Page 126 of Must Have Been Love

“Hi Lee.” He taps my car. “I’ll be at the bar later,” he tells me. “You don’t need to work tonight.”

“I want to,” I say. I want things to go back to normal. Or as normal as they can be.

“Okay.” He gives me a wink. “We’ll catch up later.”

“We absolutely will.” I’m still smiling as he goes to help cast off from the dock.

“See,” Lee says, her voice sounding tinny. “It’s all going to be fine.”

“I know.” There’s still that feeling of trepidation though. Since I saw Hudson at Dr. Methi’s office, I’ve been replaying that forehead kiss over and over again in my mind. It made me realize just how much I still love him. How I’ll always love him. He’s the Lindsay Buckingham to my Stevie Nicks. He’ll always be my one who got away.

“When are you going to tell him?” she asks.

I take a long breath. “I need to settle back in. And we have Karaoke on Saturday. I think I’m gonna need to let him calm down when he realizes we’ve turned his upmarket drinking establishment back into the down low and dirty local bar it always used to be.”

“You’re procrastinating. At this rate the kid’s gonna be going to college before you finally get the guts to tell him.”

I roll my eyes even though she can’t see me. “I’m going to tell him,” I protest.

“When?”

“Next Wednesday.”

She starts to laugh. “Why Wednesday?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “You just forced me to say something. And I guess Wednesday is far enough away that I don’t have to worry about it yet, but close enough that he’ll find out before graduation.”

Lee huffs. “I don’t understand why you’re so afraid. Do you think he’ll go ape?”

“No,” I say honestly. Maybe I was afraid before, but that’s because I’d been building it up in my mind. “He’s a good man,” I say, feeling sure about that. “He’ll be calm.”

“So what are you afraid of?” Lee asks.

The feeling of nausea I’ve been fighting for the last few days rises up. “I’m afraid he’ll pity me,” I say. “That he’ll try to do the honorable thing and rekindle something between us, and he’ll be doing it for all the wrong reasons.”

Lee is silent for a moment. The ferry starts to move along the water and I look ahead, seeing Liberty in the distance.

“I hate the way you do this,” she finally says.

“Do what?”

“Why can’t you accept that he might want you foryou? Why can’t you see that you’re a catch, whether you’re having his baby or not? I wish you could see yourself the way we all see you. You’re funny, you’re clever, you’re beautiful. You make this world such a better place. What man wouldn’t want you?”

I blink at her words. “You have to say that. You’re my sister.”

“I’m saying it because it’s true. I just wish you would believe it.”

“I’m trying,” I tell her. “I really am.”

“You need to try harder. You’re going to be a mom. And you’re going to be a great one. I just wish you’d believe in yourself the way that I do.”

I swallow hard. She’s right. I need to be a grown up. “I’m going to,” I promise. “I am.”

“Good. Now go start living your life. Don’t forget that James, Cora, and I want to visit soon.”

“I’m banking on it,” I tell her, then we say our goodbyes and she hangs up.

For the rest of the ride I sit in the car silently, thinking about Wednesday. That’s when I’ll tell him. And let the chips fall where they may.

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