Page 14 of Must Have Been Love

five

HUDSON

“Well that was an asshole move,” Autumn says as I close the car door on Ayda and Barney, who might be a dog but his expression at me is cutting. “You could have been nicer to Skyler,” she points out.

“Why?” I ask. “What is she to me?” Christ, I’m exhausted. Not because of Ayda’s nightmare last night, which is the excuse I gave my sister. She doesn’t need to know that I also had an annoyingly disturbing dream about a certain owner of a mouth stud. Mostly of me doing unspeakable things to those swollen, beautiful lips.

And today I got a glimpse of her bare stomach to add to the library of Skyler Brown images that seem to be accumulating in the dark recesses of my brain. The way it’s tan and taut, the tattoo curling around to lick at her navel. And I’m not going to fucking think about those long, lithe legs that look like they go on for miles.

“She took care of Ayda for one,” Autumn says, interrupting my thoughts, thankfully. “And she’s new and she doesn’t know anybody.”

“She obviously knows Eileen,” I point out, trying to ignore the pang of guilt pulling at my abdomen. I don’t have time for guilt and I definitely don’t have time to worry about the feelings of a woman who’s hopefully leaving the island very soon.

The sooner the better. Because I don’t like the way I want her.

“She doesn’t know Eileen,” my sister corrects me. “She went to Eileen for help. Withyour daughter. If you want to be annoyed with anybody, be annoyed withme. I’m the one who was watching her when she disappeared.”

I take a deep breath, pinching the bridge of my nose. From the corner of my eye I see Ayda pick up one of the many picture books strewn across the backseat. She can read and understand every word we say to her.

She just doesn’t speak. And it’s killing me.

Because she used to speak. As a baby she babbled away to her heart’s content. She cooed and smiled and started to say words at the right age. Younger, actually, because she’s an intelligent kid.

Dada was her first word, said with intent at the age of ten months. It annoyed her mother to bits, but the doctor told us she wasn’t only hitting every milestone with gusto, she was smashing them to pieces.

By three she was speaking in full sentences.

Now she just sits passively and says nothing and it’s all my fucking fault.

That’s the truth of it. I let out a long breath, because all of this has absolutely nothing to do with the woman whose father’s died and left her his bar.

She’s just gotten into the middle of something she shouldn’t have.

I toss the keys to my sister. “Can you drive Ayda home?” I ask.

She frowns at me. “How will you get home?”

“I’ll call a cab.”

Autumn grins at me because we both know that’s a lie. The only cab driver on the island is Simon and this is his day off because his wife insists that he takes her to the mainland to the local market.

“I’ll walk. It’s a beautiful day.”

She blinks, surprised. “Walk? You never walk.”

“I’ve been doing it for the last thirty-six-years,” I point out.

This time she laughs. I love my kid sister fiercely, the way I love all of my family. Part of the reason I’ve invested so much money on this island is to bring us all together again. Autumn is already back for good, and Eden will come when she’s ready. As for my brothers – I have three of them – they visit for holidays and parties and I know at least two of them hate leaving every time.

It's not just an island it’s a haven. It’s where we all feel safe after being adrift for so long. It’s where I can bring up my daughter without fear of losing her.

Again.

“Just go,” I tell her. “I’ll find my own way home.”

“Okay, whatever.” She shakes her head at me. “I hope you’re going to apologize to that nice woman. I don’t have many friends my age here, and I’d like her to fill that gap.”

“You can’t just be friends with her. You don’t know her. She’s an out-of-towner,” I tell her, using the word the people of Liberty use for tourists and visitors.

---