and relaxed. Actually, I did some yoga and meditation.”

“Oh?”

“Trying to find some balance.”

“That’s good,” I breathe.

“Anyway, I was just going to warm up some of that extra falafel for lunch. Want some?”

“Yes, please.”

We walk over to the kitchen, and he goes to the fridge while I sit down on a stool. He sets a few containers on the counter, then pauses and looks at me.

“Oh, before I forget, Emily texted earlier to see if she could interview you either tonight or sometime in the next couple of days, since we’ll be on the road trip after that.”

Ah, shit. Well, I’m not going to lie to him, even if I didn’t particularly want to discuss it now.

“Uh, yeah. That’s fine, but… I’m not sure I’m going on the road trip.”

His head snaps up. “What? Why? You’re going back to school in less than two weeks. You’re supposed to come.”

“I know, but I was looking at the calendar today, and I have too much to do and I need to go back home before then too, and I think it would just be easier if I stayed. If you were pitching I’d go, but?—”

“But spending time with me is too much to ask for?”

Oh, is he fucking kidding right now?

“Do you think Iwantto be away from you? Of course I don’t.”

“Then come. Figure out the rest later.”

“There is no later! I already figured out the many things I have to do, and I’m trying to prevent myself from completely burning out by spreading out what I need to do instead of trying to squeeze it all in at the last second.”

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