Page 119 of Must Have Been Love

And about babies. I never realized how lucky I was to have an older sister that’s already been through it all. She makes me think that I might just bring us both out of this alive.

She’s made it clear that she wants me to go back with her. But I can’t do that. This is Hudson’s child too. Even if he doesn’t want me I know he’ll want to know his baby. I’m not the type of person who would make him go through court for that. He has as much right as I do to see this little one grow up.

A car is coming to pick her up at an abominable hour in the morning, but she insists on us having a goodbye party, of sorts, and tells me to invite Jesse over.

Secretly I think it’s because she wants to make him promise to take care of me while she’s on the other coast. But I do it anyway, and he comes.

“Was Autumn okay with managing the bar?” I ask him.

“Yep. She’s on a one-woman mission to piss Hudson off.” He winces. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I tell him. “I’m not going to die from hearing his name.”

“Which is a good thing,” Lee adds, carrying a tray of snacks out from the house onto the deck.

“What’s a good thing?” Jesse asks, taking a carrot stick before he even looks at the plate. He only realizes it’s a vegetable when it’s on its way to his mouth. He grimaces, but eats it anyway.

He’s such a boy.

“Talking about Hudson,” Lee says. “Because this one here needs to do it more.”

“I’m going to my therapist tomorrow, I can do it then,” I remind her. Dr. Methi called this morning and let me know he has space in his schedule and wants to see me. I pointed out my insurance won’t pay for him, but he says he’s doing it as part of Ayda’s rehabilitation.

And of course, as soon as I heard her name I agreed. I think he wants to get all the versions of the story so he can help her, which makes sense.

“To talk about somebody else. When do we start talking about you?” Lee asks.

“We’ve done nothing else for the past few days.” I pop a celery stick in my mouth.

“Have you decided if you’re coming back to the island yet?” Jesse asks. “No pressure, I just…”

“Yes.” I put him out of his misery. If one thing these few days watching the island from afar has given me, it’s perspective. Yes, it’s small and practically owned by Hudson Fitzgerald, but I have my place there too. I have family and a business and I want to be there to run it.

And at some point we’ll have to work out how to co-parent.

I inadvertently touch my stomach while I’m thinking, and Lee lifts a brow. “You should tell him,” she says pointedly.

“Hudson or Jesse?”

“Both.”

“Tell us what?” Jesse asks, looking from Lee to me. “You’re not selling the bar, are you?”

I shake my head. “No, the bar is staying.” I take a deep breath because two words have never felt so heavy. “I’m pregnant.”

He blinks like I’ve just told him the earth is flat.

“Fuck…” He shakes his head. “I should have hit him harder.”

“What?” I ask at exactly the same time Lee shouts out in celebration.

“You hit Hudson?” She puts her hands up for a high five. That’s when I see the bruise on Jesse’s knuckles.

“Oh my God.” My eyes widen. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

“He was pissing me off.” Jesse shrugs.

“When did you see him?” I ask, desperate to know. “Did he say anything about me?”

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