Page 123 of The Future Play

“No. I was going to say that you were right. It was different. I never had dreams of going pro, but what’s the same across the board is the fear of losing the thing you love, the thing that grounds you. And I know that’s where your head is right now.”

“Yeah. Every game, I try to set it aside and just pitch, but the first hit I allow, that thought creeps in, and with every subsequent hit or run, it gets louder until it’s eating away at me.”

“I know telling you to let it go isn’t going to help. The mental side of the game is complex. But mental health is sort of my thing.”

“Of course it is, Mr. Guidance Counselor.”

“Soon to be, but yeah. But also as a pitching coach. With any sport, it’s a mental game. But overall, I think pitchers and goalies have the worst of that. We rest the weight of the game on our shoulders, even when it’s a team sport.”

“So, what’s your sage advice?”

“Forget about the game. When you go out there tonight, don’t go out like a major league pitcher. Go out like you’re pitching for the guys and Miles is the one catching the ball. Forget the expectation and remember why you love it. Because skill helps you, but it’s the passion for the game that takes you all the way. Forget about everything else and remember why you love the game.”

“Sometimes I miss just getting out on the field and shooting the shitwith you guys.”

He laughs. “Well, give it fifteen years and we’ll be there again. Playing in some old man baseball rec league.” He smacks my shoulder. “But you’ve got a career to build first so we can all listen to you tell us about when you were a badass professional ball player. If you can’t get out of your head for any other reason, do it for the future bragging rights.”

I let out a sigh. This is exactly what I needed. What I’ve been missing.

The one thing I didn’t plan for was how isolating being in the majors would feel. It’s a reminder of how important it is to stay grounded in my current friendships, but also to work harder to develop friendships on the team. It might not come naturally to me, but it’s going to be essential for my survival.

And hopefully holding on to Aaron’s advice—and remembering why I love this game—will help me do that… and help me get out of this damn slump.

Amanda

It’sfunny how easily I’ve started thinking of Ida as home. Sure, it’s right by Woods Junction, but when I think of home, I think of Ida. Our apartment. My best friends. Some of my favorite restaurants.

Right now, I’m sitting at Jimmy’s Coffee House, waiting for the potential client I’m meeting to get here. She’s the one who requested a meeting several weeks ago, but I had to get through the crazy of the last few weeks first.

Lauren, the owner of Jimmy’s—named after her late father—sets my coffee on the table.

“Thanks, Lauren.”

“No problem. I haven’t seen you around as much. How have you been?”

Small towns. Sure, the city has more options for food and entertainment. There’s so much more to explore. But there’snothing like half the people who come in here knowing my name and stopping to chat. That’s why it’s become home.

“I’ve been good. Busy. Really busy.”

She laughs and looks around. “I know the feeling. And I think I heard my mom talking about some big event you did down in the city?”

My cheeks heat a little. “Yeah. It was a gala. Really cool to be a part of.”

“Well, congratulations. How’s Jamie doing?”

“Good,” I sort of lie. “He’s settling in with the Metros. Living his dream.” I do everything I can to keep the wistfulness from my tone when I say it. Things have been fine in the last week since the gala. Nothing else has happened. But I haven’t been able to shake the unsettling wrongness—the tiny crack that formed that night. Mostly because it felt like the culmination of weeks of him struggling and me trying to hold everything together. I don’t think that is going to change any time soon.

The bell over the door goes off, and a woman walks in, looking around.

I wave to Lauren as she walks off, then catch the woman’s eye. “Lisa?”

“Hi. Are you Amanda?”

“That’s me. Have a seat.”

“Thank you. My partner is running a few minutes late, but she’ll be here soon.” Lisa lets out a little sigh. “I was so happy when your website said you were an LGBTQ friendly business. One event planner I spoke to sounded wonderful until I mentioned I was marrying a woman. Then she said some horrible things and hung up the phone.”

I hate people.Why anyone thinks they get a say in who someone else loves is beyond me. Who I love and who I sleep with doesn’t hurt anyone else. Love is love, and fuck anyone who thinks otherwise.

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