Page 102 of Protect

“He was the one I went to when my dad was in the field and I was petrified that he wouldn’t come home.”

I stroke her hair and fight back the sting at the bridge of my own nose.

“I wasn’t ready for him to go. I wasn’t prepared. The last time I saw him, he told me that when he came back, he'd help me build my new bookshelves. I didn’t even hug him. I was on the phone and he just stood in my door and waved.” She looks up at me and wears a look of instant regret, knowing my last vision of him was a lot worse than hers.

“I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine your memory of the last time you saw him,” she whispers. I grip both sides of her face as I speak, stroking her cheek with my thumb.

“Vi, I’ve hadthreeyears of talking to someone to help me deal with that and I still think about it every single day.”

Almost every time I close my eyes, but you and Hollie make that better.

“You did the right thing and got help. I didn’t. I ran,” she whispers like she’s admitting that to herself for the first time.

“You did whatyouhad to do to cope. We all did.” I swipe a piece of hair off her forehead and kiss her there.

“It’s never too late to talk to someone, never too late to deal with those ghosts,” I tell her. “I’ll help you anyway I can.”

Just don’t push me away, please don’t push me away.

“The fear is inevitable, Vi, but so are we, we’re in this together.”

Violette looks up at me, her eyes look different, hardened. Reserved, even.

“I can breathe now, thank you,” she says. She begins to stand and I rise with her, helping her. She looks at me in a way I instantly hate. With a fake sort of smile that says she’s about to pull away from me. “This is a problem for another day, I don’t want you to leave to fight a fire like this,” she whispers.

“You said that already, but, Vi”—I stroke her cheek—“howlonghas it been a problem for another day? “

She looks down at her boots and her answer is barely audible. “A really long time.”

Fuck, she’s breaking my heart.

“Maybe it’s time to make these feelings a ‘today’ problem?” She nods and fights more tears. “I promise I’ll be there to help you every step of the way.” It’s all I can offer her.

I bend down to kiss the top of her head as she nods.

“I can’t change this, Vi, this isn’t just what I do. Just like you’re called to be a nurse and a mom, it’s who I am?—”

“I don’t want you to change,” she says quickly. “I love that you’re a hotshot, Rowan. I just don’t know if I’m prepared to handle the constant risk of losing you. I know it’s shitty to say that now, but I think I was in denial that it would happen. I just can’t lose anyone else.” She lets go of my hand and I ache to bring her into my arms.

“There you are, bro—” Opp says as he rounds the corner.

“You okay, Little T? Scottie offered to take you home,” he tells her.

“I’m taking her,” I say firmly.

Opp nods and Violette pats him on the shoulder. “Be safe, Opp.”

“Always,” Opp replies, ruffling her hair. “Don’t worry, girl, we’ll bring him back,” he says, nudging me, probably more serious than I’ve ever seen him.

Violette smiles at him but something is off, and it settles with me deep in my gut. I won’t let her run this time.

The drive to Violette’s is way too quick and when I pull up outside her door, there are a million things running through my head,

I don’t want to leave you either, but I have to.

You and Hollie are the brightest part of my life now.

It’s not my fate to die out there,youare my fate.

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