Page 59 of Protect

Violette laughs even harder, and for the first time since the day I let her down outside the biology room door, I actually feel good that she knows the truth.

“I told her exactly what I thought about her that night though before I got out of that limo. And I told her I was crazy about you.”

Violette’s eyes catch mine; it tugs on my heart the way she looks at me now—open, understanding even.

“Then she slugged me, and that night she hooked up with Dennis Bradman,” I tell her, naming one of my teammates. I scrub my jaw.

“I knew what we had was special, I wanted to see you again and I hoped I could get you to forgive me without outing Jacob somehow, but I never got the chance anyway, you were already gone. You took that job at Pearce Summer Camp after you told me you turned it down.”

“I called them and asked for the opportunity back. I had to get out of here. I didn’t want to see you with her all summer or at my house all the time.”

“I spent the night after you left pacing your house. I wanted to drive up to the camp, but Jacobbeggedme to let you go for the summer. Hebeggedme not to drag you into it and he had been doing so well, he was staying away from everything, including Max. He was giving me hope that that phase in his life was over.” I reach out my hand and put it over hers.

“He never wanted you or your parents to know how badly he had fucked up. And then you went to school… those years passed, you gotmarried, had a child. I wasn’t prolonging telling you, I thought I was protecting you and the more time that went by, the further apart we were. I always wanted you to know the truth but time and space, Jacob passing, it all naturally kept usapart, never giving me the chance. But now, here we are.” I tilt her chin up so her eyes meet mine. “The moment I saw you in Shifty’s, I knew. This might sound crazy, but I felt Jacob, like he was there, telling me it was my second chance, my chance to make things right. I wasn’t about to let that pass me by, and now I don’t regret telling you. It should’ve happened a long time ago, but maybe it wasn’tmeantto happen until now.”

“It doesn’t sound crazy. I feel his presence too.”

I stand and begin to pace his surprisingly cozy living room, the pull I have to him now is undeniable. Everything here smells good—like Rowan—and hearing how twisted my view was of what happened all those years ago is making me feel totally out of control right now. Knowing he didn’t use me, that he didn’t hurt me for no good reason, shows me I have no cause to stop these feelings I’ve been trying to fight.

“Jacob and I always had a silent connection. Even with him gone I can still feel it. The night you wound up in my burn unit, something about seeing you lying there, so many burns, so many marks, but his name and the hawk on your arm left untouched, made me think of him and I justfeltyou were there for a reason.”

I run my sweaty palms over my jeans.

“And to find out after all this time that you felt the same way, that you didn’t want Kyleigh over me?” I blurt out, Rowan scoffs.

“Ionlywantedyou. You were just so quick tobelieve Ididn’t.”

“Because we never made sense on paper. It was just easier to believe you used me,” I whisper, before turning back to face him. Rowan just looks at me, hesitates for all of one second, and then before I have time to prepare, he’s moving closer, dissolving the space between us in just two long strides. His hands circle my waist bringing our bodies together. A low growl leaves his chest as he leans into me, his lips only inches from mine. My breath hitches.

“Why wouldn’t it make sense, Vi?” He whispers as he walks us backward slowly until I’m pressed against the living room wall, his thumbs grazing my waist. “Because you’re brilliant?” They slide up my back and I shiver. “Because you’re incredible? Sexy as hell?” He leans in even closer and I’d buckle if he wasn’t practically holding me up.

“Because you’re so beautiful that just looking into your eyes throws me completely off my game every damn time?” He lets go of my waist with one hand and brings it up to graze his thumb over my cheek. As he does something catches my eye on his inner forearm, the one that isn’t burned. It’s barely visible but I see it. Tucked right up under the wings of the hawk he has for my brother are two small symbols. A tiny p+ and e-. My stomach drops. I grasp his arm for a better view.

“The symbols for protons and electrons?” I whisper. “You got a tattoo? Ofoursymbols?

I look up to Rowan’s eyes. His IV was in his hand in the hospital, and I tried so hard to avoid looking at that damn hawk tattoo that I never noticed…

“Jacob was my biggest loss, and you were a part of that,wewere a part of that. When I added his tattoo, it was only fitting that you had a place under his wings. I wanted you there. Youwere always in the back of my mind. I didn’t regret what I did for Jacob and for you, but Ididregret losing you.”

I suck in a breath. I’m not sure I’ve ever been as taken aback as I am now. He’s had a representation of me? Ofus?On his body for years? I run my fingers over it and my mouth turns to sand with his admission.

“How long?” I ask trying to keep my composure.

“Since he died,” he admits, and I swallow, speechless.

“I never made it clear enough back then, so I’m about to now.” Rowan tilts his head, his eyes roam over my face as if he’s drinking in my expression, like he’s studying my reaction to his touch. “For the last ten years, your face is the face I see. No matter who I’m with, no matter who I meet. When I fell in that ash pit, the last face that flashed through my mind wasyours.”

“Please…” I whisper, but I can’t decide what I’m asking for. If I want him to stop or keep going, because even though his words are heavy, they’re also deeply satisfying.

“These eyes? The way they turn dark and needy like this when I’m so close to you… Goddamn, they downright torture me.” He bends down and kisses me on the cheek, his lips linger there for a second and I shiver.

Rowan runs his knuckles over my jaw, then down to my neck as his thumb comes up to trace my bottom lip.

“And these lips, I fucking dream about how these lips taste.” The weight of his stare on my mouth is heavy. “I’ve never forgotten. These lips are enough to make me hard all on their own.” He kisses me on my other cheek, and I clench my thighs together in desperation.

Rowan presses his body into mine and I whimper as he brings both hands up to gently grip my face, his fingers sliding to the back of my neck, weaving into my hair. Every piece of clothing I’m wearing is weighted against my skin, the musicfrom his vinyl has ended and the only sound is the crickets outside his window.

My eyes trace the features of his face and my breath is shallow as I watch his throat work to swallow. I move my gaze up to his lips, silently begging for them to be on mine.

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