Page 107 of Must Have Been Love

“It would have helped if Skyler hadn’t lost her in the first place,” I say. I’m trying to keep my fury from rising up, but it’s a struggle. I’m a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

“Here they are,” Autumn says, and I follow her gaze. Parker is there, looking like he’s about to keel over. He’s wearing a pair of joggers and a t-shirt, but the man looks like death. Barney is on a leash, looking as dejected as I feel. I can’t help but think that if he’d been with Ayda none of this would have happened.

And next to him is Skyler. The woman I trusted with my daughter. The woman who lost the one thing I love more than life itself. She looks as pale as Parker. Her eyes are red rimmed, her hair is a mess, and as she walks toward me I have to curl my hands into fists to stop myself from reaching for her.

thirty-one

SKYLER

My mind has been in a wild panic ever since I realized Ayda was gone. I keep going back to that moment – the one where I picked up our plates and glasses and put them on the tray. Ayda was with me, I’m sure she was.

And then she wasn’t.

They say that your life can change within a heartbeat. All I can think about is that Ayda is alone, scared. And it’s all my fault.

“Hudson’s here,” Parker says to me as we reach the jetty. He’s still holding onto Barney’s leash. We’ve spent the last hour combing the coast, looking for signs. The police have helicopters out, there are boats in the water.

But there’s no sign of a little girl who can’t talk but can love fiercely.

I look over at the crowd that’s gathered on the dock. Everybody wants to help. The police have had their work cut out trying to take statements and listen to suggestions of where Ayda might be.

But she’s nowhere. And the pain of it is like a knife in my chest.

I spot Hudson almost right away. He’s taller than the cops he’s standing with, still wearing his suit, his tie neatly knotted. He’s talking rapidly to one of the plain clothes detectives that took my details earlier.

Then his gaze slides to me.

His expression doesn’t change when our eyes meet. His skin looks gray in this light, his jaw is set grimly.

“Oh God,” I whisper to myself. Because he looks broken.

“Come on,” Parker says, though I’m not sure if it’s to me or himself. He insisted on joining me to search the coast even though he can barely walk two feet without dissolving into a coughing fit. The man should be in bed. And he won’t even let me take the dog.

“Any news?” Parker asks Autumn, who’s standing next to Hudson.

She reaches out for him, cupping his face. “Honey, you need to rest. And yes, there’s news.” She takes Barney’s leash from him, and he doesn’t protest.

For a second my world stops. Please let it be good news.Please.

“What is it?” I whisper.

Autumn looks at me, her face full of kindness. “They think she was taken by her grandmother. They have photographs that they think are Ayda and Catherine on the ferry. She’s taken her to the mainland.”

Relief rushes through me. She’s alive. She’s with somebody she loves.

Hudson is still staring at me with that unreadable expression on his face.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I’m so, so sorry. She was there, then she was gone.”

“They’ve taken her,” he says, sounding as broken as he looks. “How could you not notice she was gone?”

“Hudson,” Autumn says softly. “It’s not her fault.”

I open my mouth, trying to find the right words. But what words are there? “I’m sorry,” I say again. “I was…” I can’t tell him about Dr. Methi’s call. I can’t tell him how distracted I was. Not now. He has enough to deal with. “I was an idiot,” I say. “I’ll never do it again.”

“Ma’am,” one of the detectives looks at me. “Can we show you some photographs? See if you recognize any of them?”

I nod, so aware of Hudson’s scrutiny as I look at the phone the policeman is holding out. A woman’s face appears on it.

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