Page 79 of Must Have Been Love

“Afraid?” I ask.

“I don’t have any other siblings. My mom moved back to the mainland. It felt… I don’t know…big, having you here. My sister. I was scared that if you took it the wrong way I’d be left with nothing. I heard a lot about you from Wayne. He followed you, you know. Your Instagram, he had that on his favorites.”

“He followed me?” I whisper.

“He was so fucking proud. And I was so in awe of you. You seemed so together. So in love with life. You weren’t afraid of anything.”

“I’m afraid of everything,” I tell him. “Social media is a bitch. It lies constantly. I only ever put up the good stuff. The happy stuff. Mostly to make my mom and Lee feel like they didn’t have to keep saving me.”

“I’d like to meet them sometime,” he says. “I know we’re not actually related but…”

“They want to meet you. I spoke to them this morning.” I called them right after Hudson left. I had to be sure in my head that they hadn’t been keeping this from me, too.

Lee was just as shocked as I was. Mom was… not surprised. I guess she knew my dad better than anybody and she knew that he wasn’t an angel.

“Of course you’re family,” I tell him. “Family isn’t just about blood. Or titles. It’s about being there for each other. Taking care of the other person.” I take his hand. “You’ve always felt like family. I just couldn’t work out why until now.”

His face lights up. “You felt like family too.” He chuckles. “I mean I know I knew you were. But there’s been this connection…”

“At first I thought you were attracted to me,” I admit. “But it was a different kind of pull, wasn’t it?”

“I love you, but not like that.” He wrinkles his nose.

His words hit me so hard that tears form in my eyes.

“What? What did I say?”

“You love me?”

“Of course I do.” He takes my hand, squeezing it tight. “You’re my sister. You’re my friend. But most of all, you’re you. I feel like I knew you before we even met. How can anybody not love you?”

The tears start to fall. But this time they feel like good tears. Cleansing ones. I don’t fight them – because maybe my brother’s wisdom is seeping in. You don’t fight, you accept. And here’s my accepting.

There’s a reason my dad brought me to this island, even after his death. And now I know what it was. He’d made errors. Ones he couldn’t admit to my face. But he wanted to clear them up. He wanted me to meet my brother.

And he made it happen.

A part of me will always wish he’d done it when he was alive. That he’d tried harder to tell me about Jesse. And that maybe I’d be a little more willing to listen.

But regrets are like fighting against your nature. They eat you up. And I can’t let that happen. Not when my younger brother is here, looking up to me, wanting me to give him the same acceptance he gave me.

“Right back at you,” I tell him, hugging him tight. “I love you too.” And it’s true, I do. A weird sensation of protectiveness washes over me, and that’s when I realize that I’m not the youngest in the family anymore. Not the baby in the corner.

“Oh my God, I’m a middle child,” I say to him. “That makes so much sense.”

He starts to laugh.

But it’s true. I’m that wandering soul that they say middle children are. Always looking for something I can’t have. Always moving on to the next thing, hoping it will bemything.

“And also,” I tell him, my voice turning serious. “I want a veto on every girlfriend you have. Because they’re clearly not good enough for you.”

“Jesus, don’t make me regret you finding out. Ask me another question before I run away.” He shakes his head.

So I do. I ask nine more before I get to the big one. The one that makes me hesitate, because I don’t want to hurt him, but I also know that it will hang between us for as long as I let it. And I don’t want anything bad between us.

Not now that we’ve found each other.

“The last one,” I say solemnly, and he smiles, like he’s ready for this to be over. I take a deep breath. “Why did he leave the bar to me and not both of us?” I ask him.

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